My experience is that complicated people are a gift. I learned the most about humility, communication and leadership from the people who challenged me the most.”
–Me
Good Monday morning!
Have you ever noticed that the most difficult people in our lives often become our greatest teachers?
Last week, I shared four questions during my From Complicated to Connected workshop. They aren’t complicated, but if we answer them honestly, they have the power to transform the way we lead, communicate, and build relationships.
These questions come from Ryan Leak’s book, “Working With Complicated People.”
1. What’s it like to be on the other side of me?
We all know our intentions. Everyone else experiences our actions. This question builds self-awareness and helps us see ourselves through someone else’s eyes.
2. What’s my part?
When relationships become difficult, it’s tempting to focus on what the other person did. Great leaders ask a different question: What part do I own? Growth begins when we stop looking for blame and start looking for responsibility.
3. What’s it like to be them?
Curiosity changes conversations. Before making assumptions, pause and consider what pressures, fears, or priorities the other person might be carrying. Understanding doesn’t always mean agreement—but it almost always creates connection.
4. What brings us together?
We all want to be valued, understood, and respected. When we focus on what we have in common instead of what sets us apart, we stop seeing people as problems to solve and start seeing them as people to understand. That’s where real connection begins.
Relationships rarely improve because someone else changes first. They improve when we ask better questions. I didn’t always like the answers to those questions…maybe that’s why complicated people are actually a gift. They help us become the kind of people we couldn’t become on our own.
This week’s challenge: Choose one relationship—at work or at home—and intentionally ask yourself these four questions before your next conversation. You may be surprised how differently you listen, respond, and lead.
Have a wonderful week!
Think and believe differently so you can become more than you thought possible,
Jan
Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team
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