How many times have you been asked to do something you’ve never done before?  I know that stepping out of our comfort zone can be…well…terrifying. Okay, maybe not that bad, but the places that we go in our heads can be.  We often wonder, “What if I don’t do well?” “What if I fail?” “What if I really can’t do it?” “What if I look stupid?”  And “geesh, maybe you should have thought about this more and who are you to do this I mean there’s no way you’ll succeed…blah, blah, blah.”  

I have learned to change my thinking to,  “What if I nail it?”  “What if it’s an epic success?” “What if I’m the exact person for that task?” 

Well, here’s a different way to think about it. “What ifs” are not truth. Negative what ifs are just statements that our brain makes up to keep us in our comfort zone. “What ifs” are thoughts to keep us from getting hurt. We bump up against limitations that we have created in our minds.

Those self-created limitations are called the Terror Barrier.  The Terror Barrier lurks just outside the comfort zone waiting to pounce. It’s that feeling of dread or the certainty that we are doomed if we try the thing we want to attempt.  It’s that feeling a man gets when he wants to ask a woman out on a date.  It’s that feeling that we get when the boss calls us into his/her office. It’s that feeling most people get when they are asked to speak publicly.  It’s that feeling we get whenever we want to try something risky or new.
 

Here’s 3 steps to becoming a wrecking ball on your personal Terror Barrier:

1. Do it afraid. Just keep moving forward no matter how badly your feet want to stay rooted to the ground.  Refuse to let this limitation (that probably was your own creation) to control you or your future.

2.  Expect the enemy. The Terror Barrier rears its ugly head every time we want to step into territory where we haven’t previously traveled. It’s natural and normal. Simply shrug and tell yourself, “Oh, there you are again. You’re trying to keep me safe. This must mean something great for me if you are trying to stop me.”

3. Keep your eyes on the prize.  Mentally see yourself winning. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”  Focus on how good it will feel to break through–victory tastes sooooo sweet.

I think we have no idea what we are truly capable of. Today, when you are faced with the Terror Barrier, take the above 3 steps. You can do it. Smashing through that barrier is possible and remember, once you stretch that comfort zone, it never goes back to the original smaller shape.

Go and grow…BIGTIME!

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

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I guess this all depends on the way we look at the problem. Problems are normally viewed as negative, but if we change our attitudes and view problems as possibilities and/or opportunities, everything changes. If we can weaken emotional responses, stay calm and keep our eyes open to solutions, we don’t stifle our creativity. 

Here’s a story for you on creative problem solving: 

An old gentleman lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

“Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa”

A few days later he received a letter from his son:  “Dear Papa, don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie”

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son: “Dear Papa, go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie.”

Now THAT is creative problem solving!

Smiling,

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Team

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This is so true, isn’t it? Our enemy is attempting to wear us out. When we think on all of the things that are going on in our world today, it can erode our joy, our hope, and even steal our peace.

When we are worn down, we are even more vulnerable to satan’s (no, his name doesn’t deserve capitalization) attacks. Those subtle thoughts can enter:

“God isn’t listening.”

“He doesn’t care.”

“Where is He in all of this?”

“If God is so good, why do bad things happen?”

satan causes desolation, barrenness, hopelessness and our hearts can feel empty in times like these.  Many times, we don’t recognize why we feel this way. 

“Feel” is the operative word. When our feelings are especially intense, they can make us believe things that aren’t actually true. When we get caught up in the wave of emotion, our thinking gets distorted, and we have a hard time staying grounded in the facts of the situation. This is why it’s really important to evaluate your feelings using some clear reasoning and self-awareness.

Our hearts may “feel” empty, but the Holy Spirit lives there, so our hearts can overflow with His power and goodness. We need to let go of everyone and everything in world mentally for a minute, so we can feel the fullness within. 

Where is your happy place? Stop what you’re doing and go back in your memory–where were you when you experienced that inexpressible joy and wonder in Jesus? Go to that place in your mind.  Feel that? Our happy place can replace our negative feelings. 

The one that comes to my mind often these days, is swimming with the turtles when I was in Maui in 2020. With the sun streaming down through the water, it was quiet, beautiful and awe inspiring. My heart was filled with God’s presence.  A sense of peace flooded my being. It was like the outside world didn’t exist. My soul felt restored. 

