Over 200 years ago, a man in civilian clothes rode past a small group of tired and battled weary soldiers. They were digging what appeared to be an important defensive position. The leader of the group wasn’t making any effort to help. He just shouted orders and threatened to punish the group if the work wasn’t completed within the hour.
 
“Why aren’t you helping?” the stranger asked on horseback.
 
“I’m in charge! The men do as I tell them,” said the leader. He added “Help them yourself if you feel so strongly about it.”
 
To the mean leader’s surprise, the stranger got off his horse and helped the men until the job was finished. Before he left, the stranger congratulated the men for their work, and approached the confused leader.
 
“You should notify top command next time your rank prevents you from supporting your men – and I will provide a more permanent solution,” the stranger said.
 
Up close, the now humbled leader recognized General George Washington and was taught a lesson he would never forget!

What does this have to do with Halloween and your costume?  I remember back to when I was a positional leader.  People followed me because they had to. Real leadership is when people gladly follow you because they want to. To create that culture, a leader needs to love their people more than their position. That means adding value to them, and by having a servant’s heart. Let’s put on the cloak of a servant leader with the following “tricks” and get the “treat” of expanding our influence. 

1. Perform small acts. Find ways today to show others that we care. Small acts of kindness can go a long way to show people we care. Start at home–when was the last time we did a meaningful act for our spouse?  Oh geesh–besides laundry, grocery shopping and cooking, I can’t remember…that’s not a good thing. 

2. Learn to walk slowly through the crowd. The next time we are at an event or meeting with employees, clients or acquaintances, make it a priority to cruise the room to connect with the people in the room. Circulate and chat. Find out how their day is going. Make it our agenda to focus on them. Learn their names.  Not only is that adding value to them, but it helps us get out of our comfort zone, too. 

3. Take action. I am task oriented and I had to learn to invest in relationships. When I realized that serving others expanded my influence because I was adding value, I had to get out there and start serving…no matter how I felt.  What I found is that those I served were blessed. AND wonder of wonders, I was impacted in a positive way because I served. This is just one of the “treats” that we get from having a servant heart. 

Other treats received by servant leadership; increased happiness and efficiency of our teams, enabling higher performance. It’s very motivating to see the boss roll up their sleeves and do the hard work with the team.  Modeling this behavior trickles down into our workplace, home or community culture and multiplies that behavior.  People do what people see.  

The best treat of all, in my opinion, is that people’s lives are enhanced and relationships are strengthened.

I am sure you can think of other “treats” resulting from serving others. I’d love to hear back from you!

Happy Halloween!


Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team 

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Eighty-three percent of workers are experiencing symptoms of burnout. Nearly 1 in 4 employees experienced the more severe signs, including reduced professional efficacy and cynicism towards coworkers and their jobs. This is what I found when researching the biggest challenges that leaders and managers face in 2021. I wasn’t surprised. 

Too much stress can lead to burnout. Our world has turned upside-down in these last 18 months. Many of the ways we operated pre-Covid have changed and there are still many unknowns. 

If we lead or manage people, we spend all day serving others. Many business owners have been agonizing over ways to keep their businesses running and profitable, as well.  This doesn’t include the children that need nurture and the families that need us. 

My question to you is–when do you care for you?  What is your self-care strategy?  When do you refuel and pour back into you?

How can we give others our best selves when our best selves have already been given out? 
 

You can’t give what you don’t have. 

We all remember what the airline stewardess tells us to do in case of emergency. If the oxygen masks come down, we need to put the mask on ourselves first.

We need to fill our energy tanks first. Operating from an energy deficiency isn’t healthy and may lead to anxiety, depression, hopelessness and fatigue. 

How can we refuel and refresh ourselves? Here are some ideas for self-care:

• Take a walk–just get out into nature.
• Take a bubble bath (yes, guys can do this, too.)
• Talk with a friend.
• Go to the gym (if you enjoy that.)
• What brings you joy? Do that.
• Practice gratitude.

I am sure that you can think of other ways that would reinvigorate and fortify you. Personally, I have quiet time every morning and hiking Badger is another “go-to” refresher.   

Right now. Stop. Close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths. Relax and think of things/people for whom you are grateful.  Stay there for a couple minutes. Doesn’t that feel good? 

Now  grab your calendar and start scheduling time to pour back into you. Start small–maybe with 5 minutes. Work up to whatever it takes to refuel and give power back to your best self. You deserve it.

