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Your Path to Breakthroughs: Insights from Jan McDonald

From hopeless drunk to 30 years sober and helping hundreds of individuals and organizations unlock their ‘and then some’, I distill all the lessons gained from those transformational life experiences and share them with you in this space.

I invite you to explore these insights as way to help you breakthrough the challenges that are stopping you from becoming who you want to be.

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Are You Thinking About It?

"I strongly encourage you to find a place to think and to discipline yourself to pause and use it, because it has the potential to change your life."

--John Maxwell

I went briefly to another piece of equipment in my gym workout one morning. When I came back, this big buff guy was using the bench that I was using. There was another of the same kind of bench next to the one I was using, so I just went to that one. Realizing he had taken my spot, Mr. Buff apologized and we struck up a conversation while we worked out on neighboring benches.

Mr. Buff told me that he was struggling with finding a vocation in which he could find fulfillment. The job that he had now paid the bills but his passion was elsewhere. “But there’s really no money in this geographical area for what I desire to do,” he sighed.

“Have you thought about this?  What about that? And have you really spent time asking yourself how you could make money in this area doing what you love?” These were a few of the questions I asked him.

He put the gazillion pound dumbbells on the floor next to my 10 pounders, paused, and looked directly at me and said, “I haven’t thought of it like that before. I think my thinking has limited me…I need to really think about this when I leave here. Thank you.”

I knew what questions to ask him, because I have been where he is (and my coaching training has taught me questions to ask.) For a couple of months, an opportunity was staring me right in the face. I was too busy wondering if I could make the opportunity work for me.  I didn’t think I could afford it. I certainly didn’t have time for it. But when I paused to think, and asked myself questions about how I could do it, many avenues opened up for me to take advantage of the chance!

In the ”15 Invaluable Law of Growth,”  John Maxwell Talks about the power of the pause. We’ve all heard it said that experience is the best teacher. NOT! If we don’t take time to reflect on our experiences, we won’t learn from our successes or our failures.

We all have had important experiences that stop us in our tracks, didn’t we? Someone said something to us and it makes us really think. We made a mistake and we just blew it off, only to continue to make the same mistake over and over again. Or an opportunity came our way, and since we didn’t take the time to evaluate whether that opportunity is a great fit for us, we missed it altogether.

Mr. Buff made a life change soon after that conversation in the gym. After thinking about the opportunity that was staring me in the face, I made a life change, as well. 

Has there been an opportunity staring you in the face that you aren’t sure about? Is there an issue that causes a struggle and you haven’t found a solution? Is there an unsolved problem at work?  Are you not sure what your next steps are?

Be intentional in scheduling some time to reflect. Ask yourself some questions around the issue. Write your answers. Stay in the questions until you find your solution. You may not find your answer in one sitting, but if you continue to take time to reflect, you will come up with your answer. 

If you need some help with questions to ask, I’m just an email away. 

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

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You CAN Rewrite Your Story

"You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”

--C.S. Lewis

“Girls don’t go to college.”  I heard my dad say this to my sister when I was seven years old. She was 16 and really wanted to go to college. That was my dad’s final answer.  Back in the day, we didn’t question Dad…well, not at my age anyway.  But I had questions in my own mind; Why? Why don’t girls go to college?  I knew boys went to college because I had a couple of cousins that we going at the time.  Are girls not smart enough, good enough? That thought went into my young mind as a belief that if girls didn’t go to college, they must not be “good enough.” That was the story I told myself.

“She’s too little. There’s no way she can help us win.”  That  what the other kids said about me on the playground. I was always chosen last, if I was chosen at all. My teacher, Miss James, would often make them choose me and that choice was accompanying by groans and jeers.  AND I was too short for the longest time to get on the ferris wheel at Euclid Beach amusement part. I believed that being little wasn’t “good enough” either. 

Wow, two strikes against me–being a girl and being little–and there were more. Our beliefs, positive and negative, are put into our minds when we’re young. Often, well-meaning people say things that are not intended to be negative, but impact our lives just the same. Our experiences and perceptions of them can contribute to the stories that we tell ourselves, as well.

These beliefs impact our self image in such a way that we may sabotage our success until we uncover them and change them.  Our self image is composed of beliefs that we hold about ourselves.  I’ve studied and facilitated classes on self image and the truth is that we never out perform our self image. We can’t become more than we believe we can. 

The awesome part about all of this is that these beliefs  and stories can be rewritten. Dr. Caroline Lead, a neuroscientist, says this, “Regardless of the ways we have chosen to react in the past, painful toxic thoughts can be reconceptualized and reconstructed.”  It’s true and that has been my experience! 

