Your Path to Breakthroughs: Insights from Jan McDonald

From hopeless drunk to 30 years sober and helping hundreds of individuals and organizations unlock their ‘and then some’, I distill all the lessons gained from those transformational life experiences and share them with you in this space.

I invite you to explore these insights as way to help you breakthrough the challenges that are stopping you from becoming who you want to be.

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"Embarking on a vision without values is like driving a windy road without guard rails."

--John Maxwell

I often help companies and organizations flesh out their values because it sets standards and expectations by which employees work. When team members know specifically how they are to show up at work, this helps with engagement and productivity. 

When coaching people and chatting with individuals, I have discovered that most have not taken the time to discover their  core values.  

Values describe how we want to behave in an ongoing basis. They reflect what we want to stand for in our lives. Values provide a foundation for our relationships. They are principles or standards by which people live.  We often compare them to a compass because they give us a direction and guide our life’s journey.  They help us create the future that we want to experience. 

When the way we think, speak and behave match our values, life feels very good – we feel whole, content, in our power. Life feels full of meaning and purpose. But when these don’t align with our personal values, then things feel… wrong. Life feels uneasy. We feel out of touch, discontented, restless, unhappy.

Here’s how values work. If one of your values is honesty and you are in a relationship where that is not valued, there’s no trust in that relationship. How will you feel about that relationship?  How long will that relationship last without trust?  On the other hand, if there is honesty in that relationship, you feel good about that aspect of the relationship.
 

How can we discover our values?  Here is a way:

For one week, take a few moments each day to write down 3 things: 
•    That made you feel good
•    That made you feel bad
•    That made you feel useful
•    Others did that you admired
•    Others did that you disliked

Looking at your answers, notice the themes that come up. What do you want to do/experience more of? Less of? Upon reflection, what specific qualities, beliefs, and standards for behavior are at the root of these themes and desires?  Then write these answers down. 

I know, this takes reflection and time and if you need some help, I can be available for that.  But can you imagine how it will feel when you have definite values that define your behavior and actions. They will be your true north.  AND if you and your significant other do this together, and you have shared values, how will that make your relationship feel?  AND if you don’t have a significant other yet, the more reason to discover your values and write them down. It will give you a standard to which you can hold your incoming relationships.

Take some time and discover your values, as they are the foundation for your life purpose, and they remind you–and others–who you truly are. 

Make it a great week, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
John Maxwell Team

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"No matter the feelings, you can transform the energy of your emotions into your power."

--Matthew Donnelly

Last week, I wrote about  overcoming negative emotions https://jan-mcdonald-llc.mykajabi.com/blog/.  After that email went out, I realized that I forgot an important concept that goes with that. The Latin derivative for the word emotion, ‘emotere’, literally means energy in motion.  Emotions are just energy moving through the body. If you remember from last week, they are not good or bad, it’s the meaning that we attach to them. 

The First Law of Thermodynamics (Conservation) states that energy is always conserved, it cannot be created or destroyed. In essence, energy can be converted from one form into another. What happens to emotions when they are not expressed?  When anxiety, fear, resentment, sadness or any emotion that causes us to dislike ourselves and/or others are stuffed, instead of processed, they have to go somewhere.  Neuroscientists have come to the conclusion that stuffing results in a build up of energy in the body can manifest as stress. This can affect blood pressure, memory and self-esteem. Longer term, or chronic stress, can cause increased risk of diabetes, heart disease, depression, headaches, or anxiety disorders. 

AND it takes even more energy to suppress them. Think about the last time you misunderstood what someone said to you. Instead of asking for clarification (because who desires the potential conflict that could result?) you just smiled and pretended to understand. You then  went home and ran that conversation around in your head like a horse in a corral…for hours. Or is that only me that does that? 

Like we talked about last week, getting curious about the feeling, naming the feeling  can be eye-opening. The body offers very insightful, accurate, and practical guidance when we get out of the way and just listen to it, without judgement. We can listen for the message that the emotion carries for us, too.

If we are in the habit of suppressing them, learning to feel and processing them feels awkward. Yes, like doing anything new for the first time.  I had to get one of those emotion wheels which named the many emotions we could feel. Who knew there were so many? We get better as we practice “riding the emotional waves,” so to speak.

I can tell you from experience that I am happier and calmer because I’m learning this skill. I am also faster at identifying what I’m feeling. I don’t have to make up stories about the meaning behind unexpressed feelings, because I am learning the truth behind them and the REAL messages that they have for me. The more self-awareness I develop, the healthier I am, not only emotionally, but physically…and my relationships are better, too. 

You can do it, and if you need some help, I’m here for you,

Typed with feeling,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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"Emotions are neither good nor bad, it's our thinking that makes them so."

--My humble opinion

The second week of the quarantine was an emotional week for me. Everything angered me. To make a long story short, a conversation with my coach brought to light that I believed that feeling emotions are what weak people do. I have no idea where I got that perception—and it doesn’t really matter. That is the meaning that I attached to feeling negative emotions. When I first sobered up, all emotions were identified as anger. Because I never allowed myself to feel negative emotions, I was confused about the myriad of them and how they can be processed positively. 