Still learning this,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team 

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The first time I quit drinking was when my ex-husband and I split up. It was his fault, after all (yeah, right.) I totally quit cold turkey and began a fitness craze with a vengeance.  I worked really hard on my outside, because I didn’t want anyone to know how messed up I was on the inside. I taught aerobics and became a personal trainer. Oh, did I receive the accolades, “Wow, you look so good.”  “If I could only have a body like yours.”  “Train me, so I can be as fit as you.”  It felt so good to hear all those nice things. I certainly wasn’t feeling very good about myself on the inside. 

Even though I was hearing those compliments from my outer story, my inner story (and it was of the horror genre) kept pointing to my lack of integrity.  Integrity is more than following a moral code.  The definition of integrity is “the quality or the state of being complete; unbroken conditions; wholeness; entirety.”  It’s the opposite of being divided.

My outer story  was cheering me on. My inner story was desperately crying out for help. 

I was finding my identity in my outer story; what I looked like, what I had accomplished and the approval of others. I kept telling myself the same stories, that I was okay, that I didn’t need anyone else, and I really was as awesome as everyone said.  Since I hadn’t rewritten my inner story,  I went back to drinking on and off for a couple of years. I couldn’t do any different. You know what’s funny?  I didn’t have a clue that there was an inner and outer difference in my stories.    

At some point, and it’s all kinda fuzzy back in those days, I just couldn’t do it anymore. The turmoil between the outer story and the inner story became too much to handle.  I got help. 

You know what I found out…and am still finding out?  When I rewrite the inner story, the outer story changes. As I continue to edit and rewrite, a process that has actually become a great adventure, I become more and more the person I desire to be.  What I am on the inside and on the outside become more and more alike.  The inner whirlwind slows to a refreshing breeze. 

When I chose and envisioned the “happily ever after” in my inner story, the outer story began to transform into the best me and the best life I desired!  Imagine…imagine entering into 2021, with a newly revised story, a story that belongs to your best you. I get excited just thinking about it!  

What stories are you telling yourself? Is there a place in your life where you are struggling or just feel stuck? Envision your “happily ever after.” Who do you desire to be? Then go ahead and rewrite…because you can…it IS YOUR story.

Still revising,


Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team 

 

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I love this time of year! It’s still warm and sunny, but usually not above eighty degrees. The nights and mornings are crisp.  We even had some rain! The leaves are beginning to turn into brilliant colors. The sunrises on Badger have been stunning.  AND it’s pumpkin spice latte time! 

My yard is loving this weather, too. The extreme heat this year really fried some of my bushes. I’m hoping that this winter, they’ll get a reboot, and come back healthy.  I can’t imagine what the farmers went through this year. The high temperatures stunted the growth of many crops. I read that the wheat and the potatoes really suffered this year. The heat caused issues for cherry farmers, too, such as sunburn and stunted growth. That made the cherries unsuitable for the fresh cherry market so many of them were picked for processing. 

I wouldn’t want to be a farmer. There’s just too much insecurity and risk for me. I am impatient, too. It would be tough for me to wait for the perfect time to harvest.  But, wait a minute…isn’t every calling and vocation somewhat like being a farmer? 

No matter what we do with our lives, there’s always sowing before a harvest. A salesman plants seeds for those who want their product; a non-profit plants a vision; a construction worker lays foundations on which to build; leaders plant seeds to grow their followers. It’s our responsibility to sow good seeds so we can reap a harvest.  We have to plant seeds of love and care into our relationships to reap close relationships.

Sometimes the weather is kind. Sometimes there are storms, extreme heat, high winds and even crop failure. Businesses may fail, success may come too slowly, and relationships may disintegrate. Quite risky…like farming…with many events that are out of our control.  My friend and mentor, Paul Martinelli, says, “Harvest the good from your mistakes and fractured relationships and move on.”  We can learn our lessons, hopefully, and always replant better seeds. Then we need to be patient and not give up. With care, water and nourishment, there will be another harvest. 

Enjoying my harvest,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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Last week I wrote about Dennis’s and my encounter with Covid and the awareness that we developed from going through that together. There’s one more message that I would like to share with you.

Even though both of us were thinking positively, and our symptoms weren’t that harsh, there were so many unknowns. AND there was one unasked question quietly lurking in the back of our minds, “Will we make it through this?”  

It was like the time we found out that Dennis had cancer.  The socks that didn’t make it to the hamper, the dishes left in the sink, or the things that irritated us about each other, didn’t seem to matter anymore.  We were reminded of how much we meant to each other…again.

