Your Path to Breakthroughs: Insights from Jan McDonald
From hopeless drunk to 30 years sober and helping hundreds of individuals and organizations unlock their ‘and then some’, I distill all the lessons gained from those transformational life experiences and share them with you in this space.
I invite you to explore these insights as way to help you breakthrough the challenges that are stopping you from becoming who you want to be.
"Tomorrow is never promised, so love and appreciate the people who are in your life."
--Me
Dennis and I just came back from a wonderful, refreshing vacation at the Oregon Coast. It was the first vacation that we took in over a year. We didn’t have cell service much of the time and that turned out to be a blessing.
When we did get our service back, we heard about the assassination of Charlie Kirk. Dennis and I didn’t have words. How does that happen in the United States of America? It’s heartbreaking.
Sometimes news hits us hard — someone we know, someone we follow, or someone in our community is suddenly gone. In those moments, I’m reminded that life is short and precious, and it changes how I love the people closest to me. Holding that truth close helps me love more intentionally, listen better, and treasure the people in my life in deeper ways.
We never know which day will be ordinary — until it isn’t. This reminded me of a story that I told first in 2021. I think it bears repeating again.
Dennis found this story on Facebook when we were fighting Covid together:
A good friend of mine unexpectedly lost her husband. A couple of months later we were running together, chatting about nothing. She asked what my dinner plans were and I told her hubby wanted chili, but I didn’t feel like stopping at the store. We ran a few more minutes when she quietly said, “Make the chili.”
It took me a few minutes to realize that we were no longer talking about dinner. It was about going out of your way to do something for someone you love because at any moment, they could unexpectedly be taken from you.
So today I’m sharing with you that wisdom handed to me by my dear friend, that I’ve thought of many times since that day. Next time someone you love wants you to go for a walk or watch a football game or play a board game, or just put down your phone and give them your undivided attention, just do it. Make the chili.
Love deeply and unselfishly.
Who needs to know how much you love and appreciate them? Tell them today.
Life is filled with both good and bad moments. Some of it we can control, and some of it we can’t. But here’s the game-changer: the way we think about those moments makes all the difference.
Life happens for you. The Latin word for “for” means in favor of. Imagine if you believed life happens in favor of you. With that mindset, the good gets better—and even the challenges will seem better. With a negative mindset, the bad will be worse. The good will not seem so good because we will be able to find a flaw in it.
There’s always a solution. Ever since Jack was a kid, he was afraid someone was hiding under his bed at night. Finally, he went to see a shrink, Dr. Ken, and said, “Every time I go to bed, I’m convinced someone’s under there. I’m scared, and I think I’m going crazy.” Dr. Ken told him, “Put yourself in my hands for a year. Come see me three times a week and we’ll get rid of those fears.” Jack asked how much it would cost. “One hundred fifty dollars a visit,” the doctor replied. Jack said he’d think about it. About six months later, Dr. Ken bumped into him on the street and asked, “Why didn’t you ever come back?” Jack said, “Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year—that’s over $23,000. A bartender cured me for ten bucks. I saved so much money I bought myself a new pickup truck.” The doctor asked, a little annoyed, “And how did a bartender cure you?” Jack grinned and said, “He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.” Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best.
See problems as opportunities. John Maxwell’s Law of the Rubberband reminds us that growth only happens when we’re stretched. What if the challenge in front of you is actually an opportunity to grow stronger? (yeah, I don’t like to hear that, either, when I’m in the midst of a trial.)
Turn failures into “learns.” Bubble wrap, Post-it Notes, and even Wheaties were born from mistakes. What looks like failure in the moment can be the seed of something remarkable.
Visualize a great outcome. In sports, champions like Tom Brady “see” success before it happens. We already “visualize” when we worry—it’s just picturing the worst outcome. Why not use that same energy to picture the best outcome instead? In 2019, I pictured a warm, sandy beach in my future without any idea how that was going to happen. In January 2020, my daughter and I spent 10 days in Maui!
At the end of the day, it comes down to this:
What we focus on grows.
This mindset shift not only makes our lives better–it makes us better leaders. And that’s exactly what we’ll be diving into at Live2Lead Tri-Cities on October 15th. You’ll walk away with practical leadership tools, fresh inspiration, and a renewed sense of purpose for both your personal life and your workplace.
"All of us do not have equal talent. Yet, all of us have an equal opportunity to develop our talents."
