I know the holidays can be stressful. When you put different people together from different backgrounds, with different expectations–well…sometimes it’s hard to know how to handle it.

My younger brother, Dave, has a quote that I love, “Our family puts the fun in dysfunctional.”  AND that’s true!  Here’s how I put the fun in dysfunctional for the holidays.

1. Don’t take personal any sarcastic or button-pushing statement. It’s the other family member’s deal. It’s their past that they haven’t worked through that is speaking. It can really be kind of painful at times, but 99% of the time this strategy works to keep my emotions on an even keel. On this note, I don’t push any buttons, either. Well…my intent is not to push buttons, but sometimes people’s buttons change and they don’t tell me…until those button pushing words are out of my mouth. Then I have to apologize and I do that quickly. 

2.  Remember that we don’t know what they are thinking. We know each family member really well, or so we think we do.  I used to think I knew what they were thinking, (see #1 above) but I am not the same person that I was last year. What makes me think that they are? So I ask lots of open ended questions. I get really curious. I don’t assume anymore (I used to) that I understand everything or everyone, so I ask for clarification, elaboration or whatever I need to grasp the conversation clearly. This has been a game changer in all of my relationships. 

3. Watch body language. What we say only accounts for 7% of what is believed by others. The way we say it accounts for 38%. What they see accounts for 56%. Ninety percent of the impression we often convey had nothing to do with what we actually say.

4. Focus on common ground. Maybe we think there isn’t any, but we’re family for Pete’s sake. We need to close down our cell phones, doodling, fidgeting, whatever else is distracting and concentrate totally on what the other person is saying. Move out of our little world and into theirs. Listen for their feelings, as well. Listen to the words behind the words. THAT can only be done when you are focused on the other person. We may be surprised at what we do have in common.

5. Suspend the need to be right. My mentor told me that the need to be right can be a splinter to our souls…and to our relationships.  I am not going to change anyone’s mind in one day. Value the relationship over the need to be right.  (Yeah, this is a tough one:)

Politically, socially and spiritually, my family is as different as the day is long. But like my son always says after a heated political discussion, “I love you anyway, and nothing can change that.” That is truth. 

Merry Christmas,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

The holiday season can be brutal when it comes to comparing ourselves with others.  All those gatherings with family can bring up past issues. Even the parties with friends can invoke comparison.  Especially those Christmas letters laden with fabulous achievements shared by the writer can cause me to wish I had more, was more or earned more. Not only is comparison a thief of joy, but it steals our peace, as well.

Many times, in my own personal life, comparison has stolen my peace and made me grumpy.  I  gave two of the very same presentations to different groups of people. One group had a great time and was very interactive and the other sat there like stones. Did I say something that didn’t make them want to talk? Why wasn’t the interaction as good as last time? Was I not good enough as another speaker might have been? Oh…shut…up, Norma.

Norma is the default voice inside my head that seeks to keep me average.  She wants me to remain “normal”, whatever the heck that means. I’m never enough for her.  She always likes to keep me in my comfort zone and she’s quite vocal when I attempt new things. That totally rocks her boat. Norma always chatters big time after I speak somewhere. She can be vicious and loves to compare me with others.  Most of the time, she is my own worst enemy. 

I asked a pastor friend to weigh in on this topic of comparison. These were some of his words, “Comparison leads down two darker paths; pride and covetousness. If we compare and think ourselves better, we become proud and haughty. Not good. If we see that we fall short and covet to have what others have, we may resort to illegitimate means to obtain what they have, or just become depressed, feeling that it is outside of our reach. It’s a dangerous game to play, unless you have a serious heart check about why you’re doing it.”  Great wisdom.

On the other hand, comparison can be good if we are doing it to learn from others. As leaders, if we compare ourselves to those who are farther along the path than we are, we can become better leaders. If we view others as better with the humility to learn, comparison can be beneficial.

                                                                              How can we make comparison advantageous to us? 

First, remember our uniqueness. Our DNA is a 5-million-character code that paints a picture of each one of us. That same code has never existed and never will again. Each person has their own unique set of fingerprints. There has never been another created like each one of us and never will be. We are one of a kind. Special.

Second, since I am a Christian, Ephesians 1:4 tells me that Christ chose me before the foundation of the universe (Me? He chose me?) I didn’t have to clean up, get good enough or become someone other than me to be loved by Him. I am made in His image, He knows my short-comings and accepts me as I am.  Hallelujah! He also gave me my strengths, assets and talents…and there are many of them.   Ephesians 3:10 tells me that I am His Masterpiece! Leonardo diVinci painted only one Mona Lisa. God made only one me. And only one you. 