Rather than cry, be sad, feel disappointment, fear for my future, rejection…I would stuff those emotions down rather than feel them. I didn’t realize just how much energy it took to squash those and move on. All of those emotions had festered and blew up during the third week of the quarantine. It was pretty ugly. This is what happens when we stuff them. Dr. Caroline Leaf says that if they don’t come out they can fester and have a profound, unfavorable impact on our health.

Here’s the truth that I came to: People who allow themselves to feel their pain are tough. Those are the strong people. That is what’s true. God gave us emotions. They have something to tell us and because I stuffed, I missed a lot of messages about life that would have helped me.  Emotions are not good or bad. It’s the meaning and the self-talk that we attach to them that make them what they are.  They help us talk about feelings more clearly, avoid or resolve conflicts better, and move past difficult feelings more easily. Knowing how to process and talk about them enhances our relationships and our lives. 

Ever the optimist, I believed that things would change for the better after the election…or I wanted to believe that. Hahahahaha. How do we defuse negative emotions?  I’m not a psychologist, and I’m not talking about the grief experienced from loss. but this is how I handle negative emotions:

1. Eat chocolate. I’m sure there’s a chemical in chocolate that makes you feel better.  Just kidding. The real #1 is to step back and identify it. Get curious. What is the emotion?  What is causing the emotion?  When I take  the time to name the emotion, it usually isn’t anger at all, but fear, rejection, disappointment, frustration, self-judgement, etc. Take the time to ask yourself enough questions to name it.  Naming it removes some of its power. 

2. Tequila shots and Moosehead beer. NOT! That’s the old me. The real second step is to FEEL the emotion. The goal is to feel it; not make it go away.  I know that sounds crazy, but  Dr. Leaf says, “Feeling is healing.”  Be your own best friend. If you were down, your best friend wouldn’t tell you to “just get over it” or “just rip the band aid off.” They would validate your feeling and empathize with you. Give yourself that same compassion for the situation you are in. (Remember, what we resists, persists and even grows.)

3. Blame someone else. That’s my fave. The real #3 is nobody or no thing makes me feel an emotion. The emotions are my own making. I even hate to write that. Think about it. My husband likes to finger tap, on the steering wheel, on the back of my chair, on the coffee table with his foot…he just taps. It is SO irritating to me. BUT, someone else might not even notice it. Flying causes extreme anxiety in many people. I don’t understand that. What drives you crazy may have zero impact on me. 

4. Deny it. Yeah, that’s like me telling you to not think about the pink elephant in the room. You’re thinking about that now, aren’t you? The real #4 is to accept it. Embrace the negative feeling and discover the message that it has for you. Ask yourself, “What does this mean?” and “What must I do with it?” Are you able to take action on whatever it is that is impacting you? I have found that most things that get under my skin are those things that I can’t control. I just have to feel the pain, and let go.  

I feel better just writing this. Especially, because much of what is bothering me today is out of my control. What I can control is my response and how I live in my own world.

Naming those pesky emotions, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
John Maxwell Team

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"Mostly, none of us have it altogether, just some of us are brave enough to keep getting back up often in-spite of being too much for some and not enough for others."

--Rene Groom

Rene Groom is my friend and she’s a fabulous writer and photographer.  I saw her post on Facebook and thought it was sooooo inspiring, I got her permission to share it with you.

“This morning as I stared at my “to-do” list. I felt restless…unable to truly focus on any one thing. So, as I often do, I grabbed my camera and headed for the truck. As I pulled into one of our local gas stations there was a young women sitting on the curb who looked like perhaps her day had started out worse than mine. As I started to get out of the truck our eyes met, briefly.

As I continued to watch her, her eyes now gazing down, I asked if she was okay.

Clearly not, she couldn’t make out the words, but shook her head as if to convince me she was. I quickly told her that I was glad, and proceeded to tell her my day started out less then stellar, as well. She half- heartily laughed. I then went on to say I was headed into the store to buy myself “a stiff one,” smiling as I explained in my world that meant a diet coke. I asked her if she’d like one too. She nodded that she would.

I made my purchases and pulled up a seat next to her on the curb, and she began to speak. While I won’t go on about the content of our conversation, I will say this…the world is full of people who are always more than happy to point out what they think they are or are not…I played her Lauren Diagle’s Song “You Say”  https://youtu.be/N8WK9HmF53w  from my phone and shared that sadly her experience isn’t unique to her. I shared that I am a writer who has severe dyslexia – and who is not immune to my critics’ voices; a  photographer who tries to compete in a competitive arena without being able to afford all the lenses and expensive cameras I might want, or feel like I need, to advance; a mom who has regrets; a wife who struggles to get it right; a daughter who…well… you know the list. I asked her if she thought she could turn off the negative noise and learn to find her tribe… to weed out those who only speak negative into her life and replace them with positive. She agreed to try. I thanked her for being there today. And told her how much the God of the Universe must love her… that HE would interrupt my “important” chore list ( we laughed) just so that I could spend time with her.  