--Ratan Tata
I love spending time with my adult kids. Both my son and my daughter have this “nothing is impossible attitude.” If I am wondering if I can do a thing, they are the first to give me that “are you kidding me?” look followed with, “Of course, you can!” AND, I believe them. They continually stretch me.
I didn’t always hold this belief. I had no problem accepting and celebrating the good for others, but for me, too? I would watch others become successful and make excuses for why maybe I couldn’t. I wasn’t smart enough, young enough, didn’t have enough or didn’t know how to do it. I just wasn’t sure of my own abilities. Between my kids and one of my mentors, that lack of belief was crushed. Almost seven years ago, when I was curious about quitting my job and venturing out on my own, my kids urged me into that move. I was a bit anxious, but I did it and am creating what success looks like for me!!!
I learned that success is not about competition, comparison or scarcity, it’s all about creativity. What can I create and attract into my life? What do I want? How do I want my desired life to look or feel like? Once I created that vision, I went about creating it with my unique gifts, talents and strengths.
I’m too short to be an NBA star and I certainly couldn’t be a famous singer, even if the desire was there. There’s no way on God’s green earth that I could be an accountant or banker, either. Numbers are a foreign language for me. BUT…I can become the very best executive/mindset coach and leadership consultant ever, and use those gifts to create the life I dream about.
What does your desired life look and feel like? What do you want? What do you dream about? If failure was not an option, what opportunities would you like to pursue? Because success is for you, too. Really. Create that mental picture in your mind, add what it would feel like, write it down, and go after it using your gifts, talents and strengths. Go after it with everything that you have!
Success is not just for others…it’s for you, too. Need help creating a vision? I’m an email away.
"In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself."
--Seneca
Last week I hosted a spiritual retreat called Sacred Stillness. The focus was simple but powerful — spending more quiet time with God. As I prepared for it, I discovered something fascinating: solitude isn’t just good for our souls, it’s good for our brains, too!
When we turn off the distractions — phones, background music, email notifications — and truly pause, a few things happen:
Our brains are physically changed. Scientists have found that people who spend time in prayer and meditation actually have different brain patterns. Our imaginations get rewired. Negative mindsets can be replaced with positive, life-giving thoughts.
We become more relaxed. Even short meditation sessions can increase alpha brain waves — the ones that help us feel calm — and lower anxiety and depression.
Our brains stay younger longer. (My favorite!) A UCLA study found that long-term meditators’ brains were better preserved as they aged.
Our thoughts wander less. A Yale study found that meditation decreases activity in the part of the brain that causes “monkey mind” and constant distraction.
And here’s my favorite part: our perspective starts to shift.
When we give ourselves moments of true stillness, something powerful happens: our perspective begins to change. Meditation and quiet reflection create space between our thoughts and our reactions. Suddenly, challenges feel less overwhelming, we notice beauty we once rushed past, and we respond with more grace and less urgency. Over time, the quiet doesn’t just change our mind — it changes how we see the world.
If you want to bring more peace into your life without moving to a cabin in the woods, let’s talk — I can help you make stillness a natural part of your everyday.
That is how I’ve been trying to approach unknowns since the pandemic.
I used to spend a huge amount of time struggling with control issues. It makes me smile to even write this, because I know in my head that I can’t control people or circumstances. However, control can still rear it’s ugly head at times because old habits die hard.
Remember the lockdowns? Every other day, “they” changed the rules and we had to figure life out all over again. When I focused on this powerlessness, it felt dark and squeezing; my neck muscles tightened and my breathing got shallow. This would often manifest outwardly as irritation, bad attitude and even a bit of anger…because I didn’t know what was coming.
When this continued inner wrestling finally became painful enough, when I finally got sick of it, I decided to reflect more on the accompanying emotions. I wanted to crush these negative feelings, so I sat in them for awhile.
I came to the conclusion that my desire for control is really fear. WHAT? I’m not afraid of anything…unless it is an unknown or something I can’t control.
Powerlessness fueled the fear, which fed my irritation and anger.
Did you know that anger or irritation releases adrenaline-like substances in our bodies? Epinephrine is one of those hormones, as well. Together, these distract us from feeling pain. These chemicals also give us a feeling of control. AHA!
No wonder being angry is such a “go-to” emotion when the pain of powerlessness arises!
AND it’s not the circumstance that impacts our emotions in a negative way, it’s what we believe about the circumstance that causes the reaction. Fear is a feeling that is caused by our belief that something or someone will cause us pain or be dangerous. Fear can also rise when we are worried about something that MAY TRANSPIRE WITH AN UNCERTAIN OUTCOME.