Thirdly, ask yourself if your best friends would say what you were negatively thinking or saying about you. Would they call you that? Would they say that about you? I don’t think so. Stop punishing yourself for not being somebody else.

Lastly, appreciate who you are and what you have. Write a list of all the good things about you and read that list daily. When your Norma gets out of control, read her that list.  Norma usually doesn’t argue with the truth.

You may have more ways to crush comparison of yourself with others. I would love to hear how you deal with your Norma.  I don’t believe we can have too many tools in our arsenal to build ourselves up to become all that we can be.

I will end on this note–comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent.  Purpose to not let Norma steal your joy this season by remembering your own uniqueness.

Believing in you,

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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I wrote this at the end of 2019.  The subtitle of that email blast was “2020 is going to be awesome!”  Hahaha! But I thought the lessons I learned in 2019 apply now because there are more unknowns than ever. I hope these lessons serve you again–they are great reminders for me. 

                                                                   “Life’s difficulties are not meant to impede our progress, but to increase our speed.” 

I have no idea where I read this but I believe it’s true.  I learned this lesson big-time during the sale of our old home and the buying of our new home.  It wasn’t going the way I assumed it would go. But then, does anything in life go the way that we plan it? Our home had sold, with a closing date of August 30th.  It was August 6th, we had looked at 45 homes and hadn’t found one we loved. 

I was strategizing what we would do if we didn’t find a home mentally like a horse in a corral, consumed by planning that which I couldn’t control. Slogging through quicksand is what my life began to feel like.  And my attitude showed that.

I was learning the content of the chapter on The Effect of Thought on Circumstance for “As A Man Thinketh,” and the light went on. (funny, I just read that chapter about 3 nights ago 11/23/2021.)  I was not choosing my thoughts well. I was grasping at things that weren’t mine to grasp. I was irritated as all get out when I couldn’t wrap my grubby hands around those things.  Of course, I couldn’t grasp those things–they were still in the future!  We still had a week to find a home…I needed to change my thinking about my circumstance and just let go.  After all, that’s what I teach…our thoughts produce our behavior and my current behavior wasn’t fun at all.

At that moment, I put the book down and consciously surrendered the home I didn’t have yet. I sat there with open hands as a gesture to seal the deal. Immediately, I felt lighter…better…and almost joyous. 

And the next day, we found, placed an offer, and bought the home we’re living in now.

Yes, that’s exactly how it happened. I wrote about it in my journal. Hmmm…I was creating my own difficult circumstance by my thoughts and perception. I was dragging around a backpack full of worry, doubt and “what-ifs.”  How could I travel lightly and fast with that heaviness on my back…and in my mind?

Every time we let loose of a negatively  programmed thought, belief or habit that holds us back, we can progress faster to the next level of growth.  New opportunities come our way because we are ready for them. AND better yet, we can help others move past that which held us back because we have been there and have overcome. We may be able to prevent others from trudging slowly down that same path!

What’s holding you back? What slows you down? Take the time to identify and surrender it…if not for you, for others.

May you travel lighter and faster in 2022.

Surrendering my unknowns…again,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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This last year turned out way better than I thought. December is the month that I go through my journal and planner and look at what I have learned. AND what lessons I may have missed. I love this time of year. 

I do have one question. Why is it sometimes so hard to keep my goals and vision in front of me? I write them, spend time visualizing…for about 3 weeks…and then they are enveloped in the fog of daily activity. Most highly successful people share one important trait: focus. They know what their purpose is and what they want to achieve, and everything they do and say aims to bring them closer to their goals. But maintaining that intense level of dedication and drive takes effort.

I continued to think about the above question. Reflecting back, I found out what works for me to keep me focused on my vision and goals.

I believe this can work for you, too. 

First, what do you want? Who do you want to become? If you woke up on any given Tuesday and you were living the life you loved, what would it look like?  Daydream, like you did when you were a kid. If you could be, do or have anything–what would that look like. Then write it down. 

Second, why do you want it?   When striving toward any goal or vision, it’s important to find ways to remind yourself why that goal is so important to you so you can stay focused. When you feel distracted or overwhelmed, remind yourself why you want this vision so badly.   

Next–what would it feel like? If you were living the life you desired, would you feel accomplished, successful, fulfilled, ten feet tall and bulletproof? Add some emotion to it. I picture myself on the beach, wearing something white and flowy, the wind blowing through my hair and clothes. The sun is warm and I am drenched in unspeakable joy. My hands are up and the feeling is “I did it!” Okay, that’s part of my vision with the emotion, but you get the idea.

