Most of us know exactly what we should be doing with our time, and our lives. Despite that, sometimes we just don’t do it.  Why is that?

When we think of what prevents people from doing what they know, we have to look at their learning models, as humans. We all operate through learned models. Some operate through learning models of achievement and some operate through learning models of failure. Either way, they are learning models. There’s 3 components to a learning model;

1. Awareness

2. Belief

3. Understanding and applying the principles and skillsets

We see this all the time in students when they prepare for the SAT test. They take the classes, learn the skills and then blow the test. We say they are bad test takers, when in actuality, they have reached their own level of belief. They aren’t sure they can perform well on the test.

We never outperform our belief level. Until our belief level about who we are and what we can do changes, we can be skilled as all get out, but we don’t export that skill.

The third part of this is understanding and applying the skillsets. Most people don’t perform their past behavior because they never get past their level of belief.  At some point in the six-year-old’s life, the desire to ride overcomes every fear, doubt and worry he has about riding. He watches the others and pictures himself there with them.  Someone shows up to show him, to teach him balance and encourage him.  The child doesn’t even care if he is ridiculed for falling because his vision of himself riding a bike has expanded beyond his fear of failure.  When he falls, he gets back up and continually tries. Eventually, he succeeds!!

This is exactly how we turn learning models of failure into learning models of success. Once we become aware of a new desire to be, do or have more,  we explore our beliefs. Yes, we may not be experienced in this new desire. It might be true that we don’t  have a clue on how to achieve this new desire or goal.

I don’t know who said this, but I believe it, because I have lived it.
 

“If the dream is big enough, the facts don’t count.”

To change my learning model, my experience has been to build an image within my mind that’s an entirely new image. Then I begin living the new image I want  AS IF I already am the new image that I want to express.  It’s interesting how people, opportunities and ideas show up to help me understand and apply the principles in the new model that I envision. With practice, time and belief, I can build this new image on the outside. It’s just like learning to ride a bike!

I hope this makes sense. In the fall, be on the lookout for an opportunity to discover learning models of success in your life. My desire is help those individuals who feel stuck with learning models and belief systems that aren’t serving them.  There will be more details to come in the next couple of emails.

In the meantime, explore some of your learning models. Why do you not do what you know you should do?  If you have questions, shoot me an email. Don’t beat yourself up, just become aware of where you want change.  Think about who you want to become, what you want to do or have and know that it’s possible.

Dreaming bigger,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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I just got back from a difficult, birthday hike on Badger Mountain. I experienced an incredible amount of gratefulness as I reflected on my life. I’m healthy and fit; I love my calling as a coach/trainer/consultant; I live in a gorgeous area; I get to live in America; I have an amazing family–the list could go on.

I remembered my most amazing fitness feat before I decided to get healthy was getting from the couch to the refrigerator to get wine, beer, tequila….

Before I quit drinking and drugging–I had every excuse; “I don’t have a problem.” “I’m too young to quit.” “I don’t think I can or want to.” “How will I be able to have any fun?” “I’m afraid, because I’ve tried so many times and failed.”

I was getting ready to get ready to live my life in a totally different way.

Many people get ready to get ready. Maybe you would like to learn to play the piano. You research teachers in your area and maybe even call around for schedules but then you stop short of setting up your first session. Why is this? Why is it so hard to get started? It’s very simple. Fear.

Fear is a debilitating emotion that can keep you from reaching your full potential. We all have fears and many of us have learned that until we conquer our fears, we are stuck. We can’t start that project or that goal or achieve that which we so desire.

How do we start when we are scared stiff? Instead of working on the fear, let’s try a different approach and let’s look at the end result. Using the piano example, maybe this has been a dream all your life to learn but you never had the chance; circumstances got in the way. And now you have the time and you have the means to get the lessons but you are afraid. What if you stink at it? What if you are too old to learn? What if you can’t master the keys and the chords? So what! So what! You will never know unless you try. And try more than once, because failing is part of succeeding.

I failed many times at recovery. It took me years to get ready. When I finally embraced and fearfully stepped into my vision of clean, sober and healthy Jan, I was able to move in the direction of that vision–one day at a time.

Think about your vision, your dream of playing that concerto piece you love so much. Or playing that Billy Joel song. Whatever your vision is of learning to play the piano – that is what you need to focus on every day. Every time you get scared, every time you doubt yourself, see yourself at your first recital playing a piece you practiced for hours and hours, day after day and now you are ready to play for a group. Imagine yourself experiencing the enjoyment of reading the music sheet and then turning the notes into actual music – pouring out of the piano – imagine how that would feel.