The key word there is MAY. Research says that eighty-five percent of the things we worry about don’t come to pass anyway. And the fifteen percent that does happen, we handle way better than we expected!
What a waste of energy, mentally and emotionally. It was time for a belief change for me. I needed to change how I perceived unknowns and those things, circumstances and people I couldn’t control (which is just about every thing and body). I decided that it was time that I viewed life as an adventure. Adventures are exciting and fun. Yes, they can be risky and scary, in an enjoyable way. An adventure is something I choose–just like the thoughts I think. Unknowns and powerlessness are now adventures.
How much time did I waste in 2020 (yeah, it was a nasty habit) grasping for things that I couldn’t control anyway? What could I have used all that negative mental and emotional energy for? How much more creative could I have been. The past is gone and it doesn’t define me. Yippee!
I saw a statement in an online devotional that I enjoy, “Instead of grasping and controlling–release and receive.” This was such a great reminder for me!
“If you think you're smarter than the previous generation, consider this: Fifty years ago, the owner's manual of a car showed you how to adjust the valves. Today, it warns you not to drink the contents of the battery."
--Derric Johnson
Ever feel like your team could double as a family reunion—with five generations, all with different styles, slang, and snack preferences? (Yes, someone did put a ham sandwich in the fridge next to the oat milk.)
The subject of generational differences comes up often in my coaching and organizational training.
Here are a few quick tips to help keep the peace, boost engagement, and maybe even learn to appreciate Gen Z’s memes and Boomers’ voicemails:
1. Communicate in layers. Some prefer face-to-face or a phone call, others love a good Slack message (what is that?) or emoji-laced email. Use multiple formats to make sure everyone’s hearing (and understanding) the same message. 2. Value experience and fresh perspective. Invite the wisdom of seasoned staff and the creativity of newer generations. A mentoring moment could be just a coffee away. I had a suggestion for the firefighters I was serving: ask a veteran and a newer recruit to share how they see the same situation differently—and find value in both.
3. Give purpose, not just a paycheck. All generations want to know their work matters. Show the “why” behind the task—it motivates across the board.
4. Flex when you can. Work-life balance looks different to each generation. When you allow a little flexibility, you build a lot of loyalty.
5. Laugh together. Seriously. Humor is universal (even for the boomer generation–we might take ourselves too seriously)—just maybe don’t try TikTok dances at the staff meeting (unless you’re ready to go viral… for the wrong reason).
The big picture behind all of this is what John Maxwell says, “Put a “10” on everyone’s head.” That mindset is about choosing to see potential instead of problems, especially when someone is different, newer, slower, louder, younger, older, or just not like us.
Want more ideas to strengthen your multigenerational team? Let’s connect.
With you and your team,
Jan
Jan McDonald Maxwell Leadership Certified Team (Your friendly workplace translator and leadership guru)
At Sacred Stillness, the women’s retreat that I hosted last Friday, one of the topics that came up was comparison. One of the journal prompts for our time of solitude was “who or what do I compare myself to?” The answers were many; other people, physical appearances, social media portrayals, other’s parenting, other’s vacations–the list was long.
Many times, in my own personal life, comparison has stolen my peace and made me grumpy. I gave two of the very same presentations to different groups of people. One group had a great time and was very interactive and the other sat there like stones. Did I say something that didn’t make them want to talk? Why wasn’t the interaction as good as last time? Was I not good enough as another speaker might have been? Oh…shut…up, Norma.
Norma is the default voice inside my head that seeks to keep me average. She wants me to remain “normal”, whatever the heck that means. I’m never enough for her. She always likes to keep me in my comfort zone and she’s quite vocal when I attempt new things. That totally rocks her boat. Norma always chatters big time after I speak somewhere. She can be vicious and loves to compare me with others. Most of the time, she is my own worst enemy.
I asked a pastor friend to weigh in on this topic of comparison. These were some of his words, “Comparison leads down two darker paths; pride and covetousness. If we compare and think ourselves better, we become proud and haughty. Not good. If we see that we fall short and covet to have what others have, we may resort to illegitimate means to obtain what they have, or just become depressed, feeling that it is outside of our reach. It’s a dangerous game to play, unless you have a serious heart check about why you’re doing it.” Great wisdom.
On the other hand, comparison can be good if we are doing it to learn from others. As leaders, if we compare ourselves to those who are farther along the path than we are, we can become better leaders. If we view others as better with the humility to learn, comparison can be beneficial.