When we choose and envision the new person we desire to be, we can begin to transform into the best person and have the best life we desire.

Imagine…imagine entering into 2025, with a newly revised story, a story that belongs to your best you. I get excited just thinking about it! 

What stories are you telling yourself? What belief or beliefs are holding you back? Is there a place in your life where you are struggling or just feel stuck? Envision your new story!

Who do you desire to be? Then go ahead and rewrite…because you can…it IS YOUR story.

If you need help with this, I’m an email away! Nothing makes my happy dance more than helping individuals change and out grow those beliefs and perceptions that may be holding them back!

Excitedly typed, 

Jan

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Go Ahead–Make The Leap!

“Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.”

Proverbs

There’s one thing I LOVE about this image below…

It’s not the fact that this mountain goat is about to make a massive leap, that if done wrong, could alter the rest of his life…

It’s not the fact that he even had enough faith to do so!

What I do love is this…

His eyes are focused on one thing only – his final destination. 

He’s not looking down wondering if he’s going to fall to his death. He’s not looking behind him regretting the decision he made, wondering what would happen if he took a different route to his final destination.  His focus is on one thing only – the other side. 

Often times in life, we finally get the courage to make a big leap (whatever that may look like). Then hours, days, weeks, or even months later, find ourselves looking down…

Looking behind…

Or even looking beside…

Second guessing our decision and wanting to retreat back to the point of our departure won’t move us forward to what we truly want.
.
If you have decided to make a leap in your life, here’s your reminder to keep your head forward and your focus ahead – despite what you may be dealing with in the present.

It will be so worth it in the end.

If you want to make a leap and need some encouragement with your focus, I’m just an email away.

Focusing forward, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team
509-643-1596

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The Art of Asking Great Questions

"The art and science of asking questions is the source of all knowledge."

--Thomas Berger

Leadership is about influence and relationships.  When the leadership level is high, the leader is able to cast the vision, set the strategy and because of the leader’s influence, the followers follow. If the leadership ability is low, the followers look to the leader for answers to questions before proceeding.
 
Management is different. It is about making the leader’s vision happen. Managers influence people to accomplish the vision of the leader.  Managers work hard to get others to do things. 
 
As former CEO of Life Options, when the staff would ask questions, I would give them the answer and go on my merry way.  This was much easier than taking the time out of my crazy schedule to explain the answer. This worked well when there were only two staff and one building.
 
The more the organization grew, the more questions I answered. I really noticed this question answering challenge when we opened our second center in another town in 2009.
 
When I began applying leadership principles, things really changed. When my staff would ask a question, instead of the easy way of telling them the answer, I would ask them a question back:
 
“What do you think we could do?”
“What do you think a good solution would be?”
“How do you think we should handle that?”
 
If it was a legal or medical question to which I didn’t know the answer, I would ask them if they knew who to call or email to get the right answer.  If they didn’t know who to call or email–I would give them that information.  At first, I suffered control freak withdrawals and my staff wondered where their old boss went.
 
I had set a standard for excellence and they knew what was expected, but because I had always given them the answer, they didn’t really trust themselves. As we continued with this new way of problem solving, they began to realize that I was going to answer their question with a question.  They thought of the solution before they came to talk to me. The conversations were more like this;
 
“Hey, I have this challenge and this is what I thought would be a good solution. What do you think of this?” More often than not, my staff began to come up with better questions and the best answer. They began to take on more responsibility and became more efficient at their jobs.  The bonus? Sometimes, they had better ideas than I would have ever thought of!!! AND I got my life back.

Developing and modeling leadership skills is contagious, as is the art of asking questions. Those you lead will watch you grow and believe that they can do that also. As they grow and become leaders themselves, occupational burnout can become a symptom of the past.

Curiously typed,

Jan

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The Law of the Mirror–do you see value in yourself?

"Personal development is the belief that you are worth the effort, time and energy needed to develop yourself."

--Denis Waitley

Dr. Ben Carson’s story is so inspiring. His mom, Sonya, didn’t have any more than a third grade education. She married his dad, a preacher, because she figured it was the only way to get anywhere. Sonya found him unfaithful and moved to Detroit with Ben and his brother to raise them as a single mom.

She believed in herself and her sons enough and went to work to provide the best that she could for them. She worked as a domestic servant and at one time, had three jobs so that she could provide for Ben and his brother, Curtis. They didn’t see much of her at times, as she would go to work before they awoke and come home after they went to bed.