As the symptoms subsided, Dennis found this post on Facebook and, with emotion in his voice, read it to me: 

A good friend of mine unexpectedly lost her husband. A couple of months later we were running together, chatting about nothing. She asked what my dinner plans were and I told her hubby wanted chili, but I didn’t feel like stopping at the store. We ran a few more minutes when she quietly said, “Make the chili.”

It took me a few minutes to realize that we were no longer talking about dinner. It was about going out of your way to do something for someone you love because at any moment, they could unexpectedly be taken from you. 

So today I’m sharing with you that wisdom handed to me by my dear friend, that I’ve thought of many times since that day. Next time someone you love wants you to go for a walk or watch a football game or play a board game, or just put down your phone and give them your undivided attention, just do it. Make the chili.

Love deeply and selfishly. 

Who needs to know how much you love and appreciate them? Tell them today.

I appreciate you!

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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My Facebook memories have been about the move from Grandview to Tri-Cities that we made September 3, 2019. I’m still amazed at all the stuff we had accumulated in the nineteen years that we lived in Grandview. Even though we only lived in the Sherilyn Ct. house for 15 years, I say nineteen, because I don’t think we ever unpacked all the stuff we had when we moved to Grandview in 2000. 

I can’t remember how many big garbage bags of stuff I took to Goodwill in the move to Tri-Cities;  two boxes of books, 25 musical cds, miscellaneous nicknacks, some guitar shaped sunglasses (Lord knows where those came from,) six big bags of clothes and shoes…mine. The shoes were high-heeled shoes that I loved, but couldn’t wear anymore because wearing them was painful. They had been in my closet for years.

Packing and purging brought some great memories. I’m not gonna lie, it was emotional at times. I found a sweater that Mom wore. It was old…still had the shoulder pads…and was all balled up. I held it up close to my face, tried to put it in the Goodwill bag and then the good-memory tears fell. Nope, could not let go of that. All of the refrigerator art the kids made went with us, too.  Dennis kept a sweater that his mom made for him 50 years ago, even though he never wore it. 

It was fascinating to see what went with us and what got left at Goodwill. It’s kinda like our belief systems. Those memories and beliefs that hold us back need to go. Those negative beliefs can still write the script for our lives if we aren’t careful. “I can’t do this because I’m too old, too young, too fat, too skinny, I failed there before, I have no clue how I could, I don’t have enough money or” geesh, you fill in the blank.

Instead of “I can’t, because,” how about you BE the CAUSE that overcomes those limiting beliefs and designs your own life? How about you BE CAUSATIVE and pack those defeatist attitudes up in a big black garbage bag and haul them out to the curb for the trash man. Go back, rewrite those gloomy memories so they serve you. Learn from them because you’re not that person any more. You probably would do it differently and better as the person you are now.  You bet I would be a sober and better parent if I understood then what I do now. 

If the memory or event is a secret something that someone has done to you that has had a terrible impact, find a trusted friend or coach and tell them about it. Shame and/or guilt loves to be kept secret, and they both are dispelled when brought out into the open.  I’ve experienced tremendous emotional freedom handling my past this way.

Remember, where our focus goes, there our energy flows. When we think about our past, let’s direct the most energy on our great achievements and warm memories. But most of all, let’s center our attention on our goals,  dreams and those desires that might be in our future.  That’s the kind of emotional energy that propels us forward,

Being causative,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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Can you believe it’s almost September? What happened to this year? It’s the last quarter of 2021 and how are we doing with our goal achievement? I’ve been reflecting on the progress that I’m making toward my goals. I’m closer to achieving them, but it’s about those competing commitments.  I’m not talking about things that cause setbacks that I can’t control.  Let me explain. 

There’s reasons why we don’t get our goals accomplished or make the progress we want. What normally happens is we define these things as reasons, the truth is they’re excuses. (Ouch!) Excuses are competing commitments. Let me give you an example.

I  looked back on my year and made excuses that I was really busy, or I needed to spend time with my husband, or I didn’t know how to move forward….blah, blah, blah. When I really thought about it–all of those things were excuses–or competing commitments. 

Maybe we really want or need to lose some weight, but tomorrow our friend is having a backyard barbeque. We can’t start until after that, so we’re going to eat ice cream tonight. Besides, think of all the great food we would  miss tomorrow.  Those outside excuses compete with our inner desired commitments. Some of those excuses are just head trash. We choose to let outside circumstances and conditions derail us. 
 

Choice happens in our minds. 