How can we make comparison advantageous to us?
First, remember our uniqueness. Our DNA is a 5-million-character code that paints a picture of each one of us. That same code has never existed and never will again. Each person has their own unique set of fingerprints. There has never been another created like each one of us and never will be. We are one of a kind. Special.
Second, since I am a Christian, Ephesians 1:4 tells me that Christ chose me before the foundation of the universe (Me? He chose me?) I didn’t have to clean up, get good enough or become someone other than me to be loved by Him. I am made in His image, He knows my short-comings and accepts me as I am. Hallelujah! He also gave me my strengths, assets and talents…and there are many of them. Ephesians 3:10 tells me that I am His Masterpiece! Leonardo Da Vinci painted only one Mona Lisa. God made only one me. And only one you.
Thirdly, ask yourself if your best friends would say what you were negatively thinking or saying about yourself. Would they call you that? Would they say that about you? I don’t think so. Stop punishing yourself for not being somebody else.
Lastly, appreciate who you are and what you have. Write a list of all the good things about you and read that list daily. When your Norma gets out of control, read her that list. Norma usually doesn’t argue with the truth. Don’t let comparison steal your joy!
You may have more ways to crush comparison of yourself with others. I would love to hear how you deal with your Norma. I don’t believe we can have too many tools in our arsenal to build ourselves up to become all that we can be.
I will end on this note–comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent. Purpose to not let Norma steal your joy this season by remembering your own uniqueness.
"Until we deal with our "head trash" nothing is going to change."
--Jan McDonald
Can you believe it’s almost August? What happened to this year? It’s almost the last quarter of 2025 and how are we doing with our goal achievement? I’ve been reflecting on the progress that I’m making toward my goals. I’m closer to achieving them, but it’s about those competing commitments. I’m not talking about things that cause setbacks that I can’t control. Let me explain.
There’s reasons why we don’t get our goals accomplished or make the progress we want. What normally happens is we define these things as reasons, the truth is they’re excuses. (Ouch!) Excuses are competing commitments. Let me give you an example.
I looked back on my year and made excuses that I was really busy, or I needed to spend time with my husband, or I didn’t know how to move forward….blah, blah, blah. When I really thought about it–all of those things were excuses–or competing commitments.
Maybe we really want or need to lose some weight, but tomorrow our friend is having a backyard barbeque. We can’t start until after that, so we’re going to eat ice cream tonight. Besides, think of all the great food we would miss tomorrow. Those outside excuses compete with our inner desired commitments. Some of those excuses are just head trash. We choose to let outside circumstances and conditions derail us.
Choice happens in our minds.
For sure, there will always be competing commitments. Some of them will be the same excuses we’ve had in the past. At least that’s what I found in my reflection time. Some of the things that are going to stop us from progressing toward our goals are predictable. We know in advance that there’s going to be more pot lucks and barbeques. We know in advance that we’re going to have days that are extremely busy. Our car battery may die. Then, of course, it’s almost football season.
I know that it’s easy for me to tell myself that I can do anything tomorrow if I am not up against a deadline. Most of the time, I’m pretty focused, but honestly, I can choose more fun things to do than work sometimes.
What are we going to do when these competing commitments arise?
We can’t make the decision to lose weight at the barbeque standing in front of the table of brownies, potato salad and chips. We can’t make the decision to go to the gym at 5:00 in the morning when it’s cold and raining. Let’s decide in advance what we’re going to do when competing commitments arise.
When we begin to be driven by inner commitments and desires, rather than by outside circumstances and conditions, life will change. We’ll progress forward toward the goals to which we have committed. We have to remove the head trash; those defeating thoughts that keep us from our desired lives. We have to come up with a “move forward at any cost” contingency plan when we’re faced with a circumstance that competes with our desires and goals.
One of my contingency plans that came out of my reflection time is to focus on my desired life rather than instant gratification. I kick my head trash to the curb and picture in my mind who I will become or what I will achieve by doing the thing that is my inner commitment. It’s a great plan that works for me. Yes, it takes mental discipline, but that’s a topic for another email.
How are you going to win when an competing commitment threatens to derail your goals?
“You can’t always control what goes on outside, but you can always control what goes on inside.”