Now is the time to start. No more excuses.

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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I finally found my 2018 journal. I’d been searching for a couple of months. When I pulled out all of my supplies to facilitate an in-person workshop…there it was! As I was reading through it, I realized I’d spent alot of time trying to control events, people and things in my life that weren’t mine to control. When we long for things to be the way we want them to be, rather than the way they are, that’s resistance.  Hmmm…control=resistance. 

The Universal Law of Resistance says that what we resist continues to appear in our experience until we learn to release what created the resistance in the first place.  It’s like we get to keep taking the test until we get it right. 

Whenever we experience discontent, unhappiness, or bad attitude, there is something we are resisting.  It’s not the experience that itself that causes pain, it’s the resistance. You may want to read that last sentence twice.

This “pain” is because we label our emotions as good or bad. They are not either, until our mind says so. Emotions are just energy in motion. All feelings come and go, so why pay so much attention to whatever shows up in any particular moment? If you think I’ve gone off the deep end here…remember the last time you had a fight with your hubby, you overdrew your checking account, you had a crucial conversation that went bad, or some other crisis…and then you had to go to work? You pulled yourself up out of your fetal position, changed your attitude and went to work, didn’t you?  AND as a leader, nobody had a clue what you had been through.

When you got home from work that night, the earlier crisis didn’t seem so bad after all. E-Motion. Energy in motion. Those tough feelings came and went. The situation may not have been resolved, but the feelings were not as intense. We weren’t giving those emotions energy because we were working.

How do we deal with resistance? First we need to become aware of what it is that we are resisting. Then we need to let it be. Don’t try to fix or change it, just become aware of our inner chatter about it.  What are we saying inside?  What is the feeling and why? Don’t fight it and don’t stuff it either. Acknowledge it, surrender it and say “yes” to the experience/feeling. Be grateful for your awareness.

Yes, easier said than done and it takes practice. My experience has been that this works, because where my focus goes there my energy flows. If I am busily focusing on the negative, it calls more negative into my life. If I let go and surrender what I’m resisting, the tension drains out of my neck and those negative e-motions float away. 

It’s good to know that growth is a process…well, I’m happy with that fact most of the time…because there are still places in my life where I’m still taking that test. I’ve grown, though, because more times than not, I am able to open my grasping, little hands and let go of what is not mine to control. 

Accepting…mostly, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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Are Dennis and I the only couple that speaks, okay, yells at each other from different parts of our home? Do we take the time and the interest to actually want to know the answer to this question when we see  someone in the grocery store, “How are you doing?”  When was the last time you were misunderstood?  Or when has someone told you something and you didn’t hear?  When was the last time you asked a question and when the other person answered, they were looking at their cell phone the whole time? 

I don’t remember where I read this, but in one of John Maxwell’s books, he says that the best gift we can give, the best way we can add value to another, is to listen to them.  When was the last time someone actually listened to hear what you were saying…they weren’t thinking about how they were going to reply?  Did they seem really interested in what you were saying?  Ouch.  I have to confess that when I am in the middle of a task, my listening skills can fly right out the window. Oh yeah, how about those times in a conversation where I just know that I’m right and then have to prove it.  Or I perceive that someone is taking way too long to finish their thought and I interrupt and finish it for them. OOOOOKAAAAYYY.  

Let’s look at some ways that we can add value to others by giving them the gift of listening.  

1. First, put down our cell phones, close our computers, turn off the television and shut the iPad. Give the other person the gift of our full attention. When I am in the middle of something, I have learned that I need to ask the person if they can wait a moment until I finish what I’m doing. If I don’t, I will still be thinking about my task and won’t be focused on what they are saying.

2. Maintain eye contact–that prevents us drifting out of the conversation.  

3. Refrain from judging. Judging prevents clarity in hearing their thoughts and we expend our energy forming an opinion rather than really hearing. Slipping into judger mode or becoming defensive causes the fight or flight response in our body.  You know what that does…all the blood drains out of our brains into our extremities so we can flee the situation or put up our dukes.  How good is our listening or even our thinking when that happens?

4. After the other person has spoken, repeat back to them in the form of a rephrase. These recapping statements are tentatively spoken. We can start with, “I heard you say,” or “Did I hear this right?” Then rephrase or recap what you heard.  This gives them the opportunity to elaborate in the case that we heard incorrectly, or they weren’t clear in their sharing. 