My friend and mentor, Paul Martinelli, calls it remembering your future. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Whatever you have written down, think about it as if you already have achieved it. I don’t know what your dream is, but if it’s a financial goal…what will you have if you already have achieved it?  What will your closet look like? What about your debt? Will that be gone?  How much more will you be able to give to charities of your choice? 

Take some time, write it down and focus on it. Why do you want that vision? Really think about it. Go to that place daily. Speak, see and feel the words of your vision until to get really familiar with them. Your new life and the new you that you need to become to get that life can be created this way.

Let me know how that works for you or if you have another idea, please share! 

Looking forward to 2022,

Jan 

Jan McDonald 
The John Maxwell Team 

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It has been said, “Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air…but only for one second without hope.”  Many people have lost hope these days. Just when we think things are settling down and looking better, “they” change the rules. “They” pull the rug of positive expectancy out from under us.

When we lose hope, we begin to downsize our dreams. If you have done that you know that it creates a feeling discontent, uneasiness and discomfort. That’s because that is not who we are. We are created to always seek fuller expression–to be, do and have more. 

When we fell while learning to walk, we didn’t say, “Well, walking is great for the rest of you guys. I’m just going to be a crawler.” Nope. You got up and you tried and tried and tried until you walked.

Remember when we were kids, how we daydreamed about our future?  Many of us had great hopes for our future. That’s who we are. Fuller expression is in our DNA. 

Napolean said that leaders are dealers in hope. The world needs hope dealers right now. People need to have bright things in their future. I am challenging us to dispense hope during this holiday season to others. Let’s be the bright thing in their future. 

How? 

1. What do you hope for? The first step in dispensing hope is to have something for ourselves to hope for. Write down one thing that you hope for? Remember, we can’t give what we don’t have. Once we have that hope, we can nurture it.

The Wright Brothers hoped they could fly. Everyone thought they were crazy. They tried so many times, that it “seemed” like there was no hope at all. They believed they could fly–they believed in their hope. They nurtured that hope and were successful. 

2.  Give our hope to others. Hope is a gift that energizes and motivates people to do more for themselves. AND if they don’t have hope—we can loan them ours…they can borrow ours. Where in your life are you able to loan hope to others?

3. Put hope in the future. We do that by cultivating two mindsets. The first is believing that the future is going to be better. The second is believing that we have the power to make that true. If our future is going to be bright, it’s up to us. We can’t base our hope on outward circumstances and situations, our hope needs to come from within. WE HAVE THAT POWER! We can do it!

4. BE the hope for the future. Hopeful people shine in the midst of difficult situations. Hope gives us the ability to see possibilities and opportunities not only for us, but for others.  Gandhi quotes that we can BE the change we want to see in the world. I believe the same goes for hope.

Who, in your sphere of influence, could use some hope in their lives? Loan them yours. BE their hope. If you are struggling to find hope for yourself,  I’m just an email away.

Dealing in hope,

Jan 

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team



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Magnanimity is a fancy word for generosity.  I thought that might get your attention:) Generosity is the selfless act of giving with no expectation of anything in return. The beauty of being a generous person is that even though intentions are to receive nothing in return, the giver receives tenfold.

 How can that be?

Giving makes us feel good and there is a physical reason linked to this. In a 2006 study, the National Institutes of Health found that when people give to charities, it activates regions of the brain associated with pleasure, social connection and trust, creating a “warm glow” effect. Scientists also believe that this unselfish behavior releases endorphins, the “feel good” chemicals, in the brain.  

The universal Law of Giving and Receiving acknowledges that the way to expand anything that we want is to give it to others. I first learned about this when I got sober.  There is a principal in AA that says if we want to stay sober, we need to help others stay sober. It’s giving our sober experience, strength and hope to others so we get to keep our sobriety.  THAT was a huge gift to me…and if you ask my family, they will tell you that they, too, received 1000 fold. 

It reminds me of the Leadership Law of Magnetism. We don’t get who we want, we get who we are.  A couple of years ago, everyone in my life was impatient.  Everyone in my life wanted things yesterday. What was this all about? I had a flat forehead moment when I looked in the mirror. I was also impatient at that time in my life and that’s what and who I was attracting to me. 