For sure, there will always be competing commitments. Some of them will be the same excuses we’ve had in the past.  At least that’s what I found in my reflection time.  Some of the things that are going to stop us from progressing toward our goals are predictable.  We know in advance that  there’s going to be more pot lucks and barbeques. We know in advance that we’re going to have days that are extremely busy.  Our car battery may die. Then, of course, there’s football. Yes, I’m finishing  email this during half-time. 

I know that it’s easy for me to tell myself that I can do anything tomorrow if I am not up against a deadline. Most of the time, I’m pretty focused, but honestly, I can choose more fun things to do than work sometimes. 

 What are we going to do when these competing commitments arise?

We can’t make the decision to lose weight at the barbeque standing in front of the table of brownies, potato salad and chips. We can’t make the decision to go to the gym at 5:00 in the morning when it’s cold and raining. Let’s decide in advance what we’re going to do when competing commitments arise. 

When we begin to be driven by inner commitments and desires, rather than by outside circumstances and conditions, life will change. We’ll progress forward toward the goals to which we have committed.  We have to remove the head trash; those defeating thoughts that keep us from our desired lives.  We have to come up with a “move forward at any cost” contingency plan when we’re faced with a circumstance that competes with our desires and goals.

One of my contingency plans that came out of my reflection time is to focus on my desired life rather than instant gratification. I kick my head trash to the curb and picture in my mind who I will become or what I will achieve by doing the thing that is my inner commitment. It’s a great plan that works for me. Yes, it takes mental discipline, but that’s a topic for another email. 

How are you going to win when an competing commitment threatens to derail your goals? 

Winning (okay, most of the time,)

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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On my way to hike Badger Mountain the other day, I heard the song by Elevation Worship, “Dry Bones Rattle.”  As I walked to the top, I couldn’t help but ponder over the words. This email was a Facebook post, but I’ve been thinking about this all week. I don’t write many emails that are Christian-faith themed, but this is one….

The words in quotations are from the song: 

“Friday’s disappointment was Sunday’s empty tomb, since when has impossible ever stopped You?”

Could life ever get crazier? There are so many events that could steal our joy…if we let it. So many distractions and unknowns on which we can focus. So many things out of our control. 

If I focus on the negative, that’s not only what grows in my life, but it’s what I attract. AND if my thoughts are gloomy, I want to isolate, too. I don’t want to be around anyone else. Really, who would want to be with me when I was feeling like dry bones? Haven’t we all been in an isolated desert enough these last months? 

The song comes from this Bible story: The Lord and the prophet Ezekiel were sitting in the middle of a desert valley full of a great many dry bones. (Ezekiel 37 You gotta read the story!)

The Lord says, “Hey, Zeke (okay not his exact words), can these bones live?”

Zeke replies, “O Lord, you alone know.”

As I hiked, I thought to myself, “where in my life am I like dry bones? What part of my life has been parched and bleached like dry bones in the desert?” I’m like dry bones when I focus on things that are not mine to control…when I give power in my mind to things and people that I am powerless over. Ouch. When I focus on the negative I am like dry bones in the desert. 

The Lord told Ezekiel how to make the dry bones come to life by speaking life into them…and the rattle began…dry bones began to come to life…again. 

Back to the song: “Praise makes the dead man walk again.” Beholding the beauty of Badger Mountain and the valley below caused gratefulness to well up inside me. It felt like rain in my desert. I have so many blessings in my life!  Praising and thanking God for these blessings always lifts me up. 

 “Open the grave, I’m comin’ out! I’m going to live again.”

What about you? Do you have some dry bone places in your life? Is your past holding you hostage? Is your prayer life off? Do you feel inadequate, lacking The Power? Do unknowns cause tornado stomach? (Oh wait…that was me.) Do you feel like you’re in a tomb of negative thinking? 

“You’re not gonna run out of miracles anytime soon.” 

God’s not running out of miracles. We need to expect His miracles. Look for them. What is your needed miracle? What would your life look like if you got that miracle? Create that vision in your mind and think on that. Think on the positive and praise God for what you do have. “Praise makes the dead man walk again.”

Do you hear it? Open the grave and come on out. Dry bones rattling and coming to life. LIVE again! Really LIVE again! You have The Power within you! “Resurrection Power runs in my veins, too. I believe there’s another miracle in this room.”  If you want to hear the song “Rattle”, click here:

https://youtu.be/4rzhPg9697k  

Hopefully typed,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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I’ve been reading (very slowly this time) through a book by Wayne Dyer, “The Power Of Intention.” I’ve been writing about peace and leadership and how that is supposed to look, so I don’t think it’s any coincidence that I “stumbled” on this chapter about living a stress-free life. 