Ben was at the bottom of his class and was laughed at by his peers. He developed a severe anger issue because of it.  He almost stabbed a student one day in a disagreement over radio stations. The only thing that saved him was the knife broke off in the belt of the student he attacked. Sonya believed she could turn his life around. She made Ben and Curtis read two library books per week and make reports on them.  Even though Sonya could barely read, she would look over the reports slowly, and then put a check mark on top of the page.

The boys hated the strict regimen of first doing homework and reading before they could go out to play. But later, Ben realized that he could transport himself out of Detroit by reading a book. Through this, Ben began to see value in himself and then continued to add value to himself. And the rest is history.  He had a childhood dream of becoming a doctor. He not only became a doctor, but a world renown and very gifted neurosurgeon. He has added tremendous value to others. 

Zig Ziglar, a motivational speaker, says “It’s impossible to consistently behave in a manner inconsistent with how we see ourselves.” We can do very few things in a positive way if we feel negative about ourselves. Low self-esteem is the lid on our potential. Your self-esteem deficiency will put limits on you.
 

 Steps to Build your Self-image


1. Guard your self-talk. Whether you know it or not, you have a running conversation with yourself all day long. AND WE LISTEN TO OURSELVES. Not only that, but I am sure that there are some limiting beliefs that were given to you accidentally that talk to you, as well. We can’t change the way we think about ourselves until we change the way we talk to ourselves. What we say about ourselves, we tend to believe. What we believe, we tend to act. What we act, we tend to become.  No world record was ever set by anyone who said “I can’t do this.”
 

The damage that we do to ourselves with our self talk is way worse than what others say to us.


2. Stop comparing yourself to others.  You do either of two things when you compare yourself to others. Either you perceive the other person to be far better, thinner, handsomer or smarter than you and become discouraged, or you perceive yourself better than others and become proud.

3. Move beyond your limiting beliefs. 
•    Take some time (right now) to identify a belief that limits you. (if you need help with this, let me know.)
•    Determine how the belief limits you.
•    Decide how you want to act, feel, or be instead of that belief.
•    Create a new turnaround statement that gives you permission to be this way. Read it daily. 

4.  Add value to others. It’s hard to feel bad about yourself when you’re serving others.

5. Practice a small discipline daily in a specific area of your life. Since your self-worth is based on the positive habits, actions and decisions you practice every day, why not chip away at your biggest problems daily.

What can you do every day that moves you closer to being the person you want to become?  Do the right thing, even if it’s hard.

Take a couple of minutes and write one thing that you are going to implement this week to grow your self-esteem positively. Stand tall! There isn’t anyone else like you!

I believe in you, too,

Jan 

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What Vibes Are You Sending?

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”

--Nikola Tesla

We’ve all been in a situation where we have walked into a party or meeting and thought, “This just doesn’t feel quite right. I’m not sure I like the vibe here.”  The Law of Vibration states that everything in the Universe moves and vibrates – everything is vibrating at one speed or another. Nothing rests. Everything you see around you is vibrating at one frequency or another, and so are you.  Can you remember a time when you were thinking  about someone and out of the blue, that same person calls. That’s the law of vibration at work.

We are all connected.  If you took a powerful microscope and viewed your hand, you would not be able to differentiate where your hand begins and ends.  All things are in a constant state of vibration.  The only difference between one thing and another is in the density or amplitude of vibration. Therefore, we are all connected. 

When you have a thought – your brain sends out vibrations.  Sometimes these are positive thoughts and sometimes these are negative thoughts.  Either way, the vibrations are sent out.  If you concentrate on a thought, you are increasing the density or amplitude of the vibration of those cells and the electric waves become more potent. 

Those electrical waves are originating in your mind and you are choosing the density of the vibrations. Think about how powerful that is – you are choosing the density of the vibrations of your thoughts! 
 

“Thoughts are things.”  Napolean Hill 


Everything is a manifestation of vibration. The difference is the rate of vibration or frequency.  When you are in harmony with something, you resonate with it – you are in harmonious vibration.  
By concentrating on and sending out vibrations of an image in your mind, in the present tense, you are vibrating in harmony with every particle of energy that is necessary for the manifestation of your image on the physical plane.  By holding that image, those particles of energy are moving toward you and you toward them – that is the law of vibration.