How does this law of generosity work? If we want peace and joy, we give peace and joy away. If we want to expand our life financially,  we share our wealth with others.  If we want happiness, we help others be happy.  If we want to receive patience…you get the idea (still working on that:)

Generosity is listed in John Maxwell’s book, “The 21 Indispensable Traits of a Leader.”  He gives three ways to develop generosity; 

1. Give something that you truly value to someone who needs it. If possible, do it anonymously.
2. If you know someone who is doing something great and making a difference, give them resources. Put your money to work on something that will outlive you.
3.  Mentor someone. Once you reach a certain level in life, it’s time to give back to those who want to grow into their own unique potential.

I would like to add a number four.  Do simple things. You can be generous with a good attitude, or a smile to those who cross your path daily. You can let that person with one item go in front of your full cart at the grocery store check out. Give your expertise to someone who could benefit from it. 

Go ahead, make your world a better place through your magnanimity. Get yourself that “warm glow” effect! I challenge you to show your greatness and generosity to others today!  Let me know how you do that–I’d love to hear it. 

Glowing!

Jan 

Jan McDonald 
The John Maxwell Team 

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Over 200 years ago, a man in civilian clothes rode past a small group of tired and battled weary soldiers. They were digging what appeared to be an important defensive position. The leader of the group wasn’t making any effort to help. He just shouted orders and threatened to punish the group if the work wasn’t completed within the hour.
 
“Why aren’t you helping?” the stranger asked on horseback.
 
“I’m in charge! The men do as I tell them,” said the leader. He added “Help them yourself if you feel so strongly about it.”
 
To the mean leader’s surprise, the stranger got off his horse and helped the men until the job was finished. Before he left, the stranger congratulated the men for their work, and approached the confused leader.
 
“You should notify top command next time your rank prevents you from supporting your men – and I will provide a more permanent solution,” the stranger said.
 
Up close, the now humbled leader recognized General George Washington and was taught a lesson he would never forget!

What does this have to do with Halloween and your costume?  I remember back to when I was a positional leader.  People followed me because they had to. Real leadership is when people gladly follow you because they want to. To create that culture, a leader needs to love their people more than their position. That means adding value to them, and by having a servant’s heart. Let’s put on the cloak of a servant leader with the following “tricks” and get the “treat” of expanding our influence. 

1. Perform small acts. Find ways today to show others that we care. Small acts of kindness can go a long way to show people we care. Start at home–when was the last time we did a meaningful act for our spouse?  Oh geesh–besides laundry, grocery shopping and cooking, I can’t remember…that’s not a good thing. 

2. Learn to walk slowly through the crowd. The next time we are at an event or meeting with employees, clients or acquaintances, make it a priority to cruise the room to connect with the people in the room. Circulate and chat. Find out how their day is going. Make it our agenda to focus on them. Learn their names.  Not only is that adding value to them, but it helps us get out of our comfort zone, too. 

3. Take action. I am task oriented and I had to learn to invest in relationships. When I realized that serving others expanded my influence because I was adding value, I had to get out there and start serving…no matter how I felt.  What I found is that those I served were blessed. AND wonder of wonders, I was impacted in a positive way because I served. This is just one of the “treats” that we get from having a servant heart. 

Other treats received by servant leadership; increased happiness and efficiency of our teams, enabling higher performance. It’s very motivating to see the boss roll up their sleeves and do the hard work with the team.  Modeling this behavior trickles down into our workplace, home or community culture and multiplies that behavior.  People do what people see.  

The best treat of all, in my opinion, is that people’s lives are enhanced and relationships are strengthened.

I am sure you can think of other “treats” resulting from serving others. I’d love to hear back from you!

Happy Halloween!


Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team 

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Eighty-three percent of workers are experiencing symptoms of burnout. Nearly 1 in 4 employees experienced the more severe signs, including reduced professional efficacy and cynicism towards coworkers and their jobs. This is what I found when researching the biggest challenges that leaders and managers face in 2021. I wasn’t surprised. 

Too much stress can lead to burnout. Our world has turned upside-down in these last 18 months. Many of the ways we operated pre-Covid have changed and there are still many unknowns. 

If we lead or manage people, we spend all day serving others. Many business owners have been agonizing over ways to keep their businesses running and profitable, as well.  This doesn’t include the children that need nurture and the families that need us. 

My question to you is–when do you care for you?  What is your self-care strategy?  When do you refuel and pour back into you?

How can we give others our best selves when our best selves have already been given out? 
 

You can’t give what you don’t have. 

We all remember what the airline stewardess tells us to do in case of emergency. If the oxygen masks come down, we need to put the mask on ourselves first.