After we said our good-byes, I drove on fighting back tears, heartbroken for a young lady that I had just met. At 57, I am getting better at turning the noise down. On my drive down by the river, I was aware that much of what I heard me tell her, was stuff my own heart also needed to hear. Mostly, none of us have it altogether, just some of us are brave enough to keep getting back up often in-spite of being too much for some and not enough for others.” 


WOW! Just wow! I don’t know who else needed to hear that…besides me.  Find your tribe, those who speak life and greatness into you. You deserve it. We deserve it. 

Turning down the noise, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
John Maxwell Team

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"The art and science of asking questions is the source of all knowledge."

--Thomas Berger

Leadership is about influence and relationships.  When the leadership level is high, the leader is able to cast the vision, set the strategy and because of the leader’s influence, the followers follow. If the leadership ability is low, the followers look to the leader for answers to questions before proceeding.

Management is different. It is about making the leader’s vision happen.  Managers influence people to accomplish the vision of the leader.  Managers work hard to get others to do things. 
 
As former CEO of Life Options, when the staff would ask questions, I would give them the answer and go on my merry way.  This was much easier than taking the time out of my crazy schedule to explain the answer. This worked well when there were only two staff and one building.
 
The more the organization grew, the more questions I answered. I really noticed this question answering challenge when we opened our second center in another town in 2009.
 
When I began applying leadership principles, things really changed. When my staff would ask a question, instead of the easy way of telling them the answer, I would ask them a question back:
 
“What do you think we could do?”
“What do you think a good solution would be?”
“How do you think we should handle that?”
 
If it was a legal or medical question to which I didn’t know the answer, I would ask them if they knew who to call or email to get the right answer.  If they didn’t know who to call or email–I would give them that information.  At first, I suffered control freak withdrawals and my staff wondered where their old boss went.
 
I had set a standard for excellence and they knew what was expected, but because I had always given them the answer, they didn’t really trust themselves. As we continued with this new way of problem solving, they began to realize that I was going to answer their question with a question.  They thought of the solution before they came to talk to me. The conversations were more like this;
 
“Hey, I have this challenge and this is what I thought would be a good solution.” More often than not, my staff began to come up with the best answer. They began to take on more responsibility and became more efficient at their jobs.  The bonus? Sometimes, they had better ideas than I would have ever thought of!!! AND I got my life back.

Developing and modeling leadership skills is contagious.  Those you lead will watch you grow and believe that they can do that also. As they grow and become leaders themselves, occupational burnout can become a symptom of the past.

Ask away!

Jan

Jan McDonald
John Maxwell Team

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"You've got to make your own kind of music, sing your own special song, make your own kind of music, even if nobody else sings along."

--Cass Elliot

Niccolò Paganini was an Italian violinist, violist, guitarist, and composer. He was the most celebrated violin virtuoso of his time, and left his mark as one of the pillars of modern violin technique.  He came out onto the stage one night for a concert hearing a huge round of applause.  He noticed that the violin in his hand was not his one-of-a-kind instrument, uniquely fashioned for him.  Embarrassed, he told the crowd that there had been some mistake and he didn’t have his own violin. 

 He excused himself and hurried behind the curtain to grab that special violin. It was gone!  Someone had stolen his precious violin and left the second-hand one that he was holding in his hand.

He remained back of the curtain a moment, then came out before his audience and explained his predicament. Then he said, “Ladies and Gentlemen: I will show you that the music is not in the instrument, but in the soul.” And he played as he had never played before and the music that poured forth from that old violin enraptured the audience! When he was finished, the thrilled audience gave him a standing ovation.  

It is your mission, a tested and tried one, to walk out on the stage of this world and reveal to all earth and Heaven that the music is not in conditions, not in the things, not in externals, but the music of life is in your own soul.                                                                    —Charles Richardson
 
Outside circumstances and conditions can have tremendous influence on our behavior and our results. When we empower those outside uncontrollable events to impact us negatively, we give away our own personal power.  How do we take back that power?  We take back that power by changing our thinking. We stop trying to manipulate and control those things/people that we can’t, and take responsibility for those things that we can. Whatever we think about grows…or my favorite axiom, “What we resist, persists.”  

We let go and tune in on the good. We sing our own song without comparing our melody to others.  We get grateful about our blessings and we do the best we can. We believe for the best. We imagine fabulous outcomes.  We look for the exceptional in everything and everybody.  We know how to do this…we do the opposite all the time when we worry. The choice is ours, 

Singing my own song, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
John Maxwell Team

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"Teachers change the world, one child at a time."

--I don't know who said this, but it's true

This is a crazy year for teachers. I know this first hand from one of my teacher, coaching clients. They have to learn new technology, new student engagement strategies and new ways of instructing. While the teachers are learning, at the same time their students need to learn new concepts in new ways with new technology, too. This is daunting for me to think about, let alone be the teacher that desires to make a positive impact on their students.  Yes, the influence of a good teacher can never be erased. 