Think about the law of vibration – take some time to really think about this–that’s why imagining your future as you desire it to be is so important.  In 2019, I continually imagined myself on a sandy beach; my toes burried in the warm sand, feeling and smelling the salt sea air, listening to the sea gulls, experiencing the warmth of the sun and the breeze. In January of 2020, I spend 10 days in Maui with my daughter.  Coincidence? Test this law for yourself.  
 

“Where your focus goes, there your energy flows.” 


You will see that through the law of vibration, you will attract to you exactly that which you resonate with, that which you are in harmony with, that which you expend energy thinking about.  If you think about lack – you attract lack.  If you think about abundance – you attract abundance.  What are you vibrating out? What are you attracting to yourself.  It’s something to think about. 

Imagining abundance,

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

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Sing Your Own Song

"You've got to make your own kind of music, sing your own special song, make your own kind of music, even if nobody else sings along."

--Cass Elliott

Niccolò Paganini was an Italian violinist, violist, guitarist, and composer. He was the most celebrated violin virtuoso of his time, and left his mark as one of the pillars of modern violin technique.  He came out onto the stage one night for a concert hearing a huge round of applause.  He noticed that the violin in his hand was not his one-of-a-kind instrument, uniquely fashioned for him.  Embarrassed, he told the crowd that there had been some mistake and he didn’t have his own violin. He excused himself and hurried behind the curtain to grab that special violin. 

It was gone!  Someone had stolen his precious violin and left the second-hand one that he was holding in his hand.

He remained back of the curtain a moment, then came out before his audience and explained his predicament. Then he said, “Ladies and Gentlemen: I will show you that the music is not in the instrument, but in the soul.” And he played as he had never played before, and the music that poured forth from that old violin enraptured the audience! When he was finished, the thrilled audience gave him a standing ovation. 

“It is your mission, a tested and tried one, to walk
out on the stage of this world and reveal to all earth and Heaven that the music is not in conditions, not in the things, not in externals, but the music of life is in your own soul.”

Charles Richardson

Outside circumstances and conditions can have tremendous influence on our behavior and our results. When we empower those outside uncontrollable events to impact us negatively, we give away our own personal power.  How do we take back that power?  We take back that power by changing our thinking. We stop trying to manipulate and control those things/people that we can’t, and take responsibility for those things that we can. Whatever we think about grows…or my favorite axiom, “What we resist, persists.”  

We let go and tune in on the good. We sing our own song without comparing our melody to others.  We get grateful about our blessings and we do the best we can. We believe for the best. We imagine fabulous outcomes.  We look for the exceptional in everything and everybody. 

We know how to do this…we do the opposite all the time when we worry. The choice is ours.

Singing my own song, 

Jan

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Life Stance–we all have one

"The choice you make, makes you."

--Coach John Woodin

I was privileged to attend the Live2Lead live event virtually this week! It is jam packed with information to help us grow. John spent some time talking about the abundance mentality.  This would be a looooonnnng email if I shared all my notes on his talk, so here’s a standout moment of it.

When we have the abundance mindset, John said that we can believe that life happens for (in favor of) us.  It depends on the Life Stance that we have. A Life Stance is comprised of our daily attitudes, assumptions, expectations and what we believe about ourselves.

Life is filled with good and bad– AND both good and bad will find us. If we view life with a positive Life Stance, the good and the bad will get better. How we view good or bad is our choice and will impact our results. If we have a negative Life Stance, the bad will be worse. 

Managing bad experiences is linked to our Life Stance. Maintaining a positive life stance; being optimistic, cheerful, trusting and brave helps us to thrive through our bad times and turn them into a positive growth. 

I think we may already know the above, but here’s a quote from John for you to ponder, “Procrastination is because we don’t believe something good will come from our actions.” 

Wow! I never looked at procrastination like that, did you? Looking at what we’re procrastinating with a positive Life Stance helps us move forward! I hope this helps you like it did me. 

If you would like to attend Live2Lead Tri-Cities on October 4th, early bird prices end August 31. Click here to register: https://www.jan-mcdonald.com/l2l

Thinking positively, 

Jan



Jan McDonald

Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

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We All Have Learning Models

"The illiterate of the future are not those who can't read or write, but those who can't learn, unlearn and relearn."

--Alvin Toffler, "Future Shock"

We all know exactly what we should be doing with our time, and our lives. Despite that, sometimes we just don’t do it.  Why is that?