Wayne Dyer says that we were created to live fully alive and on purpose in a state of peace and joy. I happen to agree with him. Many of you know that I believe in God and He isn’t anything like I thought He was. Until I got to know Him, I thought he was this big guy who lived in heaven and really needed some anger management classes. He is nothing like that at all. If you don’t believe in God, just ignore this part, but He sent Jesus so that we could live life abundantly.  We can have abundant joy, peace, blessings and happiness. 

God is love, so everything that He does with us stems out of His love for us. He wants us to love Him back out of our own volition. We are not robots, He has given us choice.  He has given us the power to choose our thoughts.  That is why I thought this chapter was so powerful. 
 

Whether you believe in God or not, you have the
power to choose your thoughts.

Back to Wayne Dyer’s book.  In this chapter, he writes, “There’s no actual stress or anxiety in the world, it’s your thoughts that create these false beliefs. There are only people engaged in stressful thinking.” Read that sentence again and ponder it. 

You may be wondering about all the bad that is transpiring in the world, like murder, rape, abuse and Coronavirus.  What about that?  I don’t want to negate the awfulness of some things that have happened or can happen to us. BUT, let’s talk about our everyday normal life. 

Think about the things that make you anxious. Stop and think about them. 

I’ll give you a personal example. Up until recently, when I had a workshop or speaking engagement in my calendar, I couldn’t sleep well for a couple nights prior.  It didn’t matter how much I prepared or how well I thought the presentation was written, sleep eluded me. What the heck? What was this all about?  

I reflected on it and came to the insight that it was about ego. I wanted to look good. I was afraid of failing. What if I do something stupid?  What if they don’t have fun? What if they don’t think the time spent with me was  worth it? What if…what if…okay, what if? If I have done my best, I have no control over their response. Although, I really like to think I do:)  If I do something stupid, I can laugh with them. It won’t be the first time. I found that it was all about me. And THAT is hilarious, because I am not presenting for me, I am there to serve them and to add value to THEIR life. Geesh. 

Our natural state is tranquility and peace, but when we try to control those things that we have no control over, or think stressful thoughts, that’s what causes the anxiety. 

The cure? Consider Rule #6. 

“Two prime ministers are sitting in a room discussing affairs of state. Suddenly a man bursts in, apoplectic with fury, shouting and stamping and banging his fist on the desk. The resident prime minister admonishes him: “Peter,” he says, “kindly remember Rule Number 6,” whereupon Peter is instantly restored to complete calm, apologizes, and withdraws. The politicians return to their conversation, only to be interrupted yet again twenty minutes later by a hysterical woman gesticulating wildly, her hair flying. Again the intruder is greeted with the words: “Marie, please remember Rule Number 6.” Complete calm descends once more, and she too withdraws with a bow and an apology. When the scene is repeated for the third time, the visiting prime minister addresses his colleague: “My dear friend, I’ve seen many things in my life, but never anything as remarkable as this. Would you be willing to share with me the secret of Rule Number 6?”

“Very simple,” replies the resident prime minister. “Rule Number 6 is ‘Don’t take yourself so g—damn seriously.”

“Ah,” says his visitor, “that is a fine rule.” After a moment of pondering, he inquires, “And what, may I ask, are the other rules?”

“There aren’t any.”  (This is from a book called “The Art of Possibility,” by The Zanders)

When you feel anxious or stressed this week, consider your thoughts.  How are you thinking about the issue that is stressing you?  Is it in your control?  Is there a different way you think about it?   

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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Most of us know exactly what we should be doing with our time, and our lives. Despite that, sometimes we just don’t do it.  Why is that?

When we think of what prevents people from doing what they know, we have to look at their learning models, as humans. We all operate through learned models. Some operate through learning models of achievement and some operate through learning models of failure. Either way, they are learning models. There’s 3 components to a learning model;

1. Awareness

2. Belief

3. Understanding and applying the principles and skillsets

We see this all the time in students when they prepare for the SAT test. They take the classes, learn the skills and then blow the test. We say they are bad test takers, when in actuality, they have reached their own level of belief. They aren’t sure they can perform well on the test.

We never outperform our belief level. Until our belief level about who we are and what we can do changes, we can be skilled as all get out, but we don’t export that skill.

The third part of this is understanding and applying the skillsets. Most people don’t perform their past behavior because they never get past their level of belief.  At some point in the six-year-old’s life, the desire to ride overcomes every fear, doubt and worry he has about riding. He watches the others and pictures himself there with them.  Someone shows up to show him, to teach him balance and encourage him.  The child doesn’t even care if he is ridiculed for falling because his vision of himself riding a bike has expanded beyond his fear of failure.  When he falls, he gets back up and continually tries. Eventually, he succeeds!!