Let me share one of my favorite stories with you:

As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X’s and then putting a big “F” at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child’s past records and she put Teddy’s off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise. Teddy’s first grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners… he is a joy to be around..”

His second grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.”

His third grade teacher wrote, “His mother’s death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn’t show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren’t taken.”

Teddy’s fourth grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is withdrawn and doesn’t show much interest in school. He doesn’t have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.”

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy’s. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume.. But she stifled the children’s laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist.

 
Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, “Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to.”

After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her “teacher’s pets.”

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he’d stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor’s degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer…. The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.

Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together. They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson’s ear, “Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference.”

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, “Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn’t know how to teach until I met you.” 


In spite of the massive changes you have had to make, I know  there will be many lives that will be positively impacted because of you…because your students ARE important to you. You believe in them. Thank you, teachers, for doing what it takes to make a difference in the lives of those you influence. 

Gratefully typed, 

Jan 

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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"Goals. There's no telling what you can do when you get inspired by them. There's no telling what you can do when you believe in them. There's no telling what will happen when you act upon them.

--Jim Rohn

I know, I feel the same way, too. 2020 can’t be over fast enough. BUT…do we just want to survive it, or do we want to position ourselves for a stellar 2021. We don’t know yet what next year is going to look like. We can wait to find out, or we can do what we can do to catapult ourselves into 2021.  Maybe we could set some goals. 

Many people don’t even like to hear about goal setting. They have not reached their goals in the past and have come to believe, “what’s the use, I tried so many times.”  This “failure” becomes their identity. They keep living day in and day out the same life, thinking that they are unable to change. NOT.
 
I believe most, if not all of us, have a longing to be more, do more and have more.  Or maybe this longing manifests itself in a very subtle discontent. This dissatisfaction can urge us identify our vision…what we want for our life…that’s where the goal setting becomes so important.
 
The most successful people on this planet didn’t wake up one day with an idea and a few minutes later after they got dressed became successful…No way. They had an idea and they developed a plan.  Within that plan there were goals – some big, some little – some attainable, some way out there. 


And each day, they worked at it – chipping away, having triumphs and failures along the way but tweaking and re-evaluating and working toward their desired life. 


Have you ever thought about it this way?  We have had goals from the day we were born.  Sit up. Crawl. Walk. Talk. Feed ourselves. Dress ourselves. Express ourselves. Make friends. Learn. Communicate. Develop relationships. Learn a skill.  When you think about it, it’s true, we’ve been setting goals since we were babies. And look, we have achieved these.  We didn’t care how many times we fell on our butts (failed) when we wanted to walk. We just kept doing it until we got it right.

Going through life without goals is like getting in our car and driving aimlessly expecting to arrive at our destination without a clue how to get there.  If we had a road map or a GPS, we could have gotten there in a reasonable amount of time but because we just drove and drove – maybe we will eventually get there but at what cost?  How much time and energy did we waste because we didn’t take a couple minutes to punch in the destination in our GPS? AND did our destination give us joy? Were we excited to get there?

We have 87 days left to plan for 2021. Here are some ideas:

1. What does your desired life look like? Spend a couple of hours really thinking about what you want. Then write it down. 

2. Who do you need to become to get what you want? What characteristics do you need to develop?

3. List the thing or things that you perceive are preventing you from getting there. 

4. What are 5 things you can do NOW to overcome the things listed in step 3 so you can move forward to the destination of your desire? 

5. What is ONE big thing that you’ve been putting off?  Do it now.  

There. That wasn’t so hard, was it? The benefit of starting now, is that you can get your destination locked in your mind’s eye. Then you develop a plan and create habits that will get you there. Baby steps now (we still have 87 days) will help you finish this year strong and launch into 2021 prepared for your best year yet.  

If you need help with this, I’m just an email away!

Excitedly typed,

Jan

Jan McDonald
John Maxwell Team

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"Discouragement is not from God ."

--Ignatius of Loyola

One day, the Devil laid out his gleaming, razor-edged tools upon a worn and ancient wooden table. He announced a “fire” sale and carefully marked the price upon each tool: ANGER: $100, RESENTMENT: $400, HATRED: $600, etc.

Each tool sold almost as quickly as it was placed upon the table. Toward the end of the day, a crooked old man in tattered rags approached. The man eyed the tools that remained, but was taken by a certain tool at the end of the table. The tool resembled the two long and bowed fangs of a viper. Its chrome-like pointy tusks caught the sun and sent flashes of blinding light everywhere. With one hand, the old man blocked his eyes from the glare and with the other, he reached for the tool. As he grabbed hold, the tool’s steely, needle tips nearly pierced his hand. This seemed to please the old man. He snatched up the tool and held it to his chest. With a glint in his eye, the man asked the Devil, “How much for this one?”

“I’m sorry, that tool isn’t for sale,” the Devil replied.

Without hesitation, the man said, “But I’ll pay double.”