𝑮𝒐 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆. 𝑶𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒏. Give God your anxieties and ask Him to fill your empty heart. Then be still…and know…

God makes an oasis in our deserts. This is what it true:

Isaiah 41:17-20 “When the poor and needy seek water,
and there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst,
I the Lord will answer them; I the God of Israel will not forsake them.

18 I will open rivers on the bare heights,
and fountains in the midst of the valleys.
I will make the wilderness a pool of water,
and the dry land springs of water.

19 I will put in the wilderness the cedar,
the acacia, the myrtle, and the olive.
I will set in the desert the cypress,
the plane and the pine together,

20 that they may see and know,
may consider and understand together,
that the hand of the Lord has done this,
the Holy One of Israel has created it.”

He’s waiting for you in your happy place. He wants to restore your weary soul.

In 2 Cor. 10:4 Paul refers to strongholds in the Passion Translation as “defenses behind which people hide.”

Strongholds can be good. In ancient times, strongholds were usually fortresses designed to resist attacks from enemies. They were often located on a hill or a rocky outcropping where an enemy approach could be seen from afar, so the city could attack first and potentially fend them off.

There are many verses in the Bible that talk about the Lord being our stronghold:

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Psm. 9.9
The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. Prov. 18.10
You are my rock and my fortress, Psm. 31.3
For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. Psm. 61.3

This is good.  When we feel oppressed, we can run to Him for safety, protection and refuge.

However, there’s another kind of stronghold. I looked up the definition of stronghold and it reads: faulty thinking based on lies and deception. These kind of strongholds cause us to think in ways which block us from God’s best for us.
 

“Spiritual strongholds begin with a thought. One thought becomes a consideration. A consideration develops into an attitude, which leads then to action. Action repeated becomes a habit, and a habit establishes a ‘power base for the enemy,’ that is, a stronghold.”
                                                                                                                           Elizabeth Elliot

Ouch. My past drinking habits were a stronghold. When trying to hide from my anxieties surrounding all the unknowns in 2020, food and exercise became a “power base for the enemy.”  (Geesh, I typed that out loud. I hate to admit it.) Did they work? Did they bring me comfort and banish the anxiety? Momentarily…but because I just hid those thoughts and feelings, they returned…soon.  

Comfort zones may be strongholds–they keep us safe. Thoughts like “I’m too old”, ”there’s no way I could do that,” “I’ve tried every diet and none of them work, so I’m just giving up,” “The last time I loved someone, I was hurt…I’m not doing that again.” Or my favorite, “that’s just the way I am, I can’t change.” 

These all keep us safe and hidden in our own fortress of sameness and maybe keep us out of sight from God’s best for us. The strongholds that we hold in our minds can prevent the supply of the Holy Spirit’s Power from getting to us. It can cut off our communications, not only with God but with others. 

How do we overcome?

2 Cor. 10:4  tells us that our spiritual weapons are energized with divine power to effectively dismantle the defenses behind which people hide. We can demolish every deceptive fantasy that opposes God and BREAKTHROUGH every arrogant attitude that is raised up in defiance of the true knowledge of God. (That makes me feel 10 feet tall and bullet proof!)

Identify the particular stronghold that you are thinking about now. I’m smiling, because I believe you’re thinking about one area/habit that you’d like to change. 

If you don’t know or aren’t able to identify a fortress where you like to hide–there is a feeling that accompanies a stronghold. It could be hurt, anger, anxiety or pride.  Those are just the ones that come to mind now. (Keep in mind, I’m not a Bible scholar, either.) It’s a feeling of unease because the feeling/thought is “raised up in defiance of the true knowledge of God.”

1. Now that you have identified the feeling, what is the attitude and the action that you want to take?

2. TAKE THE THOUGHT CAPTIVE AND MARCH IT RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

3. Run to The Lord for comfort from the accompanying feeling. Replace it with thoughts and Scripture about how you would like to show up in that moment instead.