5. Be curious. Listen for the words behind the words. Seek to understand the full meaning of what they’re saying, and by all means, don’t interrupt or finish their sentences. 

When someone listens to me with their full attention, I feel appreciated, cared for and valued. I think I may have written this for me, but I hope you’re getting  some value, as well.  Big smiley face here.  You always know where I’m struggling from these emails…or what I’m teaching on the next week:)  Challenge yourself this week to listen like this…give the gift of your full attention. 

I bet you have other suggestions to add to my list.  Please email me if you do!  

I’m listening, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team 

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The 4th of July sounded like a war zone here because there were so many fireworks exploding. I saw a facebook post that said, “Fireworks on sale; Buy One Get 56,000.” It sure sounded like that. 

Normally, on July 4th and New Year’s Eve, my dog, Truffle, paces the house looking for a safe space, trembling at the sound of fireworks. It’s awful to watch because I am powerless to alleviate her fears (and you know how I feel about being powerless.) My best friend was staying with us on the fourth and suggested I turn on the fan in the bathroom so Truffle couldn’t hear the noise. Truffle was already cowering in the bathroom, so I gave her a peanut butter CBD treat, wrapped her in her thundercoat, grabbed a small fan from my office because that fan wasn’t as loud. Then we hunkered down for the evening. 

The fan, the CBD, the thundercoat and me hanging out with her worked. After a while, she fell asleep.  I left her at midnight to go to bed because the fireworks subsided. She came out with her tail wagging, saw me in bed, and then headed back to her safe space to sleep the night away. 

Truffle is 9 years old. All of these years, suffering through fireworks and never experiencing harm, you would think she wouldn’t feel afraid.  It’s interesting, though–I think I’m a bit like Truffle sometimes. 

How many times have I been anxious about something that never happened? How many times have I been hunkered down on the bathroom floor rather than make a phone call to a prospect?  How many times have I not had (what I assumed was) a crucial conversation because I feared the outcome–it wasn’t a tough conversation after all?  And I have procrastinated a project because I didn’t know how to do it and feared I would do it incorrectly. Or is it just me that likes a safe space? 

In Hawaii last year, our resort had this long, corkscrew tube slide into one of the swimming pools.  “Mom, we have to do that!” my daughter said excitedly.  Are you kidding? It would be dark, I couldn’t see where I was going or where it would spit me out. That powerless thing again. Crap…I couldn’t let Julie know I was afraid. Fine. I dreaded every moment of the stair climb to the top. The guy sitting at the top said, “I’m here to make sure you go down feet first.” OMGeeee, people want to go down head first? I just laughed. 

IT WAS A BLAST! I can’t count the number of times that we enjoyed that slide!  
 
I know these sound like minor things, but fear can be paralyzing and prevent us from achieving our goals and dreams. I have coached individuals who didn’t set goals because they were afraid of not attaining them.  Fear of success can cause us to sabotage the very achievements that we have so hoped to earn.  What does fear cost us?  It’s a great question, isn’t it?

My experience in overcoming fear is to take action…one baby step at a time.  Eleanor Roosevelt says it best, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’  You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”  That action makes the next scary thing easier to do. 

Facing my fears, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

 
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A couple of nights ago I was reading the chapter on Persistence again in “Think and Grow Rich,” by Napolean Hill. I was reminded of mile 10 in the Big Sur marathon. It’s a 5% grade uphill to Hurricane point. Having driven the course the night before, I knew that hill was more than a mile long.  It looks really steep at the bottom, believe me. I took a deep breath, focused on the road directly in front of me and just ground it out to the top. That success gave me the impetus to finish strong. I knew if I could run up that–I could run anything.

Sometimes leadership feels like that doesn’t it?  Whether you’re the CEO of a large corporation or non-profit or the parent of a family, sometimes we just have to put our head down and face what’s directly in front of us…one step at a time…until we reach our goal. 

Persistence is a driving trait of a strong leader.  It is the ability to continue to move forward toward our goals in spite of tremendous obstacles or set backs. Persistence helps us confront complications and yet still keep our perspective.

When we face obstacles, challenges or even failure, persistence is the ability to face them with the determination and tenacity to find a solution. As leaders, we are the ones who set the tone for those we lead.  Isn’t this the behavior that we want to see in those we lead?  If we are raising up other leaders, we want them to learn to persist until they solve the problem.  Our persistence establishes a set of expectations for our teams.  They learn to expect to solve problems on their own and they develop a “can do” attitude because of that expectation.