The Devil narrowed his eyes and hissed, “Sir, I’ve told you, that tool is not for sale, nor will I ever sell it. It is the most useful tool I own and without it, I wouldn’t be half as effective in my work. With that tool alone, I can accomplish my every task. Now good day, sir.”

Dejected, the man looked once more at the shiny tool, then slowly placed it on the table. With almost a whisper, he said to the Devil, “If I can’t buy it, would you, at least tell me its name?”

A slow and wicked grin grew across the Devil’s face. “Of course, old man, its name is… Discouragement.”

Perplexed, the old man wondered out loud, “Why is this tool so important to you?”

The devil responded, “It’s more useful to me than any of the others. When I can’t bring down my victims with the rest of my tools, I use discouragement, because so few people realize it belongs to me. Nothing paralyzes a person, nothing stops someone in their tracks like discouragement and hopelessness. Discouragement and hopelessness are no respecters of persons. They keep the unemployed unemployed. The homeless homeless. The sick sick. They can even draw the most powerful ministry to its knees. When overcome with discouragement and hopelessness, the person can’t pray, they can’t worship and they become a victim of their environment. Discouragement and hopelessness drains their victims of courage, vision, faith, expectation and the will to make a difference in the world. If I can get you discouraged and hopeless, then I have successfully neutralized you. You are left with only enough energy to feel sorry for yourself.”  

Yes, discouragement is real, especially today.  Let me give you some hope this morning. Consider the Law of Polarity. Simply put, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. There’s hot and cold, positive and negative, destruction and creation, good and evil.  Napoleon Hill puts it this way, “Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit.” If your life is bad now, this universal Law of Polarity tells us that good is coming.  Look back on your own life…hasn’t that happened to you before?

As a person of faith, I can rest in the promise that God is good and good will come out of the bad times. Yes, this has been proven in my life time after time. Dennis and I viewed his cancer in 1995 as tragic and it turned out to be one of our greatest blessings! Although, during that time we certainly couldn’t see much good.  Maybe I’ll share that story another time. God was working in the background during that setback, and God doesn’t change. He’s always conspiring for our good. 

I don’t know what you are going through at this time. If it’s a hard season for you, I am not making light of your adversity at all. In fact, I would be happy to walk with you or pray for you during this time–just reach out to me. Be encouraged, because in the words of Abe Lincoln, “this too shall pass.”  And like Dennis and I with his cancer, you will be stronger for it. 

Hopefully typed,

Jan

Jan McDonald
John Maxwell Team

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"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

--Winston Churchill

My friend Les Brown says “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” We may be worried about what other people will say. And it’s true, we may well be laughed at or criticized by those who  lack our courage. But those who never made a mistake or never failed never tried anything new. And there is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. And it’s obvious where that will lead. 

It doesn’t matter how long it takes us or how slowly we go,
as long as we don’t give up. As long as we don’t stop.


I came across something called Rules for Being Human that apply to all of us at one time or another:

Rule #1: You will learn lessons.
Rule #2: There are no mistakes–only lessons.
Rule #3: A lesson is repeated until it is learned.
Rule #4: If you don’t learn the easy lessons, they get harder.
Rule #5: You’ll know you’ve learned a lesson when your actions change. 

Everyone fails at some time or something. The question is not will we fail or make mistakes, the question is how will we respond to them. The big plus of failure is that every time you fail and learn from it—it grows you up. It makes you better. You grow mentally. You get smarter. You feel better about yourself every time. Failing and making mistakes are not such a big deal. You try bigger things. It turns into an amazing transformative cycle where you begin to believe big about yourself. 

John Maxwell says “If we learn to embrace a new definition of failure, then we are free to start moving ahead–and failing forward.”  That is, if we never give up!

Failing forward, 

Jan McDonald
John Maxwell Team

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"An inheritance is what you leave with people. A legacy is what you leave within them."

--Craig D. Lounsbrough

Last week, I wrote about being in funk and how to funk-defy.  It’s here if you missed it https://jan-mcdonald-llc.mykajabi.com/blog/in-a-funk-here-s-how-to-fight-it.  I am amazed at the roller coaster of emotions that have characterized these last six months. Sometimes it feels like the lift to the top of the ride takes forever. To get my attitude up there takes serious effort, only to crash to the bottom in a flash with yet another disappointment, yet another funk. 

Aren’t we there yet? When is this going to be over?  Right now, I just want to lay down on the floor and throw a massive tantrum. This quarantine is lonely, isolating and I’m weary of Zoom, Go-To-Meeting and Face time. I want to see everyone’s smiles, and I need hugs. I want an NFL game that is not politicized and a baseball game with fans. AND if one more person tells me my age group is at risk, rolling my eyes won’t be the only response that I give. 

Complaining and whining isn’t going to make anything better.  I decided to switch to long range thinking, because this quarantine will not last forever.  Six months is nothing in light of eternity.  That’s temporary, like an inheritance. We’re not going to take anything with us when we pass away. It all stays here. We can leave an inheritance for someone, which will bring temporary happiness. When it’s spent, it’s gone.