4. Then take THAT action. Be who you desire to be. It’s in that faith move that the superabundance of power comes.

This takes practice, but it does work. I have experienced freedom–and am still practicing these steps as new fortresses get discovered. Growth is a process. Let me know if I can help!

And all of a sudden, it’s the second week in June! What the heck happened to the first half of this year?  Summer’s here, although you wouldn’t know it with the current eastside Washington state weather. However, distractions abound. 

I find it very easy to go to Mac’s Nursery and get tons of plants to make my yard gorgeous. Gardening is my valium so it makes me feel better, too. When the weather is gorgeous, I’m outdoors. Of course, there are the NBA championships…I can find a number of things that take me away from work even though I love what I do.

How about you? Are you well on your way to reaching the goals that you set for 2022?  Yeah, I’m writing this because I needed a little check up myself.

Yes, we need to slow down and relax, reflect…do the things that we love besides our work.  I realized that I needed to come up with more strategies to prioritize my goals and dreams, because I want them. 

Here is a strategy (I learned this from a coaching mentor)  that I have been using to coach individuals striving to reach goals or dreams. 

1. It’s January 2023. Close your eyes and imagine a wildly successful 2022.  What has happened? How is your life better or different? Who are you impacting? 

Why this statement and corresponding questions?  Vision literally lights up our brains and causes a positive emotional state. If we don’t have  a vision to shoot for, our subconscious will do the same things we’ve always done. I am assuming that your goal or dream is going to take some change. Change is hard. Our minds like to keep everything status quo. A vision will pull us forward.

2. Where are you stuck?  When it’s time for you to step up, do something out of your comfort zone and you don’t do it? Go to that place in your mind and ask what is holding you back?  People often stop at their fear…what are you afraid of?  Face that fear. You can, you know.  The answers to #1 will help you do just that.

3. How do you want to show up in the above situation? Once you know and face what’s holding you back, you can devise a strategy to push forward toward your goals.

4. Do the “Best Possible Future Self Exercise.” THIS is my favorite. Write what your life will look like “as if” you are already your best future self.  What do you feel like?  What do you do and/or have? Who have you become?  Writing is really powerful. It lowers our stress level and provides us clarity.  When you write that down, you’ll receive some revelations that go with your vision AND strategies to help you with where you are stuck. This will help you “advance confidently in the direction of your dreams”–your different tomorrow. 

It’s June, and before we know it, Christmas will be here.  I want us to be able to finish well. I don’t want us to get to New Year’s Eve and not be any closer to the different tomorrow we may desire.

If you need help with this, I’m just an email away. 

I believe in you,

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

I’m waiting for a tow truck. I was so excited to help Friends of Badger Mountain maintain the trail today. I got my garden gloves, made a yummy turkey wrap, filled my water bottle with electrolytes, packed that and some chocolate into my backpack. I put on my hiking boots, went out to my car, put in the key in the ignition and the key wouldn’t turn. Oh no, not again! )The picture above is my car being towed in May 2020 because it needed a new ignition then.) 

I tried everything I knew how–jiggling the key, trying to turn the steering wheel–everything they told me on YouTube. I even prayed over it (yes, prayer has worked before.) Nothing.

Crap. Now what? 

I sat paralyzed for awhile, feeling the “why me, why today” sorry-for- myself-self-pity. I wanted to cry. 

Then I reminded myself that I teach this; I may not be able to control what happens to me, but I can control my response. I needed walk my talk.

I googled an auto repair shop. One had 7 five star reviews and I called them. They gave me the number for a tow truck and now I’m waiting.

It’s funny, (or maybe not) I didn’t know what to write about today. Here’s some steps for you should you ever need to wait for a tow truck…or something else unexpected happens to you: 

1. Take a deep breath, drop your shoulders and relax. We can’t think straight when we’re stressed. 

2. Laugh about it and maybe do some eye-rolling when you’ve done everything you can do to remedy the situation.  

3. Have a picnic. I had to do something with my turkey wrap, drink and chocolate. I went out to my back porch and feasted. 

