The Unknown Struggle

“Life is either an adventure or nothing at all."

--Helen Keller

That is how I've been trying to approach unknowns since the pandemic. 

I used to spend a huge amount of time struggling with control issues. It makes me smile to even write this, because I know in my head that I can't control people or circumstances. However, control can still rear it's ugly head at times because old habits die hard. 

Remember the lockdowns?  Every other day, "they" changed the rules and we had to figure life out all over again. When I focused on this powerlessness, it felt dark and squeezing; my neck muscles tightened and my breathing got shallow.  This would often manifest outwardly as irritation, bad attitude and even a bit of anger...because I didn't know what was coming. 

When this continued inner wrestling finally became painful enough, when I finally got sick of it,  I decided to reflect more on the accompanying emotions. I wanted to crush these negative feelings, so I sat in them for awhile.

I came to the conclusion that my desire for control is really fear. WHAT? I'm not afraid of anything...unless it is an unknown or something I can't control. 
 

Powerlessness fueled the fear, which fed my irritation and anger. 

Did you know that anger or irritation releases adrenaline-like substances in our bodies? Epinephrine is one of those hormones, as well. Together, these distract us from feeling pain. These chemicals also give us a feeling of control. AHA!

No wonder being angry is such a "go-to" emotion when the pain of powerlessness arises! 

AND it's not the circumstance that impacts our emotions in a negative way, it's what we believe about the circumstance that causes the reaction.  Fear is a feeling that is caused by our belief that something or someone will cause us pain or be dangerous. Fear can also rise when we are worried about something that MAY TRANSPIRE WITH AN UNCERTAIN OUTCOME. 

The key word there is MAY. Research says that eighty-five percent of the things we worry about don't come to pass anyway.  And the fifteen percent that does happen, we handle way better than we expected! 

What a waste of energy, mentally and emotionally. It was time for a belief change for me. I needed to change how I perceived unknowns and those things, circumstances and people I couldn't control (which is just about every thing and body). I decided that it was time that I viewed life as an adventure.  Adventures are exciting and fun. Yes, they can be risky and scary, in an enjoyable way.  An adventure is something I choose--just like the thoughts I think. Unknowns and powerlessness are now adventures. 

How much time did I waste in 2020 (yeah, it was a nasty habit) grasping for things that I couldn't control anyway? What could I have used all that negative mental and emotional energy for?  How much more creative could I have been. The past is gone and it doesn't define me. Yippee!

I saw a statement in an online devotional that I enjoy, "Instead of grasping and controlling--release and receive." This was such a great reminder for me!

Thanks for listening,

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team