Leaders are not consumed with the temporary; leaders need to have a vision that outlives them. An integrous leader lives their lives by their values and those remain the same. Integrity, faith, persistence, family, courage, love and ________________you fill in that blank, can be modeled and left in others to imitate. (Remember, people do what people see.) AND that can be permanently transforming in someone else, like a legacy.  Our lives and deeds can live on in others long after we die. 

A legacy is long lasting and if you’re a person of faith, it can be eternal.  When I started to think in those terms, I could dry my eyes and get up off the floor. 

Soon, hopefully, this quarantine will be over. Life may be different, but our values haven’t changed.  That is a happy thought for me. Yes, we can be on an emotional roller coaster…temporarily. The ride will end and we’ll be stronger for it. Now more than ever, it is critical to live in line with what we value. Clarity in what we value can be a guiding light not only in tough times, but when times are normal.  Living out our values can be the difference between leaving an inheritance or a legacy for those we influence. 

Thinking long term, 

Jan 

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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"There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path, don't allow yourself to become one of them."

--Ralph Marston

If it weren’t for some workshops and classes that I’m preparing for, I might not even know what day it is. “Oh yeah, it’s Blursday,” is what I’ve heard others say. I had a conversation with someone today who found himself in a funk. “I’m not gonna lie, this quarantine has been tough,” he said quietly as his eyes filled with tears. I’m with you, Buddy. 

I know exactly how he felt, because I found myself in a funk about a month ago.  Halfway through the year, and I was nowhere closer to the goals that I set for myself in January.  The  gym was still not open. I’m a hugger and hardly anyone wanted to hug. My Fourth of July trip to visit my kids was cancelled. Yes, I was in a funk.  Actually, that is a nice way of saying that I was feeling sorry for myself.  I didn’t feel like doing anything about it. either. I wanted to wallow. The funk became my own difficult obstacle to a joyful attitude. 

I am going to give you some solutions to survive a funk, but first I want to share with you ways not to shovel yourself in deeper:
 
1. Don’t watch the news for extended periods of time.  Between the riots and the election cycle, I felt helpless to change anything and that made me feel hopeless. Don’t get me wrong, I do keep up with news, but in short spurts and mostly online.

2. Don’t go looking at other people’s Facebook pages. I found myself looking at everyone’s smiling faces, romantic get-aways and the accomplishments of those that are where I would like to be. I compared myself to others and found myself smack in the middle of feelings of lack and envy.


Blend hopeless, helpless, lack and envy together and I was drinking a dark cocktail of funk, WHAAAAAATTTT? What was I doing? This was not normal for me. 


I decided that I not only needed to change my state of being, but it was what I really desired. Period. I might not be able to go on vacation and get away from it all,  but I could change my attitude right where I was.  Here are some things that worked for me:

1. I practiced gratefulness. Truffle and I ventured out into the breezy, cool morning to take a walk.  Most of the time, just watching Truffle makes me smile. I became grateful for the fact that  I am really healthy, as is my family. I love where I live.  I have a loving husband, family and friends. I am grateful to have the opportunity to add value to others through leadership training and coaching.  I consider my faith to be a priceless gift.

Gratefulness kind of permeated my being and opened the door for a bit of joy to enter in. When I got back to the house, I looked at my own personal Facebook page. I decided to compare myself to me–how much I have grown, my accomplishments for this last year and the fact that I am a better version of myself than before. The memories, the pictures and even the small wins made me glad.

2. I read a good book. I read a book about my passions because I knew I could lose myself there for awhile. For me, those passions right now are leadership and communication skills. The impact of honing leadership skills is life-expanding and communicating better is definitely a goal of mine.

3. I ate ice cream–I always serve my ice cream in a little cake cup cone because it takes longer to eat and I can’t fit so much ice cream in one of those. When I get to the very bottom of the cake cone, Truffle can have a bite of that, because dogs can’t have chocolate. Ice cream always makes me feel better.

4. I listened to great music–Listening to music (Motown) has helped tremendously. I have a couple of songs that really drive me, make me feel good, and make me feel like dancing. I’ll listen to those and dance right there in my office. The endorphins (chemicals produced by the brain) from exercise make us feel sooooo good.  You know songs that bring to mind a great time or memory, too. 

Needless to say, I am out of the funk. My circumstances haven’t changed, but I changed my mental environment and made my life more enjoyable. Wayne Dyer quotes, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” That is certainly what happened to me.

I hope this helps you. If you have some other funk-defying methods, I would sure love to hear them. Make it a great week.
 

Gratefully typed, 

Jan 

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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"Whenever you set out to journey the Road Less Traveled--there will always be Border Bullies."

--Bruce Wilkinson

In my Chosen workshop, I teach about those scary Border Bullies. In Bruce Wilkinson’s book, “The Dream Giver”, he urges us to let go of the familiar, the “nay-sayers”, and even our own limiting beliefs, to enter the land of our full potential. The Border Bullies stand at the edge of our comfort zone and try to keep us in there. We often perceive that those Bullies come at us with fangs and claws and have the ability to inflict real damage. 

