Tips to Defuse Negative Emotions🤪
Jun 16, 2025
"Emotions are neither good nor bad, it's our thinking that makes them so."
--my humble opinion
The Latin derivative for the word emotion, "emotere,' literally means energy in motion. Emotions are just energy moving through the body. They are not good or bad; it's the meaning that we attach to them.
Emotions are the bodies reaction to your mind. For example, if you FEEL threatened, physically or psychologically that causes the body to contract—what we call fear. Strong emotions bring changes chemically in the body
The First Law of Thermodynamics (Conservation) states that energy is always conserved, it cannot be created or destroyed. In essence, energy can be converted from one form into another. What happens to emotions when they are not expressed? When anxiety, fear, resentment, sadness or any emotion that cause us to dislike ourselves and/or others are stuffed instead of processed, they have to go somewhere. Neuroscientists have come to the conclusion that stuffing results in a build up of energy in the body can manifest as stress. This can affect blood pressure, memory and self-esteem. Longer term, or chronic stress, can cause increased risk of diabetes, heart disease, depression, headaches, or anxiety disorders.
An emotion usually represents an amplified and energized thought pattern. If we allow the negative emotion to take us over, rather than identifying it and letting it pass, it often starts a vicious cycle—the thinking and the emotion feed each other. By dwelling mentally on the situation, event or person that is the perceived cause of the emotion, the thought feeds energy to the emotion which in turn energizes that thought pattern and so on. It can turn into a vicious cycle.
How do we defuse negative emotions? I'm not a psychologist, and I'm not talking about the grief experienced from loss. but this is how I handle negative emotions:
1. Eat chocolate. I'm sure there's a chemical in chocolate that makes you feel better. Just kidding. The real #1 is to step back and identify it. Get curious. What is the emotion? What is causing the emotion? When I take the time to name the emotion, it usually isn't anger at all, but fear, rejection, disappointment, frustration, self-judgement, etc. Take the time to ask yourself enough questions to name it. Naming it removes some of its power.
2. Tequila shots and Moosehead beer. NOT! That's the old me. The real second step is to FEEL the emotion. The goal is to feel it; not make it go away. I know that sounds crazy, but Dr. Leaf says, "Feeling is healing." Be your own best friend. If you were down, your best friend wouldn't tell you to "just get over it." They would validate your feeling and empathize with you. Give yourself that same compassion for the situation you are in. (Remember, what we resists, persists and even grows.)
3. Blame someone else. That's my fave. The real #3 is nobody or no thing makes me feel an emotion. The emotions are my own making. I even hate to write that. Think about it. My husband likes to finger tap, on the steering wheel, on the back of my chair, on the coffee table with his foot...he just taps. It is so irritating to me. BUT, someone else might not even notice it. Flying causes extreme anxiety in many people. I don't understand that. What drives you crazy may have zero impact on me.
4. Deny it. Yeah, that's like me telling you to not think about the pink elephant in the room . You're thinking about that now, aren't you? The real #4 is to accept it. Embrace the negative feeling and discover the message that it has for you. Ask yourself, "What does this mean?" and "What must I do with it?" Are you able to take action on whatever it is that is impacting you? I have found that most things that get under my skin are those things that I can't control. So I just have to feel the pain, and let go.
I feel better just writing this. Especially, because much of what is bothering me today is out of my control. What I can control is my response and how I live in my own world.
Naming those pesky emotions,
Jan
Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team
For a friend to subscribe, here is the link:
https://jan-mcdonald-llc.