This is exactly how we turn learning models of failure into learning models of success. Once we become aware of a new desire to be, do or have more,  we explore our beliefs. Yes, we may not be experienced in this new desire. It might be true that we don’t  have a clue on how to achieve this new desire or goal.

I don’t know who said this, but I believe it, because I have lived it.
 

“If the dream is big enough, the facts don’t count.”

To change my learning model, my experience has been to build an image within my mind that’s an entirely new image. Then I begin living the new image I want  AS IF I already am the new image that I want to express.  It’s interesting how people, opportunities and ideas show up to help me understand and apply the principles in the new model that I envision. With practice, time and belief, I can build this new image on the outside. It’s just like learning to ride a bike!

I hope this makes sense. In the fall, be on the lookout for an opportunity to discover learning models of success in your life. My desire is help those individuals who feel stuck with learning models and belief systems that aren’t serving them.  There will be more details to come in the next couple of emails.

In the meantime, explore some of your learning models. Why do you not do what you know you should do?  If you have questions, shoot me an email. Don’t beat yourself up, just become aware of where you want change.  Think about who you want to become, what you want to do or have and know that it’s possible.

Dreaming bigger,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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I just got back from a difficult, birthday hike on Badger Mountain. I experienced an incredible amount of gratefulness as I reflected on my life. I’m healthy and fit; I love my calling as a coach/trainer/consultant; I live in a gorgeous area; I get to live in America; I have an amazing family–the list could go on.

I remembered my most amazing fitness feat before I decided to get healthy was getting from the couch to the refrigerator to get wine, beer, tequila….

Before I quit drinking and drugging–I had every excuse; “I don’t have a problem.” “I’m too young to quit.” “I don’t think I can or want to.” “How will I be able to have any fun?” “I’m afraid, because I’ve tried so many times and failed.”

I was getting ready to get ready to live my life in a totally different way.

Many people get ready to get ready. Maybe you would like to learn to play the piano. You research teachers in your area and maybe even call around for schedules but then you stop short of setting up your first session. Why is this? Why is it so hard to get started? It’s very simple. Fear.

Fear is a debilitating emotion that can keep you from reaching your full potential. We all have fears and many of us have learned that until we conquer our fears, we are stuck. We can’t start that project or that goal or achieve that which we so desire.

How do we start when we are scared stiff? Instead of working on the fear, let’s try a different approach and let’s look at the end result. Using the piano example, maybe this has been a dream all your life to learn but you never had the chance; circumstances got in the way. And now you have the time and you have the means to get the lessons but you are afraid. What if you stink at it? What if you are too old to learn? What if you can’t master the keys and the chords? So what! So what! You will never know unless you try. And try more than once, because failing is part of succeeding.

I failed many times at recovery. It took me years to get ready. When I finally embraced and fearfully stepped into my vision of clean, sober and healthy Jan, I was able to move in the direction of that vision–one day at a time.

Think about your vision, your dream of playing that concerto piece you love so much. Or playing that Billy Joel song. Whatever your vision is of learning to play the piano – that is what you need to focus on every day. Every time you get scared, every time you doubt yourself, see yourself at your first recital playing a piece you practiced for hours and hours, day after day and now you are ready to play for a group. Imagine yourself experiencing the enjoyment of reading the music sheet and then turning the notes into actual music – pouring out of the piano – imagine how that would feel.

Now is the time to start. No more excuses.

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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I finally found my 2018 journal. I’d been searching for a couple of months. When I pulled out all of my supplies to facilitate an in-person workshop…there it was! As I was reading through it, I realized I’d spent alot of time trying to control events, people and things in my life that weren’t mine to control. When we long for things to be the way we want them to be, rather than the way they are, that’s resistance.  Hmmm…control=resistance. 

The Universal Law of Resistance says that what we resist continues to appear in our experience until we learn to release what created the resistance in the first place.  It’s like we get to keep taking the test until we get it right. 

Whenever we experience discontent, unhappiness, or bad attitude, there is something we are resisting.  It’s not the experience that itself that causes pain, it’s the resistance. You may want to read that last sentence twice.