We are programmed to give up or take the easier route. But grinding out the best solution builds character and helps grow into our full potential.  Persevering develops our talent and self-esteem for the next challenge that we face. It makes us stronger, hence it makes those we lead stronger.

Life may be easy…but that’s only if we are living inside of our comfort zone.

Who wants to stay there? It’s not very fun or exciting. Leaders live on the edge. Leaders push the envelope …most of the time. Yes, there are times, when I want the couch and my blankie–but those times don’t last long anymore. Practicing persistence can become a habit, because of the positive effects it has on us and other in our lives.

Persistence gives us the ability to remain consistent even in the face of challenges and difficulties. Consistency provides stability to those who follow because they know what they can expect from the leader and they know what is expected from them.

The last thought on persistence; Those who develop the habit of persistence  seem to enjoy insurance against failure.  No matter how many times we may be defeated, persistence enables us to get up and give it another go.  No matter how smart, educated or talented we are, a goal or vision of any great stature will not be achieved without persistence. Nothing takes the place of persistence.

Have you developed the habit of persistence? Are you modeling that for those you lead?

Persisting,

Jan

 Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team
 

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Dr. Ben Carson’s story is so inspiring. His mom, Sonya, didn’t have any more than a 3rd grade education. She married his dad, a preacher, because she figured it was the only way to get anywhere. Sonya found him unfaithful and moved to Detroit with Ben and his brother to raise them as a single mom.

She believed in herself and her sons enough and went to work to provide the best that she could for them. She worked as a domestic servant and at one time had three jobs so that she could provide for Ben and his brother, Curtis. They didn’t see much of her at times, as she would go to work before they arose and come home after they went to bed.

Ben was at the bottom of his class and was laughed at by his peers. He developed a severe anger issue because of it.  He almost stabbed a student one day in a disagreement over radio stations. The only thing that saved him was the knife broke off in the belt of the student he attacked. Sonya believed she could turn his life around She made Ben and Curtis two library books per week and make reports on them.  Even though Sonya could barely read, she would look over the reports slowly, and then put a check mark on top of the page.

The boys hated the strict regimen of first doing homework and reading before they could go out to play. But later, Ben realized that he could transport himself out of Detroit by reading a book. Through this, Ben began to see value in himself and then continued to add value to himself. And the rest is history.  He had a childhood dream of becoming a doctor. He not only became a doctor, but a world renown and very gifted neurosurgeon. He has added tremendous value to others. 

Zig Ziglar, a motivational speaker, says “It’s impossible to consistently behave in a manner inconsistent with how we see ourselves.” We can do very few things in a positive way if we feel negative about ourselves. Low self-esteem is the lid on our potential. Your self-esteem deficiency will put limits on you.

 Steps to Build your Self-image

1. Guard your self-talk. Whether you know it or not, you have a running conversation with yourself all day long. AND WE LISTEN TO OURSELVES. Not only that, but I am sure that there are some limiting beliefs that were given to you accidentally that talk to you, as well. We can’t change the way we think about ourselves until we change the way we talk to ourselves. What we say about ourselves, we tend to believe. What we believe, we tend to act. What we act, we tend to become.  No world record was ever set by anyone who said “I can’t do this.”
 

The damage that we do to ourselves with our self talk is way worse than what others say to us.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others.  You do either of two things when you compare yourself to others. Either you perceive the other person to be far better, thinner, handsomer smarter than you and become discouraged, or you perceive yourself better than others and become proud.

3. Move beyond your limiting beliefs. 
•    Take some time (right now) to identify a belief that limits you. (if you need help with this, let me know.)
•    Determine how the belief limits you.
•    Decide how you want to act, feel, or be instead of that belief.
•    Create a new turnaround statement that gives you permission to be this way. Read it daily. 
4.  Add value to others. It’s hard to feel bad about yourself when you’re serving others.

5. Practice a small discipline daily in a specific area of your life. Since your self-worth is based on the positive habits, actions and decisions you practice every day, why not chip away at your biggest problems daily.

What can you do every day that moves you closer to being the person you want to become?  Do the right thing, even if it’s hard.

Take a couple of minutes and write one thing that you are going to implement this week to grow your self-esteem positively.

Then celebrate the victories, no matter how small.

