“No matter the feelings, you can transform the energy of your emotions into your power.”
–Matthew Donnelly
“It’s okay, I just stuff that feeling when I get it.”
What?
As a recovering emotion stuffer, this reaction makes me smile…now. I wasn’t taught how to process my emotions. My parents were of the Builder Generation and emotions were not usually expressed…unless it was the arguments I heard from my bedroom as a little kid late at night.
The Latin derivative for the word emotion, ‘emotere’, literally means energy in motion. Emotions are just energy moving through the body. They are not good or bad, it’s the meaning that we attach to them.
The First Law of Thermodynamics (Conservation) states that energy is always conserved, it cannot be created or destroyed. In essence, energy can be converted from one form into another. What happens to emotions when they are not expressed? When anxiety, fear, resentment, sadness or any emotion that cause us to dislike ourselves and/or others are stuffed instead of processed, they have to go somewhere. Neuroscientists have come to the conclusion that stuffing results in a build up of energy in the body can manifest as stress. This can affect blood pressure, memory and self-esteem. Longer term, or chronic stress, can cause increased risk of diabetes, heart disease, depression, headaches, or anxiety disorders.
AND it takes even more energy to suppress them. Think about the last time you misunderstood what someone said to you. Instead of asking for clarification (because who desires the potential conflict that could result,) you just smiled and pretended to understand. You then went home and ran that conversation around in your head like a horse in a corral…for hours. What stories did you conjured up because you didn’t take the time to get curious about the real meaning. Or is that only me that does that?
Getting curious about the feeling, naming the feeling can be eye-opening. The body offers very insightful, accurate, and practical guidance when we get out of the way and just listen to it, without judgement. We can listen for the message that the emotion carries for us, too.
If we are in the habit of suppressing them, learning to feel and processing them feels awkward. Yes, like doing anything new for the first time. I had to get one of those emotion wheels which named the many emotions we could feel. Who knew there were so many. We get better as we practice “riding the emotional waves,” so to speak.
I can tell you from experience that I am happier and calmer because I’m learning this skill. I am also faster at identifying what I’m feeling. I don’t have to make up stories about the meaning behind unexpressed feelings, because I am learning the truth behind them and the REAL messages that they have for me. The more self-awareness I develop, the healthier I am, not only emotionally, but physically…and my relationships are better, too.
You can do it, and if you need some help, I’m here for you,
Typed with feeling,
Jan
Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team