This “pain” is because we label our emotions as good or bad. They are not either, until our mind says so. Emotions are just energy in motion. All feelings come and go, so why pay so much attention to whatever shows up in any particular moment? If you think I’ve gone off the deep end here…remember the last time you had a fight with your hubby, you overdrew your checking account, you had a crucial conversation that went bad, or some other crisis…and then you had to go to work? You pulled yourself up out of your fetal position, changed your attitude and went to work, didn’t you?  AND as a leader, nobody had a clue what you had been through.

When you got home from work that night, the earlier crisis didn’t seem so bad after all. E-Motion. Energy in motion. Those tough feelings came and went. The situation may not have been resolved, but the feelings were not as intense. We weren’t giving those emotions energy because we were working.

How do we deal with resistance? First we need to become aware of what it is that we are resisting. Then we need to let it be. Don’t try to fix or change it, just become aware of our inner chatter about it.  What are we saying inside?  What is the feeling and why? Don’t fight it and don’t stuff it either. Acknowledge it, surrender it and say “yes” to the experience/feeling. Be grateful for your awareness.

Yes, easier said than done and it takes practice. My experience has been that this works, because where my focus goes there my energy flows. If I am busily focusing on the negative, it calls more negative into my life. If I let go and surrender what I’m resisting, the tension drains out of my neck and those negative e-motions float away. 

It’s good to know that growth is a process…well, I’m happy with that fact most of the time…because there are still places in my life where I’m still taking that test. I’ve grown, though, because more times than not, I am able to open my grasping, little hands and let go of what is not mine to control. 

Accepting…mostly, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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Are Dennis and I the only couple that speaks, okay, yells at each other from different parts of our home? Do we take the time and the interest to actually want to know the answer to this question when we see  someone in the grocery store, “How are you doing?”  When was the last time you were misunderstood?  Or when has someone told you something and you didn’t hear?  When was the last time you asked a question and when the other person answered, they were looking at their cell phone the whole time? 

I don’t remember where I read this, but in one of John Maxwell’s books, he says that the best gift we can give, the best way we can add value to another, is to listen to them.  When was the last time someone actually listened to hear what you were saying…they weren’t thinking about how they were going to reply?  Did they seem really interested in what you were saying?  Ouch.  I have to confess that when I am in the middle of a task, my listening skills can fly right out the window. Oh yeah, how about those times in a conversation where I just know that I’m right and then have to prove it.  Or I perceive that someone is taking way too long to finish their thought and I interrupt and finish it for them. OOOOOKAAAAYYY.  

Let’s look at some ways that we can add value to others by giving them the gift of listening.  

1. First, put down our cell phones, close our computers, turn off the television and shut the iPad. Give the other person the gift of our full attention. When I am in the middle of something, I have learned that I need to ask the person if they can wait a moment until I finish what I’m doing. If I don’t, I will still be thinking about my task and won’t be focused on what they are saying.

2. Maintain eye contact–that prevents us drifting out of the conversation.  

3. Refrain from judging. Judging prevents clarity in hearing their thoughts and we expend our energy forming an opinion rather than really hearing. Slipping into judger mode or becoming defensive causes the fight or flight response in our body.  You know what that does…all the blood drains out of our brains into our extremities so we can flee the situation or put up our dukes.  How good is our listening or even our thinking when that happens?

4. After the other person has spoken, repeat back to them in the form of a rephrase. These recapping statements are tentatively spoken. We can start with, “I heard you say,” or “Did I hear this right?” Then rephrase or recap what you heard.  This gives them the opportunity to elaborate in the case that we heard incorrectly, or they weren’t clear in their sharing. 

5. Be curious. Listen for the words behind the words. Seek to understand the full meaning of what they’re saying, and by all means, don’t interrupt or finish their sentences. 

When someone listens to me with their full attention, I feel appreciated, cared for and valued. I think I may have written this for me, but I hope you’re getting  some value, as well.  Big smiley face here.  You always know where I’m struggling from these emails…or what I’m teaching on the next week:)  Challenge yourself this week to listen like this…give the gift of your full attention. 

I bet you have other suggestions to add to my list.  Please email me if you do!  

I’m listening, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team 

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The 4th of July sounded like a war zone here because there were so many fireworks exploding. I saw a facebook post that said, “Fireworks on sale; Buy One Get 56,000.” It sure sounded like that. 

Normally, on July 4th and New Year’s Eve, my dog, Truffle, paces the house looking for a safe space, trembling at the sound of fireworks. It’s awful to watch because I am powerless to alleviate her fears (and you know how I feel about being powerless.) My best friend was staying with us on the fourth and suggested I turn on the fan in the bathroom so Truffle couldn’t hear the noise. Truffle was already cowering in the bathroom, so I gave her a peanut butter CBD treat, wrapped her in her thundercoat, grabbed a small fan from my office because that fan wasn’t as loud. Then we hunkered down for the evening. 