When we think of what prevents people from doing what they know, we have to look at their learning models, as humans. We all operate through learned models. Some operate through learning models of achievement and some operate through learning models of failure. Either way, they are learning models. There’s 3 components to a learning model:

  1. Awareness
  2. Belief
  3. Understanding and application of the principles in the model

Take for example, a six-year-old learning to ride a bike. It all starts with the awareness of the desire to ride a bike. (As humans, we all have a desire to be, do or have more. It’s in our DNA. It’s part of us.) The child begins to explore his belief in his ability to succeed at bike riding. He lacks the belief he can ride because he hasn’t ever done it…up until now. If he didn’t believe he  could do it, or do it as well as others, he might sabotage himself.  He sabotages because he begins to outperform his level of belief. He defaults back to the old pattern, the status quo, of not knowing how to ride a bike. 

We see this all the time in students when they prepare for the SAT test. They take the classes, learn the skills and then blow the test. We say they are bad test takers, when in actuality, they have reached their own level of belief. They aren’t sure they can perform well on the test.

We never outperform our belief level. Until our belief level about who we are and what we can do changes, we can be skilled as all get out, but we don’t export that skill.  

The third part of this is understanding and applying the skillsets. Most people don’t perform their past behavior because they never get past their level of belief.  At some point in the six-year-old’s life, the desire to ride overcomes every fear, doubt and worry he has about riding. He watches the others and pictures himself there with them.  Someone shows up to show him, to teach him balance and encourage him.  The child doesn’t even care if he is ridiculed for falling because his vision of himself riding a bike has expanded beyond his fear of failure.  When he falls, he gets back up and continually tries. Eventually, he succeeds!!

This is exactly how we turn learning models of failure into learning models of success. Once we become aware of a new desire to be, do or have more,  we explore our beliefs. Yes, we may not be experienced in this new desire. It might be true that we don’t  have a clue on how to achieve this new desire or goal.

I don’t know who said this, but I believe it, because I have lived it.

“If the dream is big enough, the facts don’t count.”

To change my learning model, my experience has been to build an image within my mind that’s an entirely new image. Then I begin living the new image I want  AS IF I already in the new image that I want to express.  It’s interesting how people, opportunities and ideas show up to help me understand and apply the principles in the new model that I envision. With practice, time and belief, I can build this new image on the outside. It’s just like learning to ride a bike!

I hope this makes sense. Why do you not do what you know you should do?  If you have questions, shoot me an email. Don’t beat yourself up, just become aware of where you want change.  Think about who you want to become, what you want to do or have and know that it’s possible.

Dreaming bigger,

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Tea

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People Do What People See

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing."

--Albert Schweitzer

“What do you mean Julie (my daughter) cut class?” The high school truent officer called me at work to tell me Julie missed 5th period. Julie was such a great kid–a straight “A” student and never got in trouble. That guy couldn’t be right and I told him I would talk to her and get back to him. 


I called home during a work break and was pretty tough on her because she admitted she didn’t go to 5th period.  She explained to me, “Mom, my friend was so depressed and she need someone to talk with her. I spent 5th period in the bathroom helping her feel better. We went right back to 6th period after that. I know it was wrong, but Mom, you drop everything to help your AA friends in trouble all the time.” 

I called the truent officer and told him if he needed a written excuse for Julie’s absence, I would send him one. 

People do what people see.  Leadership is more caught than taught. Let me share some principles of the Law of the Picture to help us become more effective leaders. These come from a teaching from John Maxwell;

1. Eighty-nine percent of learning is visual according to educators. Maxwell says, “What we see, we will be.” Followers want leaders to “show me, don’t just tell me.”

2. It’s easier to teach what is right than to do what is right. I could tell my kids what to do all the time, however they imitated my actions faster than they listened to my words. As leaders, we need to practice what we preach.

3. Leaders need to work on themselves first. (Yeah, I don’t like that either:) We need to be the change we want to see in life. 

4. The most valuable gift I can give others is a good example. There is nothing more confusing to those we lead than to say one thing and do another. 
 
A survey was taken by a profession staffing corporation. The number one trait they wanted from a boss was “to lead by example.” The second most popular was: “to possess strong ethics and morals.”  This just about says it all. 

I wish I understood this law when I was raising my kids.  The great thing about leadership principles is that we can learn them at any time in our lives. It is an inside job.  If your organization needs some leadership training, I’m happy to help!

Continuing to learn,

Jan

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We Could Be In Trouble

"High Road Leadership--bringing people together in a world that divides."

--John C Maxwell

I had to turn off the TV after the first five minutes of the debate and my thought was “we could be in trouble.”  

Developing leadership skills was life-changing for me and the organization that I led for 14 years. My relationships improved because my communication skills got better.  I am addicted to professional development because with it, life continues to expand for me. I want that for everyone from the bottom of my mauve painted toenails!