We need to fill our energy tanks first. Operating from an energy deficiency isn’t healthy and may lead to anxiety, depression, hopelessness and fatigue. 

How can we refuel and refresh ourselves? Here are some ideas for self-care:

• Take a walk–just get out into nature.
• Take a bubble bath (yes, guys can do this, too.)
• Talk with a friend.
• Go to the gym (if you enjoy that.)
• What brings you joy? Do that.
• Practice gratitude.

I am sure that you can think of other ways that would reinvigorate and fortify you. Personally, I have quiet time every morning and hiking Badger is another “go-to” refresher.   

Right now. Stop. Close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths. Relax and think of things/people for whom you are grateful.  Stay there for a couple minutes. Doesn’t that feel good? 

Now  grab your calendar and start scheduling time to pour back into you. Start small–maybe with 5 minutes. Work up to whatever it takes to refuel and give power back to your best self. You deserve it.

Still learning this,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team 

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The first time I quit drinking was when my ex-husband and I split up. It was his fault, after all (yeah, right.) I totally quit cold turkey and began a fitness craze with a vengeance.  I worked really hard on my outside, because I didn’t want anyone to know how messed up I was on the inside. I taught aerobics and became a personal trainer. Oh, did I receive the accolades, “Wow, you look so good.”  “If I could only have a body like yours.”  “Train me, so I can be as fit as you.”  It felt so good to hear all those nice things. I certainly wasn’t feeling very good about myself on the inside. 

Even though I was hearing those compliments from my outer story, my inner story (and it was of the horror genre) kept pointing to my lack of integrity.  Integrity is more than following a moral code.  The definition of integrity is “the quality or the state of being complete; unbroken conditions; wholeness; entirety.”  It’s the opposite of being divided.

My outer story  was cheering me on. My inner story was desperately crying out for help. 

I was finding my identity in my outer story; what I looked like, what I had accomplished and the approval of others. I kept telling myself the same stories, that I was okay, that I didn’t need anyone else, and I really was as awesome as everyone said.  Since I hadn’t rewritten my inner story,  I went back to drinking on and off for a couple of years. I couldn’t do any different. You know what’s funny?  I didn’t have a clue that there was an inner and outer difference in my stories.    

At some point, and it’s all kinda fuzzy back in those days, I just couldn’t do it anymore. The turmoil between the outer story and the inner story became too much to handle.  I got help. 

You know what I found out…and am still finding out?  When I rewrite the inner story, the outer story changes. As I continue to edit and rewrite, a process that has actually become a great adventure, I become more and more the person I desire to be.  What I am on the inside and on the outside become more and more alike.  The inner whirlwind slows to a refreshing breeze. 

When I chose and envisioned the “happily ever after” in my inner story, the outer story began to transform into the best me and the best life I desired!  Imagine…imagine entering into 2021, with a newly revised story, a story that belongs to your best you. I get excited just thinking about it!  

What stories are you telling yourself? Is there a place in your life where you are struggling or just feel stuck? Envision your “happily ever after.” Who do you desire to be? Then go ahead and rewrite…because you can…it IS YOUR story.

Still revising,


Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team 

 

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I love this time of year! It’s still warm and sunny, but usually not above eighty degrees. The nights and mornings are crisp.  We even had some rain! The leaves are beginning to turn into brilliant colors. The sunrises on Badger have been stunning.  AND it’s pumpkin spice latte time! 

My yard is loving this weather, too. The extreme heat this year really fried some of my bushes. I’m hoping that this winter, they’ll get a reboot, and come back healthy.  I can’t imagine what the farmers went through this year. The high temperatures stunted the growth of many crops. I read that the wheat and the potatoes really suffered this year. The heat caused issues for cherry farmers, too, such as sunburn and stunted growth. That made the cherries unsuitable for the fresh cherry market so many of them were picked for processing. 

I wouldn’t want to be a farmer. There’s just too much insecurity and risk for me. I am impatient, too. It would be tough for me to wait for the perfect time to harvest.  But, wait a minute…isn’t every calling and vocation somewhat like being a farmer? 

No matter what we do with our lives, there’s always sowing before a harvest. A salesman plants seeds for those who want their product; a non-profit plants a vision; a construction worker lays foundations on which to build; leaders plant seeds to grow their followers. It’s our responsibility to sow good seeds so we can reap a harvest.  We have to plant seeds of love and care into our relationships to reap close relationships.