4. Do something productive, rather than sit and stew. Not only am I writing, but I’m doing some laundry. 

5. If you are a person of faith, pray. I’m praying for the most inexpensive outcome and that they can fix it today. 

Same day car update: The tow truck driver was able to get it to start by viciously yanking on my steering wheel. After paying him a huge roadside assistance fee, I drove my car to Advanced Auto in Pasco. They had my car in the shop for about 45 minutes. The tech came out, explained to me why ignition keys won’t turn sometimes. He then told me in detail how to prevent that from happening again. My ignition looks great and so does the key. He added some graphite to make it work more smoothly. 

When I asked how much I owed them, he replied, “No charge. It was nothing.” I cried happy tears. AND step #5 works. 

Joyfully typed,

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

Last night, I was talking to my forever best girlfriend, Darcy. We have known each other since before I sobered up–more than 30 years. It’s been 6 months (seems like forever) since we’ve been together and it made me think of our last visit…

We shared many great memories and yet, there were many things that we both wish we would have paid more attention to. We both wished we would have gotten to know our parents more. We now have questions that we wish we would’ve asked. There were opportunities that we didn’t recognize that went unnoticed.  Risks we could’ve taken might have been life-changing.  Maybe we didn’t slow our lives down often enough to really enjoy them.

Barbara Bush compared life to a train, to emphasize how today does matter:

“We get on that train at birth, and we want to cross the continent because we have in mind that somewhere out there is a station. We pass by sleepy little towns looking out the window of life’s train, grain fields and silos, level grade crossings, buses full of people on the roads beside us. We pass by cities and factories, but we don’t look at any of it because we want to get to the station…This station changes for us during life. To begin with, for most of us, it’s turning 18, getting out of high school. Then the station is that first promotion and then the station becomes getting the kids out of college, and then the station becomes retirement and then…all too late we recognize the truth–that this side of that city, whose builder is God, there really isn’t a station. The joy is in the journey and the journey is the joy. Sooner or later, you realize there is not a station and the truth of life is the trip. Read a book, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, hug a child, go fishing, laugh more. The station will come soon enough. And as you go, find a way to make life more beautiful.”

Darcy and I  had Butterfinger ice cream cones and pumpkin spice donut holes for dinner one night. We watched old sitcoms, relived the fun parts of our lives and laughed hard and long. We shed a few tears, as well.  We decided that whatever regrets we did have, we were blessed in spite of them. Go figure.

In our quiet time the next morning, Darcy read a Bible verse that she had read twice from different sources, “Behold, I am doing a new thing, do you not perceive it?” (Isaiah 43:19)

“What do you think God has in store for us?” she wondered out loud.  We both agreed that we would wait and watch the “new thing” unfold. We would know the “new thing” when it was revealed to us. In the meantime, we are going to enjoy the journey, because each day does matter. 

Enjoying the journey,

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/janmcdonald

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It’s been four years since I transitioned from non-profit leadership to my own business. The “Pass the Torch” ceremony, the celebration of my transition, was a memory on Facebook and started me reminiscing.

In 2014, I noticed a restlessness in my soul and I sensed that God was calling me out of non-profit to some bigger things. I didn’t know what those bigger things might be, and God never gives me the 25-year plan–it’s one step at a time. As a recovering, and sometimes relapsed, control freak, this was very disconcerting.  

As I stumbled my way to our new vision (God’s and mine,) I thought I could maybe stay at the non-profit part-time. I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea or not, or if they would even let me. 

So I hired a coach and shared all my thoughts with him. At the end of our call,  he said to me, “May I give you some of my thoughts?” Of course, that’s what I’m paying you for.

“Sometimes, when you have poured your life and soul into something for a long time, keeping one foot in hinders you from moving forward into God’s full potential for you,” he shared.  Then he said something like this: 

See, we try keep things the way they are and make this new thing fit. It will not fit into our current puzzle. It is a piece to a completely different puzzle. Put the current puzzle back in the box and create a new one. You’ve changed, Jan, and it’s impossible to change one area of your life without ripples into other areas. Relationships, thinking, habits, who we spend time with, and perceptions, all have changed. You’ve been building a new puzzle from a new vision. 

This new vision is not your idea…you just became aware of it. The vision and calling chose you. It came from God.

There is an unexpressed possibility that wanted to come through you and with you. “Hey, grow!” is being whispered within. It was divinely inspired.