I look at our world today and I realize that the leadership that is being modeled for our next generation leaders is not remotely the same that it was when I was growing up.  

We are living in a world where disagreement reigns and instead of conditions improving for people because of good leadership, many are disappointed and disillusioned because of bad leadership. This is occurring on both sides of the aisle, too. 

We argue over things that we shouldn’t be arguing over and everything seems to cause a fight.  We are not uniting over common ground and the chasm between people seems to widen.

Good  leadership demands that we have character and that we serve others. It is not about gaining power so we can have control over others.  There are not many political leaders in our country who are serving the people, they seem to be there to serve themselves.

Leaders that have character are truth tellers and hope spreaders.  Where have we seen that in today’s leadership and/or in our media…or even in our schools?
Kindness and consideration used to be the minimum standard when we interact with each other, but too many people don’t hold to those same values anymore.

From John’s book, High Road Leadership, “more than 75 percent of Americans believe morals are getting worse. They cite the greatest problem as a lack of consideration for others.” 

What are we modeling for the next generation? There is a leadership law called The Law of the Picture–which shows us that people do what people see. What is the next generation witnessing? This is what makes me sad. 

I want to spread some hope through an invitation for you. I am thrilled to announce to you that my colleague and I are bringing in a leadership conference on October 4, 2024. It is a simulcast of John Maxwell’s Live2Lead. It’s an experience designed to inspire, educate, and equip leaders at all levels. In this 5-hour conference, you will gain new insights and growth tools from thought leaders and peers. You will engage in a meaningful day of learning and connecting with others with a leadership mindset.  

We need each other to make a significant impact in our businesses and communities. I believe that through learning and collaboration, we can begin to model and spread great leadership for those coming behind us. 

Here is a link for more information: https://www.jan-mcdonald.com/l2l

Come and be a part of a conference that brings people together in a world that divides. Thank you for considering this invitation and I look forward to the possibility of working together to make a meaningful difference in our lives and communities. 

If you have any questions or need more information, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me!

Looking forward to hearing from you, 

Jan

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Dream Stealers

"A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future."

--Denis Waitley

This was my post on Facebook one night in 2019 after another long day of house hunting. “37 homes and  and maybe it’s time to look in Pasco. What are the good neighborhoods?”  As I scrolled down through the replies, I read this, “37 homes? I think you’re too picky.”  The hair on the back of my neck stood up, as I pondered that perceived sarcastic reply.  As I thought about it, I caved to that probability and replied, “totally possible.” 

Then “The Committee” in my head started. “Maybe you are too picky. You’ve looked at that many and maybe your dream home isn’t out there. Maybe you should just settle for…blah, blah, blah.”  I was just weary of thinking about it, so I went to sleep. 

You may remember me sharing before that if you have a problem, you ask your subconscious for a solution before you go to sleep. Many times, you’ll wake up with the solution because your subconscious will work on it while you are sleeping. Guess what my subconscious worked on all night?  Yep, that I should settle for a home that doesn’t fit most of my simple parameters and desires.  My attitude was, “I’m tired of looking, maybe we should make an offer on that one that I could live in…if I repainted, re-carpeted, moved that wall, revamped the yard, put a bathtub in the master and then some…”  

And I remember laughing, because after my quiet time and coffee, I stood up, squared my shoulders  and told that stinking Committee to “shut up, because I do not settle…ever.” 

That should be your attitude, as well, when someone tries to steal YOUR dream.  We weren’t created to settle. The acorn doesn’t settle for 5 feet tall, it grows into a mighty oak. The Spirit of every human is always seeking fuller expression and expansion–it’s in our DNA. We never “arrive.”  That’s why we have that inner urge to be, do and have more.  The Journal of Consumer Research points out that people who set ambitious goals tend to be happier than those with lower expectations.  It’s who we are!!!

I’m grateful for that person who said I might be too picky.  It blew up my weariness and refueled my desire to find the home, that I knew in my heart, was out there. 

You know we found it…the 50th home we looked at. It’s perfect!

So dust off your dreams. Pursue them with all your might. It doesn’t matter what someone says, if they laugh, think you can’t afford it, or question your sanity. Do not let anyone, or your thoughts or beliefs, steal your dream.  DO NOT SETTLE. You are so worth it. I believe in you and I believe in your dreams. (Let me know if you want to be part of my next Mastermind to help you see and seize your dream.)