Sometimes the weather is kind. Sometimes there are storms, extreme heat, high winds and even crop failure. Businesses may fail, success may come too slowly, and relationships may disintegrate. Quite risky…like farming…with many events that are out of our control.  My friend and mentor, Paul Martinelli, says, “Harvest the good from your mistakes and fractured relationships and move on.”  We can learn our lessons, hopefully, and always replant better seeds. Then we need to be patient and not give up. With care, water and nourishment, there will be another harvest. 

Enjoying my harvest,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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Last week I wrote about Dennis’s and my encounter with Covid and the awareness that we developed from going through that together. There’s one more message that I would like to share with you.

Even though both of us were thinking positively, and our symptoms weren’t that harsh, there were so many unknowns. AND there was one unasked question quietly lurking in the back of our minds, “Will we make it through this?”  

It was like the time we found out that Dennis had cancer.  The socks that didn’t make it to the hamper, the dishes left in the sink, or the things that irritated us about each other, didn’t seem to matter anymore.  We were reminded of how much we meant to each other…again.

As the symptoms subsided, Dennis found this post on Facebook and, with emotion in his voice, read it to me: 

A good friend of mine unexpectedly lost her husband. A couple of months later we were running together, chatting about nothing. She asked what my dinner plans were and I told her hubby wanted chili, but I didn’t feel like stopping at the store. We ran a few more minutes when she quietly said, “Make the chili.”

It took me a few minutes to realize that we were no longer talking about dinner. It was about going out of your way to do something for someone you love because at any moment, they could unexpectedly be taken from you. 

So today I’m sharing with you that wisdom handed to me by my dear friend, that I’ve thought of many times since that day. Next time someone you love wants you to go for a walk or watch a football game or play a board game, or just put down your phone and give them your undivided attention, just do it. Make the chili.

Love deeply and selfishly. 

Who needs to know how much you love and appreciate them? Tell them today.

I appreciate you!

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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My Facebook memories have been about the move from Grandview to Tri-Cities that we made September 3, 2019. I’m still amazed at all the stuff we had accumulated in the nineteen years that we lived in Grandview. Even though we only lived in the Sherilyn Ct. house for 15 years, I say nineteen, because I don’t think we ever unpacked all the stuff we had when we moved to Grandview in 2000. 

I can’t remember how many big garbage bags of stuff I took to Goodwill in the move to Tri-Cities;  two boxes of books, 25 musical cds, miscellaneous nicknacks, some guitar shaped sunglasses (Lord knows where those came from,) six big bags of clothes and shoes…mine. The shoes were high-heeled shoes that I loved, but couldn’t wear anymore because wearing them was painful. They had been in my closet for years.

Packing and purging brought some great memories. I’m not gonna lie, it was emotional at times. I found a sweater that Mom wore. It was old…still had the shoulder pads…and was all balled up. I held it up close to my face, tried to put it in the Goodwill bag and then the good-memory tears fell. Nope, could not let go of that. All of the refrigerator art the kids made went with us, too.  Dennis kept a sweater that his mom made for him 50 years ago, even though he never wore it. 

It was fascinating to see what went with us and what got left at Goodwill. It’s kinda like our belief systems. Those memories and beliefs that hold us back need to go. Those negative beliefs can still write the script for our lives if we aren’t careful. “I can’t do this because I’m too old, too young, too fat, too skinny, I failed there before, I have no clue how I could, I don’t have enough money or” geesh, you fill in the blank.

Instead of “I can’t, because,” how about you BE the CAUSE that overcomes those limiting beliefs and designs your own life? How about you BE CAUSATIVE and pack those defeatist attitudes up in a big black garbage bag and haul them out to the curb for the trash man. Go back, rewrite those gloomy memories so they serve you. Learn from them because you’re not that person any more. You probably would do it differently and better as the person you are now.  You bet I would be a sober and better parent if I understood then what I do now. 

If the memory or event is a secret something that someone has done to you that has had a terrible impact, find a trusted friend or coach and tell them about it. Shame and/or guilt loves to be kept secret, and they both are dispelled when brought out into the open.  I’ve experienced tremendous emotional freedom handling my past this way.

Remember, where our focus goes, there our energy flows. When we think about our past, let’s direct the most energy on our great achievements and warm memories. But most of all, let’s center our attention on our goals,  dreams and those desires that might be in our future.  That’s the kind of emotional energy that propels us forward,

Being causative,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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Can you believe it’s almost September? What happened to this year? It’s the last quarter of 2021 and how are we doing with our goal achievement? I’ve been reflecting on the progress that I’m making toward my goals. I’m closer to achieving them, but it’s about those competing commitments.  I’m not talking about things that cause setbacks that I can’t control.  Let me explain. 

