Happiness...An Inside Job

“Somewhere between stimulus and response lies our greatest freedom, our ability to choose, our ability to choose our state."

--Viktor Frankl

I taught a class during the lockdown in 2020 called The Habit of Happiness. I thought I could use a reminder these days, so I'm sharing with you just in case you need one, too. Here's the gist of the 45 minute teaching. 

Happiness comes from within. It can’t be based on our outward life and circumstances because it’s conditional if we do that. Regardless of what's happening, we get to choose our response, don’t we?  There is that quarter second lag time in the brain between the stimulus and our reaction. We can re-act like we've always acted or we can choose a new response. We can choose to harvest the good from even the worst of our conditions and circumstances.

The state of happiness isn't connected to our money, possessions, our jobs, or other people. We all know people who get exactly what or who they wanted, and it wasn't enough. AND those things can disappear in a moment, can't they?  

We need to set the intention in advance to choose happiness. Dennis, my husband, quit drinking a couple of years after I did. We took separate cars to parties so I could leave if tempted to drink.  I had six phone numbers that I could call when I felt crazy enough to go back to drinking again. I became extremely intentional in creating strategies to thrive as a sober person.  We need to develop strategies for choosing happiness so it can become a habit...and these continued choices will make it a habit. 

Simple, right?  Are you kidding? Not always, but here's what works for me,  besides being intentional about choosing  happiness. I created a mental image of the person that I want to become. Yes, I know this sounds unicornish, but, in the moments where I would rather throw things, curl up in a fetal position and cry, or trash talk to myself, I ask myself these questions:

Who do I want to be in this moment?  
How would my mentors react?  
What good can I harvest from this time? 
What behavior do I want to model for others?  

If the answers to the above questions are not congruent with the person I want to become, then I need to make a change.  Since I've been practicing this, processing emotions takes less time.  I can return to happiness sooner!  I'm creating a habit.  (Please don't think that I am successful at this every time. I am a work in progress, like everyone else.)
 
I can allow my circumstances to steal my happiness or I can choose to harvest the good. I can choose to make lemonade out of the lemons. 

Of course, depending on who you are and where you are in your life, certainly the conditions and circumstances are gonna be different for all of us. But the choice is ours to harvest, in that moment, our own happiness.

Do you need some coaching?  Could you organization use some training?  I'd be delighted to serve you!

Squeezing lemons,

Jan

Jan McDonald 
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team