So you need to let go of some things to make the new puzzle pieces fit. Give up to go up. You’re going to have to live in harmony with the Law of Sacrifice. Give up things of a lesser value for things of a higher value. It’s not about trading. It’s about defining what is of highest value and what is lower value. The moment you define those things, the lesser will fall away.

He was so wise. When I hung up the phone with my coach, I knew my next steps:

1. Finish well. My coach was right. I needed to put things in order so that I could leave a legacy–so that my transition all the way out was seamless.

2. I began to focus on what I could control. I created a business plan that would allow me to save extra money for my transition. My vision pulled me forward. 

3. I developed a more intimate relationship with God because He knew my future and the path I would take. I didn’t have a clue…yet. My prayer and listening to Him were deepened.

4. When the time was right for everyone concerned, and I got God approval, I jumped. That was the scary part because I felt like I didn’t have all the pieces to the new puzzle. BUT, I had the box top (my preferred vision,) so I knew what the completed puzzle looked like. 

This is the shortened version of my transition journey. I went from one calling I loved into another. I love my life.

If you want more details or need help transitioning, please call me. I’d love to help you jump!

Loving life, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

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Don’t you just wish life was easier, with less challenges and obstacles? Yeah, me, too…but without challenges, life becomes stagnant and we stop growing. Most of my growth and wisdom is the result of problems. Challenges help us uncover who we are and it allows us to become better people. 

Let’s examine a very simple 4-step method to overcoming challenges.

First, state the problem clearly.  When we are faced with challenges, we tend to avoid the issue and run the other way. We  bury our heads in the sand hoping it goes away.  Or we may say – ok, there is an obstacle. Instead of heading right to it and plowing through, I am going to look for another path even though that is not the way I want to go. That way looks easier… less headache… but rarely does that work out. When we avoid or go out of our way, we cause more headache in the end. It takes more of our time and energy and we don’t get the end result for which we are looking. 

Take some time to understand what your challenge is.  Ask yourself some questions, what is asked of me, what am I supposed to learn, what is the goal on the other side of this problem? Write this down on paper.

Second, identify what you have at your disposal – what resources are available to you to work through this challenge? List all of these resources.  These should include things such as tangible assets – money, computer, books, etc.  And then what skills you have, what are your strengths to work through this?  Don’t forget other people–who do you know that can help you? 

Third, design the strategy to overcome this challenge.  Utilize all your assets to create a plan of action.  You may not get it right the first time. That’s okay. Each time you tweak the strategy, you found a way that didn’t work!  Keep at it. 

Lastly, execute the strategy with effort and determination.  Do your very best with all you have to overcome your challenge. 

If you find that you still cannot overcome a challenge, then re-evaluate. Maybe your strategy won’t work because it isn’t viable or effective.  Change it. If your strategy doesn’t work because you didn’t execute it well enough, be persistent and tweak your efforts, giving it more.  

Practice this method on small challenges and see how easy it is to overcome. Then try it on the big rocks!  

Overcoming, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

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The topic of self-care has come up again recently…and often.  A couple of my coaching clients have been struggling with overwhelm and our Life Group talked about it last week. Many heads nodded “yes” when I asked my networking group if they felt they needed some self-care.

I hiked Badger on Wednesday and about one fourth of the way up, my normal speed (warp) wasn’t cutting it. I couldn’t catch my breath. I slowed my pace and thought about my schedule. My body hadn’t had a day off in a couple weeks. My hobbies of weight-lifting, Pickleball and Badger-hiking had been in high gear. No wonder. Couple that with the other things in my schedule…oops, it’s time to walk my talk.

In about two hours, I am headed out of town for a retreat. There won’t be any cell service or internet. Gulp! There’s no gym, no mountains to climb…just rest, relaxation and other Christian women. There will be time to reflect and just generally let me catch up with me…and my Spirit. I’m so ready. 

If we lead or manage people, we spend all day serving others. Many small business owners and entrepreneurs are striving to keep their businesses running and profitable, as well.  This doesn’t include the children that need nurture and the families that need us. 

My question to you is–when do you care for you?  What is your self-care strategy?  When do you refuel and pour back into you?