--Wayne Dyer
Can you tell what I’ve been speaking on lately? Anxiety is a major concern, not only is the workplace, but at home. Here’s a part of the presentation that I’m giving:
𝑨𝒏𝒙𝒊𝒆𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒏. 𝑷𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆’𝒔 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆. When you find yourself feeling anxious–here’s 3 quick steps to help you change your perspective:
1. 𝑻𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒔. Drop your shoulders. That gets oxygen to the brain and that calms the fight or flight response that anxiety wakes up. Until we calm the brain down, we can’t change our mindset.
2. 𝑰𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒙𝒊𝒆𝒕𝒚. Embrace it, feel it and know that it’s real. Caroline Leaf says, “Name it and then we can tame it.” When you name your emotions, you’re connecting the rational part of your brain with the emotional part. This allows you to think clearly and make choices that align with your values. Sometimes just taking the time to name the emotion calms the mind, because you are talking to the logical side of the brain to come up with the name that the emotional side of the brain is experiencing. 3. 𝑫𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒇𝒇 𝒊𝒕. When we stuff our emotions, especially anxiety, it shows up somewhere else. They get bottled up and then it’s like shaking a pop bottle and then taking the lid off. We don’t want it going all over. Worse yet, stuffing our emotions can wreak havoc in our bodies.
If you need some coaching through this, please let me know.
Peacefully typed,
Jan Jan McDonald Maxwell Leadership Certified Team Don’t forget–early bird prices for Live2Lead!https://www.jan-mcdonald.com/l2l
"Calmness is power. Say to your heart, "Peace be still."
--James Allen
What I’m going to share with you made no sense to me when I first heard it. When I used it in the height of rush hour traffic when I wasn’t sure of my destination–it worked! I was so amazed.
So I taught it in my workshop, “Building Inner Strength for Resilient Advocates.” It was one of their favorite tools to combat anxiety.
I don’t know about you, but when I get anxious, I fight it. I want it to go away at that moment! My hubby, Dennis, has been reading a book called “Beyond Anxiety,” by Martha Beck, because he has been diagnosed with anxiety. (I have his approval to tell you this.) Martha says that rather than fight the uncomfortable anxious feelings, we embrace them. We embrace them like we would hug a scared puppy. How would we calm a scared puppy?
We would hold them close, but not too tightly, and we would pet them with loving strokes. “It’s okay that you’re scared. It’s okay, you’re safe here. There’s no danger, ” would be some of the things that we would say to them. We wouldn’t tell them it’s stupid to be afraid or to get over it, like I sometimes tell myself. That soothing puppy concept sounded so counterintuitive to me…until I tried it. And when the participants in my workshop tried it on something that was causing them anxiety, it worked. I could watch their shoulders drop and sense their calmness. At the end of the workshop, hands down, that was one of their big takeaways!
How does this work? When you are feeling anxious or fearful:
• Acknowledge the fear. • Ask yourself what is causing the fear; get curious. When we ask ourselves a question the logical side of the brain starts to work—that shuts down the emotional side. Yay! • Sigh. Every time we breath out, the heartbeat slows a little and that is calming. • Shift your state to calm by speaking calming words (see below.) • Be gentle on yourself. Give yourself compassion like you would a scared kitty or puppy.
Here are some calming statements: “Hello, anxiety. I see you.” “You’re trying to keep me safe. Thank you.” “But I’m not in danger right now.” “I’m okay in this moment. I am safe.” “I can handle this, one breath at a time.”
Yeah, I know, it sounds weird. Try it. Bring to mind a situation that causes you anxiety. It could be something from work, a difficult conversation, driving in rush hour traffic, or even feeling overwhelmed. Breathe slowly, whisper quietly, and comfort yourself like you would a friend…or a scared puppy. Let me know how it works for you.
"Emotions are neither good nor bad, it's our thinking that makes them so."
--my humble opinion
The Latin derivative for the word emotion, “emotere,’ literally means energy in motion. Emotions are just energy moving through the body. They are not good or bad; it’s the meaning that we attach to them.
Emotions are the bodies reaction to your mind. For example, if you FEEL threatened, physically or psychologically that causes the body to contract—what we call fear. Strong emotions bring changes chemically in the body
The First Law of Thermodynamics (Conservation) states that energy is always conserved, it cannot be created or destroyed. In essence, energy can be converted from one form into another. What happens to emotions when they are not expressed? When anxiety, fear, resentment, sadness or any emotion that cause us to dislike ourselves and/or others are stuffed instead of processed, they have to go somewhere. Neuroscientists have come to the conclusion that stuffing results in a build up of energy in the body can manifest as stress. This can affect blood pressure, memory and self-esteem. Longer term, or chronic stress, can cause increased risk of diabetes, heart disease, depression, headaches, or anxiety disorders.