Stand tall! There isn’t anyone else like you! 

Jan 

Jan McDonald 
The John Maxwell Team

(this information came from John C.  Maxwell, The Law of the Mirror)

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In my travels this week, I have learned that many of us are not totally experiencing the freedom that we desire.  We’re walking around happily on the outside, but dragging an invisible Ball And Chain (BAC) that is holding us back. Whatever is holding us back owns us. 

The definition of the word “own” is to possess;
belonging to oneself or itself;
to have power or mastery over; 
to acknowedge as to be true, valid or as claimed. 

In “The15 Invaluable Laws of Growth,” John Maxwell shares that stuff can own us. As a culture, many have become “enslaved by the desire to acquire.”  It’s one of the reasons why we live month to month. We have bought so much on credit, that before we pay it off, that item is out of style or not working anymore.  We never end up owning the stuff, it owns us. The credit card debt becomes a ball and chain. Many buy this stuff to keep up with the Joneses, or to fill an emotional or spiritual void in their lives. Retail therapy used to be one of my drugs of choice until I met Dave Ramsey.  

Another BAC that owns people is the fear of what other people think. I felt this personally (I know! Who woulda thought that?) when I felt resistence to becoming involved in a small group. What was the resistance I was feeling?  What was I afraid of?  I sat in those questions for a couple of days so I could answer them.  I came to the conclusion that I was struggling with my own worthiness because I was not “The CEO” anymore. What was my value that I didn’t have that title? What did people think of me?  And the big one, did I really want to be transparent about my feelings of inadequacy? I mean, really, how was that going to look on this confident, powerful persona? (Smiley face here.)

Which brings me to another BAC that I have found many are owned by–limiting beliefs. Like mine above. That limiting belief made me want to hide my God-given talents and gifts to protect myself from my PERCEIVED rejection of others.  That’s what I like to call MSU–making stuff up, or making stories up.  We make up our own stories to protect ourselves from failure or pain and they hold us back from freely sharing  our brilliance and strengths. These beliefs own us and keep us stuck. What’s interesting is that many times we aren’t even aware that we are holding back! 

Here’s the last ball and chain for this email–I’m sure there are more. We actually accept the lousy stuff that other people say or we think they say about us, as truth. Unless it’s your wife–husbands never believe their wives. Ask  Dennis. We give this BS (Belief System) our full attention rather than focus on what’s true and really fabulous about us.  

What’s true about you (and the rest of us) is that you were created perfectly in the the image of The Creator. He thought long and hard about you. He gave you special gifts and talents for you to bestow generously onto others. There is a purpose for you on this earth that nobody else can fulfill. It’s been scientifically proven that nobody else has your DNA. Go ahead and own this paragraph!

We’ve given the BAC keys to the stuff, the beliefs and the people that we allow to imprison us. How do we get the keys back to unshackle ourselves?  The next time you feel resistence, fear, doubt or “not enough,”  ask yourself why you feel that way. Stay in the question until you find the answer. Trust me, you’ll find the answer. That awareness will allow you to take steps to re-focus your attention on your truth. It’s the truth that sets you free. 

Need help?  I’m just a phone call away. 

Growing right along with you,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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That has to be one of my favorite quotes these last 18 months–along with the one that says we can make lemonade out of the lemons that we are given. 2020 was definitely the year of the lemon. Living on the other side of “yes,” believing and creating solutions for challenges that I thought were impossible, resulted in some sweet lemonade. Okay, not always, but thinking creatively prevented negative thinking. 

When you get this email, I’ll be with my kids and grandkids, probably boating, hiking and just generally enjoying their company. I thought you would enjoy this story while I’m gone: 

In a small Italian town, hundreds of years ago, a small business owner owed a large sum of money to a loan-shark. The loan-shark was a very old, unattractive looking guy that just so happened to fancy the business owner’s daughter. He decided to offer the businessman a deal that would completely wipe out the debt he owed him. However, the catch was that he would only wipe out the debt if he could marry the businessman’s daughter. Needless to say, this proposal was met with a look of disgust.

The loan-shark said that he would place two pebbles into a bag, one white and one black. The daughter would then have to reach into the bag and pick out a pebble. If it was black, the debt would be wiped, but the loan-shark would then marry her. If it was white, the debt would also be wiped, but the daughter wouldn’t have to marry the loan-shark.