How can we give others our best selves when our best selves have already been given out? 

You can’t give what you don’t have. 

We all remember what the airline stewardess tells us to do in case of emergency. If the oxygen masks come down, we need to put the mask on ourselves first.

We need to fill our energy tanks first. Operating from an energy deficiency isn’t healthy and may lead to anxiety, depression, hopelessness and fatigue. 

How can we refuel and refresh ourselves? Here are some ideas for self-care:

• Take a walk–just get out into nature.
• Take a bubble bath (yes, guys can do this, too.)
• Talk with a friend.
• Go on a weekend retreat:)
• What brings you joy? Do that.
• Practice gratitude

I am sure that you can think of other ways that would reinvigorate and fortify you. Personally, my daily, morning quiet time refreshes me, but sometimes, it’s just not enough.   

Right now. Stop. Close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths. Relax and think of things/people for whom you are grateful.  Stay there for a couple minutes. Doesn’t that feel good? 

Now  grab your calendar and start scheduling time to pour back into you. Start small–maybe with 5 minutes. Work up to whatever it takes to refuel and give power back to your best self. You deserve it.

Feeling better already,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team 

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The wind was blowing so hard that I could barely get my car door open. Did I really want to do this? Badger Mountain looked pretty formidable this morning. I let the car door slam shut and thought, “Geesh, I drove all this way, I should probably do it. I really want to.’’

Heavy sigh. I got out of the car and felt blown across the parking lot.  I stopped, and turned around to go back to the car. “This is crazy. What are you thinking?” I was fighting a mind war. “There’s barely anyone else hiking. Do you go, not go, too windy, blah, blah, blah! But you’ll feel so good.” 

I did a 180 and proceeded to head up the trail anyway. I went the “easy” side, which isn’t very easy, but I thought it would be out of the wind. 

At the bottom of the trail, I realized I hadn’t locked my car. My car lock clicker wouldn’t work that far away, so with the wind raging into my back, I was pushed back toward my car. It was like the wind was laughing at me and telling me, “You really don’t need to do this…and you’re already on your way back to the car…”
 

Wait a minute!

I stopped thinking about the wind obstacle and focused on how good I would feel hiking. My day would be so much better and I’m not a quitter, dang it. I walked back to where my clicker worked and turned around one more time and headed into the wind. 

I was right! The easy side wasn’t so windy after all. I felt so strong, so accomplished, because I overcame the mind war and was now reaping the benefits. 

I thoroughly enjoyed the wild flowers and the magenta and light pink blooming orchards below. The beauty of God’s creation was so astonishing and I felt so grateful to be in the midst of it. This was  a great “win” for me. Marching down the hill, I celebrated by high-fiving the air.

I had this thought, “And I would’ve missed this. Had I surrendered to the wind and the mind war instead of focusing on what I desired, I would’ve missed this!”

What “win” have you had lately that I can celebrate with you? Email me back, no matter how small you think it is. Maybe you got out of bed this morning and didn’t feel like it….

Celebrating,

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

Do you have a habit that isn’t serving you? Do you keep practicing that habit over and over and over again? It used to be so enjoyable, but now, it’s one of those things in your life that controls you…or seems to. It becomes a craving, and it’s like nothing else will do.

Psychologists tell us that cravings or persistent behaviors that don’t serve us come from an unmet need. I found that out personally.

Life Saver Gummies used to be my drug of choice. It got to the point where I would eat a couple of bags at a time some days.  I could go for days without thinking about them. Then something or someone would trigger me and I was off to the races.

This is what I found when I took the time to reflect on the thoughts and emotions before that instant feeling;

“IgottahavelifesavergummiesnownothingelsewilldoohGodwherearethey?”

Psychologists are right. Behind that feeling, was stress, procrastination, disappointment, powerlessness, loneliness…You get the picture?

If I needed the Gummies, the chocolate, the potato chips, that same old cutting remark when that button is pushed, I would feel better after my reaction.  That old re-action NEVER gave me better feelings. Can you relate? 

When we continue to think about what we think will satisfy us at the time, it grows. Where our focus goes, there our energy flows. Unless we change that thought, we’re going to re-act that habit.