There’s reasons why we don’t get our goals accomplished or make the progress we want. What normally happens is we define these things as reasons, the truth is they’re excuses. (Ouch!) Excuses are competing commitments. Let me give you an example.

I  looked back on my year and made excuses that I was really busy, or I needed to spend time with my husband, or I didn’t know how to move forward….blah, blah, blah. When I really thought about it–all of those things were excuses–or competing commitments. 

Maybe we really want or need to lose some weight, but tomorrow our friend is having a backyard barbeque. We can’t start until after that, so we’re going to eat ice cream tonight. Besides, think of all the great food we would  miss tomorrow.  Those outside excuses compete with our inner desired commitments. Some of those excuses are just head trash. We choose to let outside circumstances and conditions derail us. 
 

Choice happens in our minds. 

For sure, there will always be competing commitments. Some of them will be the same excuses we’ve had in the past.  At least that’s what I found in my reflection time.  Some of the things that are going to stop us from progressing toward our goals are predictable.  We know in advance that  there’s going to be more pot lucks and barbeques. We know in advance that we’re going to have days that are extremely busy.  Our car battery may die. Then, of course, there’s football. Yes, I’m finishing  email this during half-time. 

I know that it’s easy for me to tell myself that I can do anything tomorrow if I am not up against a deadline. Most of the time, I’m pretty focused, but honestly, I can choose more fun things to do than work sometimes. 

 What are we going to do when these competing commitments arise?

We can’t make the decision to lose weight at the barbeque standing in front of the table of brownies, potato salad and chips. We can’t make the decision to go to the gym at 5:00 in the morning when it’s cold and raining. Let’s decide in advance what we’re going to do when competing commitments arise. 

When we begin to be driven by inner commitments and desires, rather than by outside circumstances and conditions, life will change. We’ll progress forward toward the goals to which we have committed.  We have to remove the head trash; those defeating thoughts that keep us from our desired lives.  We have to come up with a “move forward at any cost” contingency plan when we’re faced with a circumstance that competes with our desires and goals.

One of my contingency plans that came out of my reflection time is to focus on my desired life rather than instant gratification. I kick my head trash to the curb and picture in my mind who I will become or what I will achieve by doing the thing that is my inner commitment. It’s a great plan that works for me. Yes, it takes mental discipline, but that’s a topic for another email. 

How are you going to win when an competing commitment threatens to derail your goals? 

Winning (okay, most of the time,)

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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On my way to hike Badger Mountain the other day, I heard the song by Elevation Worship, “Dry Bones Rattle.”  As I walked to the top, I couldn’t help but ponder over the words. This email was a Facebook post, but I’ve been thinking about this all week. I don’t write many emails that are Christian-faith themed, but this is one….

The words in quotations are from the song: 

“Friday’s disappointment was Sunday’s empty tomb, since when has impossible ever stopped You?”

Could life ever get crazier? There are so many events that could steal our joy…if we let it. So many distractions and unknowns on which we can focus. So many things out of our control. 

If I focus on the negative, that’s not only what grows in my life, but it’s what I attract. AND if my thoughts are gloomy, I want to isolate, too. I don’t want to be around anyone else. Really, who would want to be with me when I was feeling like dry bones? Haven’t we all been in an isolated desert enough these last months? 

The song comes from this Bible story: The Lord and the prophet Ezekiel were sitting in the middle of a desert valley full of a great many dry bones. (Ezekiel 37 You gotta read the story!)

The Lord says, “Hey, Zeke (okay not his exact words), can these bones live?”

Zeke replies, “O Lord, you alone know.”

As I hiked, I thought to myself, “where in my life am I like dry bones? What part of my life has been parched and bleached like dry bones in the desert?” I’m like dry bones when I focus on things that are not mine to control…when I give power in my mind to things and people that I am powerless over. Ouch. When I focus on the negative I am like dry bones in the desert. 

The Lord told Ezekiel how to make the dry bones come to life by speaking life into them…and the rattle began…dry bones began to come to life…again. 

Back to the song: “Praise makes the dead man walk again.” Beholding the beauty of Badger Mountain and the valley below caused gratefulness to well up inside me. It felt like rain in my desert. I have so many blessings in my life!  Praising and thanking God for these blessings always lifts me up. 

 “Open the grave, I’m comin’ out! I’m going to live again.”