An emotion usually represents an amplified and energized thought pattern. If we allow the negative emotion to take us over, rather than identifying it and letting it pass, it often starts a vicious cycle—the thinking and the emotion feed each other. By dwelling mentally on the situation, event or person that is the perceived cause of the emotion, the thought feeds energy to the emotion which in turn energizes that thought pattern and so on. It can turn into a vicious cycle. How do we defuse negative emotions? I’m not a psychologist, and I’m not talking about the grief experienced from loss. but this is how I handle negative emotions:
1. Eat chocolate. I’m sure there’s a chemical in chocolate that makes you feel better. Just kidding. The real #1 is to step back and identify it. Get curious. What is the emotion? What is causing the emotion? When I take the time to name the emotion, it usually isn’t anger at all, but fear, rejection, disappointment, frustration, self-judgement, etc. Take the time to ask yourself enough questions to name it. Naming it removes some of its power.
2. Tequila shots and Moosehead beer. NOT! That’s the old me. The real second step is to FEEL the emotion. The goal is to feel it; not make it go away. I know that sounds crazy, but Dr. Leaf says, “Feeling is healing.” Be your own best friend. If you were down, your best friend wouldn’t tell you to “just get over it.” They would validate your feeling and empathize with you. Give yourself that same compassion for the situation you are in. (Remember, what we resists, persists and even grows.)
3. Blame someone else. That’s my fave. The real #3 is nobody or no thing makes me feel an emotion. The emotions are my own making. I even hate to write that. Think about it. My husband likes to finger tap, on the steering wheel, on the back of my chair, on the coffee table with his foot…he just taps. It is so irritating to me. BUT, someone else might not even notice it. Flying causes extreme anxiety in many people. I don’t understand that. What drives you crazy may have zero impact on me.
4. Deny it. Yeah, that’s like me telling you to not think about the pink elephant in the room . You’re thinking about that now, aren’t you? The real #4 is to accept it. Embrace the negative feeling and discover the message that it has for you. Ask yourself, “What does this mean?” and “What must I do with it?” Are you able to take action on whatever it is that is impacting you? I have found that most things that get under my skin are those things that I can’t control. So I just have to feel the pain, and let go.
I feel better just writing this. Especially, because much of what is bothering me today is out of my control. What I can control is my response and how I live in my own world.
"No one has a problem with the first mile of a journey. Even an infant could do fine for a while. But it isn't the start that matters. It's the finish line."
--Julien Smith
What? It’s June already? What happened to the whole first half of the year. This thought prompted me to look more closely at my goals. Some goals are right on; some could use some extra work.
There is a teaching in the Maxwell Bible in 2 Chronicles. John’s commentary is titled “Leaders Need to Finish Well.” Four of the kings written about in Chronicles started their reigns really well. Their people benefited from their success and fame, but the kings let their good times go to their heads and their monarchy finishes were not so pretty. Here are some reasons for their poor finishes:
1. The people drifted away from their calling as spiritual leaders and their jobs became routine and ho-hum rather than executed with their original passion.
2. The kings overestimated their own personal importance and allowed themselves to become exceptions to the rules.
3. The kings grew blind to their weaknesses and refused accountability.
4. The kings did not raise up, train and empower great leaders to follow in their original values and passion. If we are to leave any lasting legacy, a successful passing of the leadership torch needs to be in place. They didn’t create a strategy to have the right people in the right place at the right time.
I remember writing my book, “Fruitful Leadership; Leading by The Fruit of The Spirit.” When I began the study, which became the book, of the Fruit of the Spirit and daily posted my thoughts on the private Facebook page–I felt called to do it. I was very excited about it! I wrote when I didn’t feel like it because I felt such a passion for what I was learning. Really…what better leadership characteristics to model than those of the Spirit. Those traits are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.
I do the very best I know how, the very best I can, and I mean to keep on doing so until the end. Abraham Lincoln
Then came the editing part–boring. But I didn’t want to drift away from my original calling and passion to turn out something less than my best. I wanted finishing the book as a writing of worth, beauty, elegance and, hopefully, impact. Thinking about it this way gave me new resolve and excitement, which pulled me through the editing. My editor held me accountable and kept me humble. Geesh, I paid her to tell me where my writing wasn’t done well!
I published the book in 2019. It’s not a best seller, but I got a text last weekend from a reader who is still turning to it for devotionals. Pushing through the editing was worth it to have the impact that I believed the book could have.