What the heck can we do about this?

Step 1. The next time you are tempted to re-act–STOP–what do you really want? 

Step 2. Identify the emotion. Is it anger, resentment and/or bitterness; emptiness, insecurity or a desire for comfort? Are you lonely, bored?  Kristin Neff, doctor of psychology says, “Name it and tame it.”  In the time it takes to name it, it is likely that the emotion has passed.
 

Scientists have proven that emotions pass through us within 90 seconds

…if we let them. 

Step 3. Who would you like to be in this moment?  How would you rather deal with this habit? How would you rather respond? 

Step 4. Do it. Respond the way you desire to respond. Be who you would rather be in that moment. You then begin to create new neuropathways in your brain which, with continued practice, become automatic. (I would do a cartwheel right now if I weren’t in my office!!!)

Don’t believe me?  Experiment with it. Practice. Choose wisely and you can change.  

Need help? I’m just an email away!

I believe in you, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team
 

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When I first sobered up, everything made me mad. That was my “go-to” emotion and I wasn’t aware of any other feelings. One time, I was ranting to my sponsor, Sharon, about something that p%*sed me off and she interrupted my tirade, “Jan, I don’t think this emotion is anger. I think it is some other feeling.”

What?  Do you live in my head so you can know my feelings? Of course, I didn’t say that out loud, but even her answer made me mad. Her suggestion to me for the next time that I felt anger was to get a pencil and paper and write about it.  Just write…no punctuation, no grammar, just write. She said that something happens between the brain and the pen. (This is true, but the scientific explanation is too long for this email.) I would probably become aware of emotions that I didn’t know that I had.

I snidely answered,  “That sounds like a great idea, but I don’t have time for that.” Her answer? “If you want me to remain your sponsor, you’ll find time.”  I didn’t think I could find another sponsor; nobody would have me.

She was absolutely right. I found emotions that I didn’t know existed. When I didn’t understand something or someone, writing helped me unlock the mystery.  It was so beneficial that I still do it today. 

Journaling benefits:

1. I can look back and be reminded about my accomplishments and successes, which my Committee (my head voices) conveniently likes to forget. I put my prayer requests in my journal, as well. You wouldn’t believe the amount of stars (those signify answered prayers) are in my journal. 

2. Journaling gives me reasons to be grateful and helps me stay committed to becoming a better me.

3. Oh yeah, I can also look back and learn lessons that I might have missed, or chose to ignore. (Smiley face here.)

How to Get Started? 

>Buy a dollar store notebook and pen.

>Just observe yourself for a couple of days. What are your feelings? Are there any emotions that regularly occur? Jot them down. What are they and what triggers them?

>Be sure to jot down the fabulous things that are happening in your life, no matter how small.

>Write your prayer requests–this is my personal favorite. Often I forget what I’ve asked for, but if they are written, I can watch for how God showed up to answer.

>When a challenge arises, sit down with your pen and notebook and just write. No grammar, no punctuation, no perfection…just write. Write until you can’t write anymore. If you are not in a position to write, rant and record on your phone. Have Siri take a long note.

You will be surprised what solutions you come up with and what emotions you uncover. You’ll be excited about all the great things you have accomplished.  You will joyfully remember what you asked God for and how He answered.  You’ll be grateful that you had that rant with Siri or your notebook and not that person with whom you wanted to argue. 

If you have any questions, please ask.  I believe journaling has kept me sober, but more than that, it is the reason behind my confidence in undertaking risk and opportunity.  I KNOW it will be beneficial to you, as well.

Still writing,

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

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I have never missed that last flight to Pasco, WA from Seattle. I’ve had to sprint to catch it before, but always made it. 

My flight From Orlando was delayed by thunderstorms and the terminal was a zoo. So many planes were waiting on the tarmac with many disgruntled passengers standing by. The hour and a half layover in Seattle gave me the confidence that the delay wasn’t going to impact me. Usually, there’s a tailwind on flights westward and we land early.  

When I was getting on the flight, I was notified of a seat change. My new seat was right where I could exit first when we landed. Now that was an answer to a prayer I hadn’t prayed. I was hopeful. 