The fan, the CBD, the thundercoat and me hanging out with her worked. After a while, she fell asleep.  I left her at midnight to go to bed because the fireworks subsided. She came out with her tail wagging, saw me in bed, and then headed back to her safe space to sleep the night away. 

Truffle is 9 years old. All of these years, suffering through fireworks and never experiencing harm, you would think she wouldn’t feel afraid.  It’s interesting, though–I think I’m a bit like Truffle sometimes. 

How many times have I been anxious about something that never happened? How many times have I been hunkered down on the bathroom floor rather than make a phone call to a prospect?  How many times have I not had (what I assumed was) a crucial conversation because I feared the outcome–it wasn’t a tough conversation after all?  And I have procrastinated a project because I didn’t know how to do it and feared I would do it incorrectly. Or is it just me that likes a safe space? 

In Hawaii last year, our resort had this long, corkscrew tube slide into one of the swimming pools.  “Mom, we have to do that!” my daughter said excitedly.  Are you kidding? It would be dark, I couldn’t see where I was going or where it would spit me out. That powerless thing again. Crap…I couldn’t let Julie know I was afraid. Fine. I dreaded every moment of the stair climb to the top. The guy sitting at the top said, “I’m here to make sure you go down feet first.” OMGeeee, people want to go down head first? I just laughed. 

IT WAS A BLAST! I can’t count the number of times that we enjoyed that slide!  
 
I know these sound like minor things, but fear can be paralyzing and prevent us from achieving our goals and dreams. I have coached individuals who didn’t set goals because they were afraid of not attaining them.  Fear of success can cause us to sabotage the very achievements that we have so hoped to earn.  What does fear cost us?  It’s a great question, isn’t it?

My experience in overcoming fear is to take action…one baby step at a time.  Eleanor Roosevelt says it best, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’  You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”  That action makes the next scary thing easier to do. 

Facing my fears, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

 
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A couple of nights ago I was reading the chapter on Persistence again in “Think and Grow Rich,” by Napolean Hill. I was reminded of mile 10 in the Big Sur marathon. It’s a 5% grade uphill to Hurricane point. Having driven the course the night before, I knew that hill was more than a mile long.  It looks really steep at the bottom, believe me. I took a deep breath, focused on the road directly in front of me and just ground it out to the top. That success gave me the impetus to finish strong. I knew if I could run up that–I could run anything.

Sometimes leadership feels like that doesn’t it?  Whether you’re the CEO of a large corporation or non-profit or the parent of a family, sometimes we just have to put our head down and face what’s directly in front of us…one step at a time…until we reach our goal. 

Persistence is a driving trait of a strong leader.  It is the ability to continue to move forward toward our goals in spite of tremendous obstacles or set backs. Persistence helps us confront complications and yet still keep our perspective.

When we face obstacles, challenges or even failure, persistence is the ability to face them with the determination and tenacity to find a solution. As leaders, we are the ones who set the tone for those we lead.  Isn’t this the behavior that we want to see in those we lead?  If we are raising up other leaders, we want them to learn to persist until they solve the problem.  Our persistence establishes a set of expectations for our teams.  They learn to expect to solve problems on their own and they develop a “can do” attitude because of that expectation.

We are programmed to give up or take the easier route. But grinding out the best solution builds character and helps grow into our full potential.  Persevering develops our talent and self-esteem for the next challenge that we face. It makes us stronger, hence it makes those we lead stronger.

Life may be easy…but that’s only if we are living inside of our comfort zone.

Who wants to stay there? It’s not very fun or exciting. Leaders live on the edge. Leaders push the envelope …most of the time. Yes, there are times, when I want the couch and my blankie–but those times don’t last long anymore. Practicing persistence can become a habit, because of the positive effects it has on us and other in our lives.

Persistence gives us the ability to remain consistent even in the face of challenges and difficulties. Consistency provides stability to those who follow because they know what they can expect from the leader and they know what is expected from them.

The last thought on persistence; Those who develop the habit of persistence  seem to enjoy insurance against failure.  No matter how many times we may be defeated, persistence enables us to get up and give it another go.  No matter how smart, educated or talented we are, a goal or vision of any great stature will not be achieved without persistence. Nothing takes the place of persistence.

Have you developed the habit of persistence? Are you modeling that for those you lead?

Persisting,

Jan

 Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team
 

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