Standing on a pebble-strewn path in the businessman’s garden, the loan-shark bent over and picked up two pebbles. While he was picking them up, the daughter noticed that he’d picked up two black pebbles and placed them both into the bag. He then asked the daughter to reach into the bag and pick one.

The daughter naturally had three choices as to what she could have done:

1. Refuse to pick a pebble from the bag.
2. Take both pebbles out of the bag and expose the loan-shark for cheating.
3. Pick a pebble from the bag full well knowing it was black and sacrifice herself for her father’s freedom.
She drew out a pebble from the bag, and before looking at it ‘accidentally’ dropped it into the midst of the other pebbles. She said to the loan-shark;
 

“Oh, how clumsy of me. Never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.”

The pebble left in the bag is obviously black, and seeing as the loan-shark didn’t want to be exposed, he had to play along as if the pebble the daughter dropped was white, and clear her father’s debt. 

It’s always possible to overcome a tough situation through out of the box thinking, and not giving in to the only options you think you have to pick from.   

Enjoying vacation!

Jan 

Jan McDonald 
The John Maxwell Team

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In college, we can audit a course. We pay less money for the advantage to sit in on the course,  and we aren’t required to do the homework. We get to listen and learn what we desire, but we don’t get any credit for the course.  When we audit a class, we don’t have to worry about failing, either.  I wonder how many people simply live their lives like auditing a college class?  We get these great ideas, have dreams and goals and fail to take action. We don’t follow through and get to see the great results of our fullest potential.  Or we get swayed off course by other’s opinions or by circumstances in life. 

I did that for awhile…I graduated from college with the desire to be a teacher. I got sidetracked and ended up in the restaurant business–that was such good, easy money! I knew there was something missing–there had to be more than cocktailing, but I got comfortable and it was fun. I was good at it and couldn’t fail.  I was living life by default rather than by design.  

Later on in life (and I’ll spare you all the details,) I stopped meandering through life, took a deep and earnest look at the direction I was going. and began to listen to my heart. That caused me to do a life audit.  I knew I needed to make some changes.  Those changes eventually led me to where I am now–which is living a life that I am designing and it’s a life that brings me much joy!

Simply put, a life audit is when you take a long, detailed, and honest look at various areas in your life to assess which are and aren’t helping you live to your highest potential. We just take stock of anything that is taking up time, space, mental and physical energy in our lives. When carried out correctly, honestly, and steadily, life audits can be incredibly empowering and inspiring.  

Many of my coaching clients have noticed improvements in their life beyond the areas on which they focused their attention in their life audit. For example, by making positive changes in their diet,  wortheir work-life improved. Making a change in their relationship also  improved their
environment- it can be quite powerful!

Are you passively accepting what is showing up in your life?  It’s all too easy to forget that YOU are the one that’s truly in charge and that if you don’t like something you have the power to change it. 

This Saturday, May 15, at 10:00 a.m. Pacific Time, I am facilitating a webinar that will lead you through a life audit. If your life is not progressing the way you would like, or if you feel like something more might be missing, I hope you’ll join me, I’d love to be your guide.

Register here:  https://janmcdonald.leadingthebest.com/WHLA0001

Designing my life, 

Jan 

Jan McDonald 
The John Maxwell Team

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We can’t take an action without thinking about it or having the idea first. That’s a great thing when we are tempted to do something that will negatively impact others or ourselves. When I sobered up…the first time…all I could think was “Just don’t drink.” That idea was constantly on my mind. I constantly thought about what I couldn’t have. Those thoughts about drinking, even though I knew I shouldn’t, took root. and I was back out there drinking again. Like Eve in the Garden of Eden. Of all the lucious fruit she could choose, she obsessed over the one fruit that she wasn’t supposed to have…and she ate it. I think it was Les Brown who said, “Where your focus goes, there your energy flows.” 

My suggestion to those struggling with alcohol or drugs is to not even entertain the thought. Put it out of your mind. Get an idea and picture of the person that you want to become. Put that image in your mind and think about that instead. That idea, that image that you hold in your mind is the one you move toward, and thoughts of alcohol evaporate. The less we use neuropathways, those habits we have formed in our mind, the weaker they become, until they become like the old Highway 1 on the Oregon Coast. You can still see portions of it, but it is covered with weeds, vegetation and cracks. It is unusable. 