Never settling, 

Jan

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Knowing Your Why Gives You R and R

"Our why helps us understand why we do what we do” and “how much more we can achieve if we remind ourselves to start everything we do by first asking why.”

--Simon Sinek

When you get this email, I’ll be doing a workshop to give an organization’s team some R and R. Yes, the boss wanted to gift her staff with a workshop that would give them Rest and Relaxation. 

As I wrote this, I realized that I’ll be sharing the tools that I have learned to get through tough times. Living in today’s world can be tough. This is a secular organization so I left the “God” stuff out, but the tools work regardless. 

One of these tools is knowing our why.  Our “why” is the underlying reason or foundation for our behind your actions, decisions, and goals. It’s the deep-rooted motivation that fuels our passion and gives meaning to our lives.

Knowing why we do what we do is like having a treasure map for our lives. It helps us stay on track, even when the path gets tough. When we know our why, we can make better decisions, set goals, and live a more fulfilling life.

When we have a written “why”, we can turn to that in times that are tough. It will inspire us in the hard times.  

Rick Warren quotes, “Humans were made to live with meaning. Without purpose, life is meaningless. A meaningless life is a life without hope or significance…purpose gives meaning. Meaning gives hope and significance.” 


We  have special and unique talents and gifts to impact the world in our way. We were created for a purpose, a “why.” We have to look within to find that “why” and it is usually hooked to your strengths and the things that give you joy.

Here are some questions to help you find your “why:”

1.        Why do you work? Yes, I understand that it pays the bills. What else is the money for? 
2.        Why do you work where you work? What is it about the work that satisfies you.
3.        What gives you joy? What do you day dream about?
4.        What does your soul crave?

What does knowing your why have to do with R and R? 

There are times in my life when I have to go back to “oh yeah, I’m doing this because my purpose is to inspire individuals to bring out their best…and then some.”  I have to remember that not everyone wants to take that trip. Many choose comfort over growth and that’s okay.  Sometimes that’s hard for me.

What’s really hard is to look at our world today and see the craziness. Most of what’s happening is out of my control. And you know how I feel about that:) 

Instead of focusing on today’s world, I go back to how it feels when those I coach or train experience huge wins and growth (my why). When their limiting belief are crushed, my heart warms, the anxiety leaves, my shoulders relax…it’s like I’ve gone to the beach for a moment…and you know how that feels.

Where our focus goes, there our energy flows. I would rather focus on the good that I can do through my “why” than focus on the craziness. 

Try it. Go back to your why when you feel the negativity. Let me know how it works for you. 

If you need help finding your why, reach on out to me. I’d love to chat. 

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It’s Not Failure–It’s A Lesson

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

--Winston Churchill

My friend Les Brown says “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” We may be worried about what other people will say. And it’s true, we may well be laughed at or criticized by those who  lack our courage. But those who never made a mistake or never failed never tried anything new. And there is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. And it’s obvious where that will lead. 

It doesn’t matter how long it takes us or how slowly we go, as long as we don’t give up. As long as we don’t stop.


I came across something called Rules for Being Human that apply to all of us at one time or another:

Rule #1: You will learn lessons.
Rule #2: There are no mistakes–only lessons.
Rule #3: A lesson is repeated until it is learned.
Rule #4: If you don’t learn the easy lessons, they get harder.
Rule #5: You’ll know you’ve learned a lesson when your actions change. 

Everyone fails at some time or something. The question is not will we fail or make mistakes, the question is how will we respond to them. The big plus of failure is that every time you fail and learn from it—it grows you up. It makes you better. You grow mentally. You get smarter. You feel better about yourself every time. Failing and making mistakes are not such a big deal. You try bigger things. It turns into an amazing transformative cycle where you begin to believe big about yourself. 

John Maxwell says “If we learn to embrace a new definition of failure, then we are free to start moving ahead–and failing forward.”  That is, if we never give up!

Failing forward!

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Where’s The Pony?

"In every adversity, there lies the seed of equivalent advantage. In every defeat is a lesson showing you how to win the victory next time."

--Robert Collier

There was a family that had twin boys. Worried that the boys had developed extreme personalities – one was a total pessimist, the other a total optimist – their parents took them to a psychiatrist.

First the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with brand-new toys. But instead of yelping with delight, the little boy burst into tears. “What’s the matter?” the psychiatrist asked, baffled. “Don’t you want to play with any of the toys?”

“Yes,” the little boy bawled, “but if I did I’d only break them.”