Stepping outside of our comfort zone is uncomfortable most of the time. This is because our subconscious mind is very loyal and committed to keeping our lives easy. That is why when we attempt something new it may make us anxious, or even nauseous.  It is out of the routine that the subconscious has practiced for us already.

I remember the first time I tried to ride a bike. I didn’t  have the balance or the skill. Very timidly, I hopped on and off. I was too scared to even go a little fast.

I can remember fearfully telling my brother,  “No, don’t push me too fast!! What if I fall?” 

My brother got tired of my whining, told me I would never be able to learn to ride, and left me in the driveway all by myself.

I don’t remember how many tries it took me to teach myself. But I do remember the fear (the Border Bullies) of falling and scraping my hands and knees. I felt the doubt created by my brother’s words.  As I watched the older kids riding their bikes down the street, with the wind blowing through their hair, my desire for that same result overpowered my skinned hands and knees. Wonder of wonders, I found out if I started out faster, it was easier!! I kept trying and my persistence and speed won out!  I did it! 

Now, of course, I can ride a bike anytime I want without fear.  My subconscious has stored bike-riding ability somewhere in the files of my mind.

What do Border Bullies have to do with personal/professional growth? Our thinking needs to change to experience growth to reach our full potential.  I’m sure we all are a bit afraid to fail. Heaven forbid, that we should look stupid. What if I can’t succeed at whatever it is I desire? What are some of the Bullies that may be holding you back? AND how can we defeat them?

This picture is of a Hornet Jet breaking the sound barrier.  For many years,  flight experts knew that cannons and missiles could go faster than the speed of sound. But could man in a jet pass through that invisible barrier?  Every time a pilot got close to the speed of sound, the plane would vibrate and shake and feel like it was going to break apart.  The pilot would dump the fuel, let off the gas and abort the attempt.

Chuck Yeager had a different idea in 1947. He jumped in the jet and as he got close to that Mach speed that he needed, the jet began to viciously rattle and shake.  He looked through the windows and watched the wings chatter. AND HE SHOVED THE THROTTLE FORWARD!!! This acceleration blasted him through the sound barrier!   Check out the link below.

Put the pedal to the metal and keep moving forward. Border Bullies are unable to withstand persistence or speed. Watch for them, though, they’ll come back if you stop growing.

Accelerating with gusto!

Jan McDonald
John Maxwell Team

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"I made the decision to make the absolute best of the quarantine...instead of staying in limbo, I chose to move forward."

--Jan McDonald

When I got done with my temper tantrum because of COVID, I decided to make the best of it. Granted, my tantrum took about two weeks to process because I don’t do well when things are out of my control.  I decided to achieve a goal that I had back-burnered and then to pull out some older classes and refresh myself on the teachings. 

I reached the goal of finishing the biblical teachings for a class on my book, “Fruitful Leadership; Leading By The Fruit of the Spirit.” (If biblical study isn’t for you, scroll down to As A Man Thinketh.) I created a six week class, Chosen, and ran the beta test in June/July.  This class is all about learning that we are chosen by God before the foundation of the universe, and He has a purpose for each one of us. Since our specific purpose always involves relationships, manifesting the fruit of The Spirit makes all of our relationships and our lives better.

I can’t think of better characteristics to model for others than love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness and self-control.

The results? Here is what Ruth said, “I never knew that I had the ability to take every thought captive and you gave me strategies to do that so I can change my results by changing my thinking.”

Here is what Lavonne said, “The Chosen classed transformed me. It touched my heart and soul. The class showed me what God has been trying to show me for years. I was able to see how God really feels about me. God showed me how to get beyond my past mistakes. I am so looking forward to this new path I will be walking with God and the freedom I now feel. Thank you Jan for being Gods messenger to me.”

Cassie learned a lot, too, “I knew the fruits of the spirit, and honestly I thought that I had them down pretty well. But through the course of the study I realized that there was more to each fruit and I had been missing the depth! I had a huge blind spot that was revealed, and in that place the Lord has been able to do some healing through Jan‘s words and advice, and this course. I was sad to finish the study, and I think I could take it many more times and get something new out of it each time!”   

Join us (yes, there are already people registered!) in this next  six-week Chosen Zoom workshop which starts Thursday, August 27th at 1:00 pm. Details are here: 

https://jan-mcdonald-llc.mykajabi.com/chosen

The quarantine pushed me back into one book that helped me change my thinking so I could get sober years ago. AND this last March, some of my thinking needed to be changed. “As A Man Thinketh“ teaches us to be able to successfully direct our thoughts, which drive our actions, which drive our behaviors, which drive our results.

In other words; the way we think drives our LIVES. I know you’re someone that appreciates just how critical this is.

I can’t impress upon you enough how important learning how to THINK differently has been for me. The book, “As A Man Thinketh” has been absolutely essential in my personal and business development (…and don’t even get me started on how often it’s dismissed as a business tool!).  Need some change? This class will help you “take the helm of thought” and move you toward better results in your life. 