What about those clever ideas that pop up in our minds?  My mom had this great idea for cloth diapers that had ties on them, thereby removing the need for pins. WOW! I look back to former days, all the pin pricks and stress about pricking my babies while changing a diaper. What a helpful invention that would have been.  Mom never did anything with that fabulous idea.  Some time later,  a Westport housewife named Marion Donovan invented the “Boater,”  a waterproof covering for cloth diapers.  Marion was granted 4 patents, one included the use of plastic snaps that replaced those nasty old safety pins.  What if Mom had taken action on her idea?   

What great ideas have you had that you just dismissed with, “Oh, that’ll never happen,”  or “that’s impossible?”  Then you put that insightful idea out of your mind, rather than entertain the possibility.  Maybe your idea might not work, or it might fail?  In 1968, Dr. Spencer Silver, a chemist at 3M Company was trying to invent a super-strong adhesive that would stick multiple things together. His “epic fail” turned out to be Post-It notes!   

What is the value of one idea? 

My challenge to you this week is to take captive your brilliant thoughts and ideas that come to mind and write them down. Get a little black book, keep it with you, and when you get those crazy ideas, write them down and entertain them.  Who knows, maybe, just maybe, one of those ideas could be life-changing. 

On the other hand, what thoughts or ideas have turned into negative habit super-highways? You would rather them look like old Highway 1.  I have a great question for you to ask yourself when those defeating thoughts pop up, “Who would I like to be in this moment?” Think on that idea and image and you will move toward that, instead. 

Make it a great week!

 Jan 

Jan McDonald 
The John Maxwell Team

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We know there are some things that we cannot change. I used to be frustrated with the fact that I was short. I couldn’t get into the scary rides at carnivals when I was younger. I certainly couldn’t get into some of the movies that I wanted to see because I was so little for so long.  AND most of the time I was the last one to be chosen on a team in grade school at recess because I was so tiny. 

My mom gave me a great attitude change about that, though.  She used to always tell me that good things came in packages…powerful things like TNT and nitro-glycerin. I came to believe that was true. 

What can be changed in order for us to grow and thrive is our environment. John C. Maxwell says in his book, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, growth thrives in conducive surroundings. If we are not in a good environment, we have some choices; we can change the current environment we’re in, we can change ourselves, or we can leave the environment.

Personal growth doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Both the place that we’re located and the people with whom we are associated influence our attitude.  At different stages of life, different surroundings are suitable to our development and we must put ourselves in a position to thrive. If we are working from home, we need to get creative! Growth environments depend on us. We can’t depend on someone else to do it.
 
John listed what a growth environment might be like:

1. Others are ahead of me.  There are others that are further down the journey of growth than we are and we can learn from them. Nobody grows alone.

2. I am continually challenged. A boring job is not going to make us want to grow.

3. My focus is forward. We need to remember that the past ended yesterday and that we get to make today better.

4. The atmosphere is affirming. When positive encouraging attitudes are modeled for us, it gives us the strength to stretch and attempt more.

5. I am often out of my comfort zone. Nothing grows inside our comfort zone. Being outside of it is exhilarating. (Okay, most of the time.:)

6. I wake up excited. Our environment and vocation are generally enjoyable so it is a joy to go to work.

7. Failure is my friend. Failure is a growth opportunity, so we need not fear it. A growth environment gives us permission to make mistakes, admit them and learn from them.

8. Others are growing.  It is exciting to be in an environment where others are thriving and reaching for their full potential.

9. People desire change. (I’m not sure I totally agree with this one:)  In a growth environment change is not resisted, it is embraced and celebrated. (Eventually…hmmmm…I may need some growth here.)

10. Growth is modeled and expected. This is my favorite part about being a leader, because “people do what people see.”  If I am willing to grow, admit and learn from my mistakes, those I lead absorb those same characteristics. It is my responsibility to create a positive growth environment for others.

Let’s check our environment against that list. Maxwell says that if we answer false to five or more of those statements, our current environment may be hampering our growth.  If so, we need to choose whether we change or improve our environment to reach our potential. 

Thriving!

Jan 

Jan McDonald 
The John Maxwell Team

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I was reading a devotional this morning on a Bible chapter, Titus 2.  The apostle Paul was instructing Titus on essential guidelines to teach to leave a godly legacy for future generations.  Paul wrote a list of character traits for the older generation to model to the younger generation.  Some of those traits listed were; discipline, kindness, be worthy of respect, hard-working and caring. 

This Bible teaching  reminded me of John Maxwell’s Law of the Picture. The summary statement for that Law is “people do what people see.”