We’re halfway through 2025. Have you revisited your goals lately? Hopefully, most of you look at them daily.
How’s your passion? Do you know what your blind spots are? Do you feel like your life has become ho-hum? Are your drifting from your calling? Are you raising up other leaders to continue your legacy? Let me help you if you need it, so you can finish 2025 well!
Finishing 2025 well,
Jan McDonald Maxwell Leadership Certified Team
For more leadership or growth hacks, follow me on Facebook @janmariemcdonald
"Wave slope surfing has taught me to soar in the midst of trying circumstances."
--Jan McDonald
Dennis has been challenged with a health issue and hasn’t worked since Thanksgiving. The docs (and there were many of them) have done every test and haven’t found anything wrong. At first, we thought it was the small mass that they found on his kidney because of all the symptoms. The small mass was removed at the end of March and thankfully it was benign. However, some of the symptoms remain.
Our first response to this trial was, “when is this going to be over?”
Isn’t that how we face most of our circumstances? “I want this to be over how can I fix this maybe this will work or that will work what can I control?”
The Good Book says, “Consider it all joy when you face trials of many kinds, because the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” SHUT UP. Thank you very much—I don’t need any more endurance.
Watching my loved one suffer has been the hardest, especially because there hasn’t been anything I could do to fix the situation. I’ve had to stay positive, because I needed my creativity and good attitude not only for Dennis but for those I serve in coaching and training.
This brought to mind something I learned from pelicans at the Oregon Coast. (You can barely see the pelicans in the picture.) Wave slope surfing is a technique that pelicans use where they glide just inches above the ocean surface, using the slight air pressure created by the forward slope of a wave. By positioning themselves at just the right angle and height, they ride the wave’s energy with minimal effort—soaring for miles with barely a flap. It has taught me to see the “waves’’ in my life with a different perspective. How does this apply to our lives?
1. Pelicans don’t fight the waves; they use the momentum to carry them forward. Instead of resisting or trying to control that which we can’t, we can learn to ride the energy of the situation. We can use the “wind” to grow and change rather than to wallow in self-pity.
2. Pelicans fly close to the water—just inches above the danger–where the lift is strongest. The bigger the wave the faster they go! Leaning into our challenges often gives us the greatest insight and growth. I’ve been learning to move toward the emotions that I’m feeling rather than running from them. Those of you who know me, know that this has been a struggle for me.
3. The powerlessness feeling has been so brutal. Pelicans don’t struggle with powerlessness; they go with the flow. They don’t work harder to try and fix their situation, they just soar.
4. When pelicans crash, they regroup. Pelicans don’t stop flying because they fell once. Similarly, our strength grows each time we get up after falling. Resilience isn’t about never crashing—it’s about remembering that we can fly again.
As Dennis and I search for more solutions—I know we’ll find one. But when the next wave comes—and it will—I will remember; I was never meant to outrun it or resist it. I was meant to use its energy to soar above it. Even if I crash, I am not defeated; I’m getting ready to fly again.
What wave are you facing that could become an updraft if you changed your perspective?
If you want something in life that you've never had, you're going to have to do something you've never done."
--JD Houston
How many times have you been asked to do something you’ve never done before? I know that stepping out of our comfort zone can be…well…terrifying. Okay, maybe not that bad, but the places that we go in our heads can be. We often wonder, “What if I don’t do well?” “What if I fail?” “What if I really can’t do it?” “What if I look stupid?” And “geesh, maybe you should have thought about this more and who are you to do this I mean there’s no way you’ll succeed…blah, blah, blah.”
I have learned to change my thinking to, “What if I nail it?” “What if it’s an epic success?” “What if I’m the exact person for that task?”
Well, here’s a different way to think about it. “What ifs” are not truth. Negative “what ifs” are just statements that our brain makes up to keep us in our comfort zone. “What ifs” are thoughts to keep us from getting hurt. We bump up against limitations that we have created in our minds.
Those self-created limitations are called the Terror Barrier. The Terror Barrier lurks just outside the comfort zone waiting to pounce. It’s that feeling of dread or the certainty that we are doomed if we try the thing we want to attempt. It’s that feeling a man gets when he wants to ask a woman out on a date. It’s that feeling that we get when the boss calls us into his/her office. It’s that feeling most people get when they are asked to speak publicly. It’s that feeling we get whenever we want to try something risky or new.