When we landed, the flight representative told me, “Your Pasco flight has already flown. Go to the help desk and see what they can do.”

It was already almost midnight…now what?

It was pandemonium at the help desk, as many missed their connecting flights. My heart went out the the flight representatives as I listened to the ranting in line. 

“I’m suing the airline.”
“I heard that they don’t do anything if the reason you miss your flight is weather related.” 
“This is awful–I’m going to give her an earful. They better give me some kind of compensation.”

I was tired and cold, I didn’t have any jammies, tooth brush or makeup (that is it’s own disaster,) I had no idea when my next flight would be or where I was spending the night. Oh yeah, I didn’t have a comb, brush or any power hair tools either. 

AND you know how I feel about unknowns. They make me grumpy, anxious and distracted. 

Right then I had a choice. 

I could be grumpy and fearful with all these unknowns or I could look at them as an adventure. The definition of adventure is an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity. Sounds kinda fun, doesn’t it? That decision made all the difference.

Let’s call that Lesson #1. 

Lesson #2 When I cease grasping for control over things that are not mine, I can experience peace. Oh boy, peace washed over me like a river when I let go, because I remembered Who was in control. God takes the negative stuff and makes it good.

Lesson #3 I don’t have to give power to anxious thoughts about the future. We don’t have any surety about “What ifs” unless they happen. Ninety percent of the things we worry about never happen anyway. If I stay in the moment, I can conquer thoughts that don’t serve me. 

Lesson #4 If I sleep on my back, my makeup stays intact…okay…for the most part. You know what else? People don’t notice your makeup, they do notice your attitude. 

Lesson #5 I can drink coffee, encourage someone else in their difficult time, carry a purse and back pack while walking. (That was the hazardous part of this adventure:)

Lesson #6 There are so many people along the way that are happy to help you. Choose to be with those–not the ones with the bad attitudes.

After getting lost in the parking garage, a nice gentleman showed me where I could pick up the shuttle to the Doubletree hotel across the street from the airport. I got a great room and a toothbrush there–all compliments of Delta.

The most exciting part about this adventure is realizing that I have grown…finally. When viewing unknowns as adventures, they can be fun. My circumstances don’t have to define my attitude. I get to choose that. AND maybe I have finally passed the test!

Growing, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team
 

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On one flight home from California, I started a conversation with the gentleman next to me. It began as one of those simple, “Are you going home? Where have you been? Was it fun or for work?”  It quickly turned into a conversation where he was telling me joke after joke…and they weren’t funny. He thought they were, and I politely laughed and wished that I had some of those noise canceling headphones that I see advertised on T.V.

I excused myself from our discussion so I could feign taking a nap. 

Speaking of noise canceling headphones, it’s very necessary to shut out the voices outside of ourselves who tell us (or have told us) who we are. Those voices aren’t us. When I was little, the other kids on the playground didn’t want to pick me for their team because I was too small to help them win. My dad didn’t believe that girls should go to college. (What? Were women not as smart as men?) The clincher was that my dad didn’t want me. He was frustrated with my mom that she was pregnant with a third child. Yes, Mom told me and others how Dad felt…because she was happy that she had me. Mom had no idea that fact hurt me, until I told her later on in life.

As a child, those outside voices labeled me–too small, not smart enough and unwanted. We need to strip those voices away and return to listening to our inner voice intuitively, like we used to as children, before we allowed others to label us. It’s that still small voice within, that I believe is the voice of our Spirit, the Divine. 

I mean, really, have you listened to your self-talk lately?

We need to put on The Spirit headphones to cancel out the external chatter that chips away at our self-worth. That inner voice then gets stronger and louder. It’s that inner voice that tells us we are more than enough, we are brilliant, we are loved by others and we are worthy of what we desire. That inner voice knows more about you than anyone else. That inner voice has your back and wants the very best for you.

Be still…really…be still. Listen in to your inner voice. You’ve not lost that voice, you’ve just been too busy to listen. What does it say about you? If it belittles, that’s not your voice and needs to be ignored. Your inner voice will build you up, remind you Whose you are, refresh your memory of your incredible strengths and yes, how you can have a positive impact on your world…just as you are!

Listening intently,

Jan!