Studies show that the brain learns best what is modeled. The behaviors that your children see day after day is what they assimilate…they just soak it up. It’s like learning a language. If you put a child in a Spanish speaking home, they pick up Spanish as their language. Take that same child and raise him in a German speaking home, what language do they learn?  Of course, German.

Some studies about welfare recipients have also shown that more than 30% of them are second generation receivers. Why? Because that is what has been modeled for them.

In my own life, three out of four siblings in my family became alcohol dependent.  I personally believe the reason behind that is because that behavior was modeled for us. What proves that to me is that my older sister is the one who is “normal.” (Which is a relative term in our family. My brother likes to say that our family puts the “fun” in dysfunctional.)  My father’s drinking didn’t turn habitual until after my sister left for college. Being 10 years older than the rest of us, my sister didn’t experience his alcoholism like the rest of us did.

As leaders, what characteristics do we desire in those that follow us?  I remember that I wanted my staff to be honest, hard-working, compassionate, solution-oriented, prompt, and I wanted them to serve one another. I also wanted them to gently address and to be caring during conflict resolution. I didn’t want those who supervise to lord their positions over their followers, but I desired them to  lead with a servant’s heart. I wanted all of my staff to pursue excellence when working.

The first question I had to ask myself after writing that list is; “Do I have those same characteristics?”  If not, I needed to get busy growing and changing to be able to exemplify those same character traits. Without those, would someone even want to follow me?    

It would be great if leadership functioned by this axiom “do as I say…not as I do,” but that’s not the way it is. I can talk the walk until the cows come home, but I need to walk the talk before I can expect the results and behaviors that I prefer in those that follow me. It’s always easier to teach what’s right than to do what’s right.  Followers are always watching the leader, just like children are always watching their parents.

To be a successful leader, the first person that I need to lead is me.

Still working on the walk,

Jan

I remember when I was younger and I only had my brother’s bike to ride when he wasn’t using it. It was ugly, too. It was old and scratched.  My friends in my neighborhood all had their own bikes and they were much nicer than my brother’s. I can remember saying, “Wow, I’ll be happy when I get my new bike.” 

I got that new bike. It was a pink and white, 26-inch Schwinn, and my parents had put those plastic streamers in the handle bars. OMGoodness! I had arrived! I was so happy…for awhile. Junior High school came and happiness wasn’t about riding a bike anymore. This was a new school and I sure would be happy if I could make a bunch of friends. After about one month, Janis Barnett became my best friend, and her friends became mine. I was estatic. Soon, that wasn’t enough. Oh, if I could become a cheerleader…oh, if I had a steady boyfriend…oh…you fill in the blank. We can do this to death and never enjoy our lives…or is it just me?

I have found my passion and I love my life! Sometimes, I still find myself yearning for the destination rather than feeling blessed in the moment. It steals the joy right out of my life. I found myself really busy a couple weeks ago. I had one leadership workshop, two speaking engagements, a coaching client and was planning an upcoming retreat. I found myself thinking, “If I can just make it to the weekend. Once I get all those events over with, I can relax (be back in my comfort zone.”) 

WHAT WAS I THINKING? I wondered why I felt this way. I was prepared for everything on my schedule. I knew what I was going to say, how I was going to facilitate the workshop and I had practiced. 

Two thoughts came to mind. I worried that I wasn’t enough and I was “what iffing.”  What if they don’t like what I say? What if they don’t have fun? What if they don’t like me? What if they don’t want to change after hearing my teachings?  It’s was the fear of criticism. I’m smiling as I write this. I don’t need anyone else to criticize me–I do a great job myself, thank you. 
 

“Happiness is a bully in the schoolyard of life. It draws the line and then moves the goalposts over and over again.”   Bridgett Krause

The cure for this B.S (belief system–this is a G-rated email) is to walk right into the face of those negative thoughts. Give them a hug. Thank them for showing up and tell them that you don’t need them anymore. Tell them good-bye and then focus on what you are doing at that moment. Plan and do your best and don’t be attached to the outcome. Most of the time we can’t control the outcome anyway. 

A couple more things that we can do, if moving the goalpost back to the present moment is difficult. Count our blessings.  I find it very hard to be sincerely grateful and think negative thoughts at the same time.  Of course, because our minds can only focus on one thought at a time. 

What is it that you want that you’ll only be happy when you get it?  Happiness can’t be a destination. If it is, you rob yourself of the joy of living. 

Facing my negative B.S.,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team
 

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