What about you? Do you have some dry bone places in your life? Is your past holding you hostage? Is your prayer life off? Do you feel inadequate, lacking The Power? Do unknowns cause tornado stomach? (Oh wait…that was me.) Do you feel like you’re in a tomb of negative thinking? 

“You’re not gonna run out of miracles anytime soon.” 

God’s not running out of miracles. We need to expect His miracles. Look for them. What is your needed miracle? What would your life look like if you got that miracle? Create that vision in your mind and think on that. Think on the positive and praise God for what you do have. “Praise makes the dead man walk again.”

Do you hear it? Open the grave and come on out. Dry bones rattling and coming to life. LIVE again! Really LIVE again! You have The Power within you! “Resurrection Power runs in my veins, too. I believe there’s another miracle in this room.”  If you want to hear the song “Rattle”, click here:

https://youtu.be/4rzhPg9697k  

Hopefully typed,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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I’ve been reading (very slowly this time) through a book by Wayne Dyer, “The Power Of Intention.” I’ve been writing about peace and leadership and how that is supposed to look, so I don’t think it’s any coincidence that I “stumbled” on this chapter about living a stress-free life. 

Wayne Dyer says that we were created to live fully alive and on purpose in a state of peace and joy. I happen to agree with him. Many of you know that I believe in God and He isn’t anything like I thought He was. Until I got to know Him, I thought he was this big guy who lived in heaven and really needed some anger management classes. He is nothing like that at all. If you don’t believe in God, just ignore this part, but He sent Jesus so that we could live life abundantly.  We can have abundant joy, peace, blessings and happiness. 

God is love, so everything that He does with us stems out of His love for us. He wants us to love Him back out of our own volition. We are not robots, He has given us choice.  He has given us the power to choose our thoughts.  That is why I thought this chapter was so powerful. 
 

Whether you believe in God or not, you have the
power to choose your thoughts.

Back to Wayne Dyer’s book.  In this chapter, he writes, “There’s no actual stress or anxiety in the world, it’s your thoughts that create these false beliefs. There are only people engaged in stressful thinking.” Read that sentence again and ponder it. 

You may be wondering about all the bad that is transpiring in the world, like murder, rape, abuse and Coronavirus.  What about that?  I don’t want to negate the awfulness of some things that have happened or can happen to us. BUT, let’s talk about our everyday normal life. 

Think about the things that make you anxious. Stop and think about them. 

I’ll give you a personal example. Up until recently, when I had a workshop or speaking engagement in my calendar, I couldn’t sleep well for a couple nights prior.  It didn’t matter how much I prepared or how well I thought the presentation was written, sleep eluded me. What the heck? What was this all about?  

I reflected on it and came to the insight that it was about ego. I wanted to look good. I was afraid of failing. What if I do something stupid?  What if they don’t have fun? What if they don’t think the time spent with me was  worth it? What if…what if…okay, what if? If I have done my best, I have no control over their response. Although, I really like to think I do:)  If I do something stupid, I can laugh with them. It won’t be the first time. I found that it was all about me. And THAT is hilarious, because I am not presenting for me, I am there to serve them and to add value to THEIR life. Geesh. 

Our natural state is tranquility and peace, but when we try to control those things that we have no control over, or think stressful thoughts, that’s what causes the anxiety. 

The cure? Consider Rule #6. 

“Two prime ministers are sitting in a room discussing affairs of state. Suddenly a man bursts in, apoplectic with fury, shouting and stamping and banging his fist on the desk. The resident prime minister admonishes him: “Peter,” he says, “kindly remember Rule Number 6,” whereupon Peter is instantly restored to complete calm, apologizes, and withdraws. The politicians return to their conversation, only to be interrupted yet again twenty minutes later by a hysterical woman gesticulating wildly, her hair flying. Again the intruder is greeted with the words: “Marie, please remember Rule Number 6.” Complete calm descends once more, and she too withdraws with a bow and an apology. When the scene is repeated for the third time, the visiting prime minister addresses his colleague: “My dear friend, I’ve seen many things in my life, but never anything as remarkable as this. Would you be willing to share with me the secret of Rule Number 6?”

“Very simple,” replies the resident prime minister. “Rule Number 6 is ‘Don’t take yourself so g—damn seriously.”

“Ah,” says his visitor, “that is a fine rule.” After a moment of pondering, he inquires, “And what, may I ask, are the other rules?”

“There aren’t any.”  (This is from a book called “The Art of Possibility,” by The Zanders)

When you feel anxious or stressed this week, consider your thoughts.  How are you thinking about the issue that is stressing you?  Is it in your control?  Is there a different way you think about it?   

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team

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