Here’s 3 steps to becoming a wrecking ball on your personal Terror Barrier:
1. Do it afraid. Just keep moving forward no matter how badly your feet want to stay rooted to the ground. Refuse to let this limitation (that probably was your own creation) to control you or your future.
2. Expect the enemy. The Terror Barrier rears its ugly head every time we want to step into territory where we haven’t previously traveled. It’s natural and normal. Simply shrug and tell yourself, “Oh, there you are again. You’re trying to keep me safe. This must mean something great for me if you are trying to stop me.”
3. Keep your eyes on the prize. Mentally see yourself winning. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” Focus on how good it will feel to break through–victory tastes sooooo sweet.
I think we have no idea what we are truly capable of. Today, when you are faced with the Terror Barrier, take the above 3 steps. You can do it. Smashing through that barrier is possible and remember, once you stretch that comfort zone, it never goes back to the original smaller shape.
Go and grow…BIGTIME!
Jan
Jan McDonald Maxwell Leadership Certified Team For a friend to subscribe: https://www.jan-mcdonald.com/email
In The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork, John Maxwell writes about the Law of Countability. This law is all about being able to count on each other. One of the things that I love about teaching a subject is that I have to learn it well myself. Read on for the fascinating concept that this brought to me.
If we’re not sure if we can count on each other, it could distract us, slow us down, or shut us down completely. If we can’t count on each other, trust is lost. A few characteristics of teams that don’t trust each other are; They don’t ask for help, they hide their weaknesses, spend inordinate amounts of time managing behaviors or walking on egg shells, and/or jump to conclusions about others intentions.
There are five keys to create trust so we can count on each other.
1. Character–that’s who we are when nobody else is looking. We bring our integrity to our team. Character is an inside job. 2. Competence–we know our jobs well and contribute our strengths to the team. 3. Commitment–we are committed to our team no matter what. We do what we say we will do. 4. Consistency–we don’t allow for gaps in our performance. Team members know what to expect from us. 5. Cohesion–we are team players; we get along with members of the team.
Let’s go back to character which is the foundation of effective leadership…and self-leadership. I don’t have a problem showing integrity to others. When I commit to doing something for someone else, it gets done.
Here’s the fascinating concept: There are times when I don’t keep commitments to me. For example, I told myself I was going to start posting consistently on social media. I did…for about 3 days. Oh geesh, I couldn’t count on me! If I do not honor the word to myself, then I don’t believe myself. I don’t trust myself. Lack of trust in myself can hold me back AND if I continue to break those commitments to me, I can set up a pattern where it’s okay to not keep my word to myself.
What an awareness! I need improvement here. I may not get it right all the time, but I can change. I know the power of teaching my mind and body self-mastery is immense. I want myself to realize that if I commit personally to something, no matter what, I am going to do it.
When I asked the team that I was teaching what was their biggest “take-away” from that day, many of them said it was the concept of self-integrity. They had never thought of it that way.
"Watch what you tell yourself, you're likely to believe it."
Technology can bring out the worst in me. On Friday morning, I had a couple of challenges that highjacked my positive attitude. The Head Trash began. “This shouldn’t be this hard, you’re just old.” “These instructions are so simple, you aren’t smart enough.” “You’re not good enough.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised, as I am often tested in the areas in which I teach or coach. I just had a conversation with a coaching client on guilt and self-talk earlier in the week. I didn’t remember that because my body was in fight mode and I wasn’t thinking clearly.
After a half day of bad attitude and snarky comments in my head, I dropped everything and headed out to do yard work in the sun. As I clipped back the dead lavender and threw the clippings in the garbage can, I realized that was what I needed to do with my Head Trash. Clip it off and throw it in the garbage. It occurred to me then that I had just shared that concept a couple of days before. The light in my head went on and I sat there in the sun and started to laugh.
That Head Trash circling in my head is not true about me. That is not who I am. (NO, 72 is not old. It’s the new 49.) I am smart, I am good enough. In fact, I am complete in Jesus, not lacking anything. God sees me as perfect (Ephesians 1:4,5) and I need to agree with His vision. WOW! That changes everything.
I don’t need anything outside of myself to make me feel better. I have emotions; I don’t let them have me. (okay, not very often.) I get to choose my thoughts and attitude. I’m grateful that those times where I let those nasty voices in my head get the better of me are fewer and farther in between.
There remains no accusing voice…we do it to ourselves…or is it just me?
Oh yeah, when I went back to the technology challenges with a fresh perspective and positive mindset, I figured them out…quickly.
Dennis found this story on Facebook when we were fighting Covid together: 