Join us in this As A Man Thinketh Zoom workshop which starts Wednesday, August 26th, for six weeks at 6:30 pm. More details are here:

https://jan-mcdonald-llc.mykajabi.com/aamt

That’s what I’ve been up to since I stopped whining. What have you been up to? These are some challenging times. Either of these two classes would be life-changing for you. AND you would be part of a community of people that are uplifting and motivating–totally needed for such a time as this.

Hope to see you in one…or both of these!

Excitedly typed, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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How do you want to be remembered? Do you want your life to make a difference? Or are you content with status quo?

Life has been so different since March, to say the least.  Not much is certain and there are so many unknowns. I’ve had to learn so many new ways to live and do business. I’m sure you are in the same boat, too. There are days that I just don’t want to venture out of my comfort zone one more time. Can’t I just have a week or two of average? If I’m not careful, I can stay there for awhile.

But is that how I want to be remembered?  As average? Do I want to be described as ordinary?   Do I just want to “get through” this trying time, or do I want to thrive?  Do I want to put my purpose of “bringing out the best in you…and then some” on the back burner until the lock-down is over? 
 

OR do I want to continue to grow into my greatness?
The choice is mine. 


Paganini, the great violinist, came out to his audience one day and made the discovery just before they ended their welcoming applause that something was wrong with his violin. He looked at it and saw that it was not his famous and valuable one.

He was paralyzed for a second and told his audience that he somehow picked up the wrong violin. He went back behind the curtain quickly, thinking that his precious violin was right where he left it. He discovered that someone had stolen his and left that second-hand one in it’s place! He stood there for a moment, then came out before his audience and said:

“Ladies and gentlemen: I will show you that the music is not in the instrument, but in the soul.”  Paganini played as he had never played before, giving it more than he thought he could; and out of that second-hand, average instrument came the most amazing music. The audience was thrilled with enthusiasm and the applause almost lifted the ceiling off of the auditorium.  He revealed to the audience that the music was not in the instrument but in the soul of the man that played it.

What music is in our souls that we are not revealing to the outside world? Where are we playing average in our lives?  What if we stepped out onto the stage of life and gave it everything we had? What if we used our talents and gifts to our fullest capabilities and held nothing back? What if we overrode the voices of fear, doubt and procrastination? Not only would the applause be thunderous, but our enthusiasm for life, our music, would spill out onto others in the form of hope. Seeds of courage and expectation might just be planted in others that could shower them with right nutrients and light to let their soul sing, as well. Not only would we expand ourselves, but those we influence. 

There is so much potential in each one of us. As Thomas Edison once said, “If we did all the things we were capable of, we would literally astound ourselves.”  

Can you hear it? Are you able to discern that music deep within that is clawing to get out and show itself to the world? Oh…it’s there. The seeds of greatness are within you. Keep feeding and nourishing that greatness, yes, even during these weird and trying times, and it will grow, because that’s what it’s been created to do.

Feeding my soul,

Jan


Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team
 

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"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present."

--Bill Keane

I was looking through some notes from a prior Maxwell International Certification Event in Orlando. John Maxwell did a teaching from  “Today Matters,”  a book that he wrote some time ago.  I thought I would share some of my notes from this teaching  with you.

So many of us over-exaggerate yesterday, overestimate tomorrow and underestimate today. Wow. Think on that statement for awhile.  We think too much about what we could have or should have done. We worry too much about what might happen, or not, tomorrow.  AND statistically, 99% of the stuff that we worry about never comes to pass.  This kind of thinking can put a damper on our today.

Here’s what John knows about yesterday:

1. Yesterday influences today. We are today where our thoughts have brought us. Our yesterday’s thoughts caused our actions today.  How many times has the same trigger caused us to re-act in the same way we’ve always reacted?  If we always do what we’ve always done, we’re always going to get what we’ve always gotten. 

2. We can learn from yesterday.  Successful people learn from yesterday. Unsuccessful people yearn for yesterday.  Negative things from yesterday can be our best teachers. Don’t count your losses, count your lessons.  We can become aware of what triggers our re-actions and learn to respond differently.

3.  Yesterday ended last night.  We can’t do anything different about what we did yesterday, so we need to let it go.  So many people have row-boat mentality–they move forward while looking backward. Successful people forget about yesterday and keep their eye on the finish line. 

Don’t lose today by replaying yesterday or worrying about tomorrow.  Hopefully, we have learned from yesterday and can move forward.  It’s so awesome that we can start over today if we don’t like our yesterday. Every day is a do-over.  We can chalk our yesterday up to experience–or lack thereof–and enjoy today!  Today,  we can set up the tomorrow that we want.

This teaching gave me some thoughts to ponder. I don’t need to be the person that I was yesterday. I don’t need to re-act in those ways that don’t serve me.  And THAT makes it so I can enjoy today and have a better tomorrow.  What about your yesterday can you let go of so you can enjoy today and set up a better tomorrow?

Making today matter,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team
 

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