Next the psychiatrist treated the optimist. Trying to dampen his out look, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with horse manure. But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist emitted just the yelp of delight the psychiatrist had been hoping to hear from his brother, the pessimist. Then he clambered to the top of the pile, dropped to his knees, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop with his bare hands.

“What do you think you’re doing?’ the psychiatrist asked, just as baffled by the optimist as he had been by the pessimist.

“With all this manure,” the little boy replied, beaming, “there must be a pony in here somewhere!” 

I love this story.  It reminds me that I need to look for the good even in the trying times.  I remember how trying the COVID lockdowns were.  Maybe you remember that I experienced a mental meltdown one afternoon–I grabbed my hiking boots and raged out the door for Badger.  I hiked with all of my might and about 12 minutes in, when I could barely breathe anymore–and I started to laugh.  I thought to myself, “Wait a minute, I teach and coach on this…on having a good attitude in the midst of a lousy circumstance.” 

There’s a gap between the knowing and the doing and I needed to begin the doing…period.

I realized that I couldn’t write this stuff for you if I wasn’t walking my talk. A huge part of leadership is leading by example…and I certainly was not a stellar example.  I started looking for the ponies…daily.  Here are some that I found back then: Dennis was considered essential and was still working. I connected by Zoom with those I love. I learned how to play games online with others. I also developed the skills to hold training workshops on Zoom.  I was (and still am) extremely healthy. I worked out with WalMart resistance bands and that helped my stress level.  Spring was more beautiful that year because I had more time to appreciate it. My faith in God grew. 

I found out some things about myself, too.  I need people more than I thought. That’s a huge “aha!” for a task-oriented person. I also learned that the feeling of powerlessness can wreak havoc on my attitude. As a recovering control freak, I knew that, but the lockdown was an intense reminder.  If I can’t control it, which is most of life right, I needed to not stress about it. 

What prompted this email was a memory that popped up on Facebook from this time in 2020.  Seeing that memory was a great reminder for me that I still need to look for ponies in the pile of manure that I may experience. 

Think about it–they are in that pile. 

Still learning to dig,

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How Do I Lead My Supervisor

"Nothing so conclusively proves a man's ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself."

--Thomas J Watson

In the last couple of weeks, I have had these questions come up. “What can I do to have more influence over my supervisor?”  “How can I tell my boss he needs leadership training?”  “How do I convince people they need leadership skills when they don’t think they do?”

These are great questions. When one is used to being the leader, being told what to do or how to do it isn’t very comfortable. I’m in that position now and it’s an interesting feeling. As a task-oriented person, and a former CEO, it’s difficult to serve with people who take forever to make decisions. I think that my way could be a better, faster way, often. (and maybe it’s not, either:)  I’ve not had to lead from within for a long time and I’ve made some great discoveries. 

I read John’s Maxwell’s book, “360 Degree Leader.” The book is about developing the ability to lead from anywhere in an organization. So let me give you some answers to those questions from that book and from my experiences: 

1. We need to lead ourselves first with excellence and then model that behavior. Remember, we can’t give what we don’t have, AND we don’t get who we want, we get who we are. Great behavior influences those around us for the better.

2. We need to understand what is important to our leader. What is the mission of the organization from which your leader operates, or should? Really try and connect with your leader by investing in that relationship. John says to be a champion of what your leader desires. 

3. We aren’t always right. WHAT? Yes, keep an open mind and be willing to see your supervisor’s perspective. If it is not clear what is desired, ask questions with all gentleness and respect. Show curiosity and an eagerness to learn. Understand that your leader has the overall organizational picture in mind, not just your current situation. 

4. Know when to push back and when to back off. We must read the atmosphere of our workplace to determine the best timing to confront or wait for a better time. This doesn’t mean we never bring the situation up again, it just means we discern the right time. 

5. Be known as the “go-to” person. Develop the ability and willingness to tackle the tasks given us without complaining (or allowing our judger self to arise:) Make sure our body language agrees, as well, when we say, “Sure, I’ll do that,” even if the task is not our job description.   

6. Lastly, on this list anyway…and maybe it should be first. Make it your goal to make your leader successful. Be a team player and lighten your supervisor’s load–when he/she is successful, the whole organization succeeds. 

Yeah, if you were one who asked the questions, you probably didn’t want to hear any of this. We already know, especially if we have teenagers or spouses…or bosses, that we are unable to change anyone else. Transformation starts with me.

Go ahead, model great leadership behavior for those around you. It becomes contagious. If those who lead you are unable to “get it,” your own life will change. You will be transformed in the process and that, my friends, is so worth it. 

Thank you for asking, 

Jan

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